I'd like my DS to play a musical instrument but he just isn't into it

[Anonymous]

Does he have any talent or even skill for it?

[Anonymous]

"I'd like ..." unimportant. You've offerred it. You've exposed your child to it. It's now not your place to insist on it. I had one DC who took to music lessons, took piano for 9 years and was in band for several instruments. Another DC who took for about 1 1/2 years reluctantly. That DC actually taught himself to play another instrument as a young adult. Mostly, Op, you have to let go of what you envision. They are their own person. Time to respect that (within reason)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have any talent or even skill for it?

Do you say the same thing about a child who doesn't quickly take to reading?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is in 4th grade. I started him on an instrument last year and he's always seemed pretty lukewarm about it. He'll practice for 15 minutes then lose interest. I think if I encouraged him he'd continue it for another year or two but I think his heart isn't into it. We all know playing musical instruments is good for development. And I played two instruments myself as a kid, so I of course want him to have the same opportunities. Never became a musician but it was certainly something valuable for me as I learned how to not only read music and become fairly good at something because I practiced.

DS did ask to learn how to play an instrument, so this wasn't forced on him. He chose it and I'd like him to stick with it. At this point, though, I think he'd be perfectly happy if I told him lessons are over. I'd like him to do something else though if he does want to give up playing.

Am I letting him give up too early too fast? Am I the one giving up too early too fast? Maybe he just doesn't want to play anything and I need to accept that. There's a lot of pressure to get kids into music early on but if your kid doesn't like it, then what? He has mentioned wanting to play something else but I'm afraid he'll just let that go after a year as well, and that will be more money out the window. Should I just let it go and ask him to find activities at school (free stuff) like a sport, chess club or robotics until he proves he's truly interested in something? I do remember my own parents throwing lots of money towards activities for me and my siblings. We never excelled in any of them. Looking back, I do think they went overboard spending lots of money they didn't really even have to help us keep up with other kids.

How have some of you handled this? I don't like the idea of forcing him to play. We've all heard those "my mother forced me to play the piano and I detested it" stories. I don't want him to feel that way if he just hates something.

if he asked to play, and you rented the instrument or are paying for lessons, i would tell him that the deal is he has to give it a real shot. that means 30 min of practice/5 days a week (no weekends, maybe?)

if he really hates it after a full year, then let him quit. you're not going to scar him for life. this is one of those things that if YOU value it, and he expressed interest, it has to get a little ugly in the meantime, but at the end, he'll tahnk you.

[Anonymous]

^ edited to add, sit iwth him and practice. do'nt just leave him to struggle through it. be endlessly encouraging.

[Anonymous]

I am going through this with my 9 yo DD, though from a slightly different angle.

She started an instrument this year and is quite talented, but sometimes flares up and says she "hates" it. She has 1 in-school class a week, 1 small group class a week, and practices maybe a total of 20 minutes a week beyond that. Her frustration comes at moments that something seems hard, or because she feels like there is no time to practice (she has plenty of time).

Currently, my thinking is that music this is part of her overall education and she can't quit. I would be open to her choosing a new instrument. It helps that there is an in-school component to back that up, and that in general she gravitates toward music/performing arts.

I do not want to force anything on her, but I also don't want her to learn that quitting is ok when something gets hard.

If she really shows a lack of continued interest/motivation by the time middle school rolls around, I imagine we'd be more open to quitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going through this with my 9 yo DD, though from a slightly different angle.

She started an instrument this year and is quite talented, but sometimes flares up and says she "hates" it. She has 1 in-school class a week, 1 small group class a week, and practices maybe a total of 20 minutes a week beyond that. Her frustration comes at moments that something seems hard, or because she feels like there is no time to practice (she has plenty of time).

Currently, my thinking is that music this is part of her overall education and she can't quit. I would be open to her choosing a new instrument. It helps that there is an in-school component to back that up, and that in general she gravitates toward music/performing arts.

I do not want to force anything on her, but I also don't want her to learn that quitting is ok when something gets hard.

If she really shows a lack of continued interest/motivation by the time middle school rolls around, I imagine we'd be more open to quitting.

.

This seems reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love the child you have not the one you want. Find an activity that he enjoys.

DP. I LOVE my kid who is… not the most musical kid…. But he’s still practicing for 20 mins a day because music is part of a complete education. He does other activities for enjoyment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love the child you have not the one you want. Find an activity that he enjoys.

DP. I LOVE my kid who is… not the most musical kid…. But he’s still practicing for 20 mins a day because music is part of a complete education. He does other activities for enjoyment.

Same. My kid is musical and talented and likes to doodle on her instrument and practice her pieces but complains about practicing etudes. I still ask her to do it. She doesn't really see how much they help her but I can hear it. Eventually she'll realize it (this may be years and years down the road).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love the child you have not the one you want. Find an activity that he enjoys.

The thing is that many, possibly most, kids don't love their instrument right away. It can take a couple years of practice to achieve the mastery that makes it fun and enjoyable to listen to. That time frame can be accelerated with an excellent teacher or dedicated practice rather then half hearted playing. The fun can be increased in a group setting. But there is generally a period that feels like a slog.

Like learning to kick a ball or learning to read, many people feel that it's worthwhile to slog through until it clicks.

I don't want my kids to become professional musicians (unless that happens to be their passion down the road). I do want them to learn that incremental practice makes a difference and that they can become proficient in an activity that can enhance their lives, whether they're the ones playing or just as listeners.

You csn accomplish all of the secondary hoals through any activity they enjoy. Yourvdream is to have a musical child. Let him explore. Maybe it will be karate or musical theater, or fine art. Who knows what he will be drawn to. Allow him to find his own interests.

don't listen to this. sure, he will be drawn to 15 other things but he will abandon them all because nothing is fun all the time. he wanted music, he got it, but it turned out it was not as easy and fun as he thought. but the same will be true of every activity he tries. people here like to imagine that there is some perfect activity where children will be practicing for hours because it's just such a great match. but all i am seeing in reality are children who start 234234 activities and give up.

[Anonymous]

Try a different instrument.

[Anonymous]

Maybe ash yourself why you are trying to force your kid to do an extracurricular activity you like rather than something he likes. And unless it’s piano or a string instrument most kids don’t have the lung capacity or mouth structure to start an instrument that young. But again why are you trying to force him to do something you want instead of finding something he enjoys?

[Anonymous]

In my family, music is a non-negotiable. I'd hazard a guess that most kids don't like lessons, and they certainly don't like practicing. But I would also guess that most adults that know how to play an instrument don't regret it (and probably are grateful that their parents didn't let them quit).

15 minutes a day at that age is long! For my kids, I think it's better to set an expectation of: play the song/do the exercise X# of times (rather than setting an alarm).

None of that takes away from their other dreams/interest.

[Anonymous]

I spoke to several experienced music teachers about this and all of them told me that basically no child wants to practice. Maybe there are some 1 in 10000 exceptions but most children, including those who became musicians later on, don’t like to practice, need to be reminded etc.