I want to feel beautiful again
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Anonymous
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I didn’t know where to post this but I’m going with the postpartum forum because I am 3 months postpartum and want the advice and input tailored based on that. I have a 4 year old and a 3 month old. I am 35 years old and done having kids.
I was looking at my iPhone “random” highlighted photos and saw pictures of me before kids. I was glowing, I had beautiful long hair, I had nice skin, bright teeth, smelled nice, feminine clothes, and most importantly, I was at a nice weight (not super skinny but just right for my frame). I remember putting on clothes and going out for errands or vacation or date night and I felt beautiful. I want that feeling back even if a little bit. I miss being beautiful and feeling nice about myself. I am overweight I look pregnant with a C-section shelf and arms that are like big potato sacks. I have weird dark spots on my skin. I’ve been cutting my hair since pandemic began and it’s lackluster. I’m constantly so smelly and gassy. I wear leggings and nursing tanks. I have little kids I’m nursing and I’m not rich so I can’t just buy a peloton or go out for extravagant workouts. So, I am nursing, but what can I do? Did any of you lose weight and continued to nurse if you had a regular supply (not over supply)? What should I be eating is there a diet I should follow or hire an Instagram trainer or something? How do I get my skin to look more youthful and can I wear it when nursing? I wish I could do Invisalign or teeth whitening but not sure I can do the time commitment. I don’t fell like buying clothes because I’m overweight. BO is out of control how do I help that? I think if I lost weight I would feel better and other things will improve as well but with nursing and little kids, I don’t know where to start. I feel like the monsters from where the wild things are I want to not be like that. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Have you felt bad about yourself since you had the second baby or did this start when you had your first? Do you have any support at home to get some time for yourself? I am pregnant with my second and this time around I feel less attractive since I rarely get dressed nicely and am working from home. I have not been grooming the way I did pre-pandemic. I have noticed some of the things you mentioned as well and I really hope to get some time to myself when the new baby comes to work on things. Regarding the exercise, walking can help a lot. It’s nicer outside now and you can take the baby in the stroller. Beyond that there are a lot of body weight exercises you can do to tone up and you don’t need any equipment. I woke plan to go get a professional haircut. It doesn’t have to be expensive but if you have been cutting your own hair it will look more polished. Go get a pedicure and some crest white strips. I would just start doing things for yourself here and there. One thing I absolutely make sure I do every day is take a shower. I tend to feeel better once I have. Find a way to make time for that if you aren’t already. |
Anonymous
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Tracking food on MyFitnessPal or Loseit! Is free. Also there are so many workouts on YouTube that you don’t need anything else. Do weight training and walk and track calories. Make sure you eat enough for your supply but deficit enough to lose. https://www.freedieting.com/breastfeeding-calorie-calculator
Store bought tooth white strips work great! $20 bucks on Amazon. Get a vitamin C serum for spots on skin. Use it every morning before moisturizer. The time postpartum is the absolute worst and I’m dreading it. I will also have a c-section. Also for hair…I know it may sound over the top but after I finish blow drying my hair I do a quick curling iron. Even When I’m not going anywhere. It makes me feel nice and when I do go out my hair is already done (I only wash every 4 days). |
Anonymous
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I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 week old and I feel like garbage right now too. I think we have to remember that this is the hardest time and it’s short. With my first I walked a ton with him in the stroller but it’s harder this time because I need to take the toddler to the playground instead of just going on walks with the baby. Basically it’s hard to exercise even at all. I hate it, I’ve been a daily runner since 15 years old and now I kind of feel like a slug. But, I know it will improve.
For clothes, I am in the same situation, just stupid nursing clothes and wearing maternity still. Today I decided I will buy myself some nice feminine scarves and scrunchies for my hair. Then I won’t have to worry about sizes and they won’t interfere with breastfeeding, etc. I used to love picking out and planning my outfits every morning before work. I never left the house without coordinating earrings. Well, I haven’t worn earrings since my first born became old enough to notice them and tug on them. I really miss it but I’m too scared to try wearing them again. No advice basically, just commiseration. |
Anonymous
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OP here thanks all. I did purchase the whitening gel and toothpaste just doesn’t feel as white as they used to be, but I’ll keep up.
Will book a haircut. The losing weight I have HAVE to work on, I had low supply with my first so now that I am okay and EBF successfully I don’t want to lose that, but man…I look like a pregnant lady still in mirror. I felt better after my first, he was a spring baby, I had a nanny, and lived in DC where I walked everywhere. After pandemic and being in suburbs and a Novemebr baby, I’m still very much overweight so I need to work on that. Don’t know much about skincare so will look into vitamin C application. |
Anonymous
OP here yeah ….I think with the second the “ugly” really comes out and stays because there is no time to do anything besides childcare and eating to function. Oh man, I stopped wearing my wedding band and engagement ring for the same reason, and haven’t worn them in. Ages and I adore those rings. I tried to get “nice” maternity clothes postpartum or nursing clothes even tanks, I caught a glimpse in the mirror randomly one day and I just look like a frumpy deflated pregnant woman so def don’t invest in clothes. I wish we could meet and stroller walk and get ready cutely for this stroller walk and enjoy it but I know we’d never get past the door with toddlers and babies and nursing and everything in between. Thanks for commiserating. |
Anonymous
| Please go see a therapist, this sounds like postpartum depression. |
Anonymous
No, it doesn't. Go away. |
Anonymous
| Op - it gets easier please know that! I have a 7, 5 and 2 year old. I was in the thick of postpartum when the pandemic hit (with a 4 week old). Man it was rough. But the weight will come off (might take longer and you will have to put the work in), you will feel more and more like yourself every day. Hugs and good luck! I have been there and done that and it’s nice to know that there is sunlight at the other end of the tunnel! |
Anonymous
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Try Obé for workouts. They’re mostly 28 minutes and they have a ton of options. Since spring is here, treat yourself to one or two really cute dresses in your current size that make you feel good. Get a massage! It’s a great way to treat your body well after all it’s done for you, no matter what the scale says.
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Anonymous
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Fitness blender for workouts- do 10 min increments at a time
Crest white strips Professional grade skin peels at home Put nice tunics or wrap dresses over tunics instead of tanks Shower It does get easier. |
Anonymous
| For workouts, I know its relaly tempting to go for something really hard - but if you're on instagram check out @getmomstrong. She has a whole program based on postpartum health needs, that starts with the very boring and necessary work of training your core to work properly again after getting all stretched out. I've been doing it a while and feel great. |
Anonymous
| Hair extensions for PL hair loss, new makeup, fitness app. Self care is vital for women. |
Anonymous
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Do something that is frivolous, superficial and with the sole purpose of making you feel beautiful. Seriously. You've earned it. That can be getting a blowout or new haircut, trying a spa day, getting your teeth whitened, getting lash extensions (my personal favorite), buying some new clothes, trying a new workout class, whatever.
I found that I'm a much better mom and wife when I can hold on to bits of who I was pre-baby. To me, that meant reminding myself I'm beautiful in little ways and giving myself little boosts when I could...I found that relying on things (having a good mom day) or people (i.e. my husband) to give me confidence was not helpful. |
Anonymous
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You are definitely in the worst of it but don't underestimate the power of pulling yourself together everyday.
You don't have to buy a bunch of new clothes yet, but hey, make sure you shower every day. And then brush and dry your hair and put on some tinted moisturizer and mascara. Nothing crazy, but you will look and feel less like a bag lady just by doing that. And you can do it! Even if you bring the baby into the bathroom and put a them in a bouncer and put the four year old in front of paw patrol. I showered every day and I think this all by itself helped my self esteem. Make sure you have some nicer leggings and just pick up some basics from someplace cheap like target or gap, a few tanks, a denim overshirt, just a way you can go for a walk and feel semi confident. And sure yes long term exercise and activity etc. But cut yourself some slack and glam up a bit and see if that helps to motivate you 
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