Can your nanny do things that you, the parent, can’t?
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Anonymous
| Our nanny happy and calmly handles our two young kids better than DH and I can when one of us is alone with the kids. Is this common? |
Anonymous
| Yes. We have twin toddlers and nanny handles them better and teaches them more than either DH or I do when we’re alone. If we’re both with the kids we do okay but not alone. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like she’s a pro. |
Anonymous
| Yes, she can leave at the end of the day. |
Anonymous
| Yes. She’s been doing this for ten years and comes to work well rested!! |
Anonymous
| This is depressing. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| Don't feel too bad. Children often behave better for adults other than their parents, like teachers. You are their people who they feel comfortable acting out around, because they are secure that you will not leave. |
Anonymous
I think the main issue is that parents who work full time do not get as much practice with the day-to-day of managing two small kids and it is something that requires practice and routine. yes, there are weekends, but it is hard to keep your weekends on a very consistent schedule the way it is with a M-F. If you've ever taken care of a kid under school age full time, you understand that there is often an adjustment period but once you can establish a schedule for food, exercise, sleep, and activities, the time can become very easy and pleasurable. And as the routine gets very predictable for the kids, they become very easy to manage because they trust you -- you have essentially created a universe for them with consistent rules, and stability and security are deep, innate needs for children at this age. This will always be easier for the M-F, 9-6 caregiver to accomplish than anyone who takes over in the evenings or weekends. Always. This is also a dynamic that comes up when there is a SAHP and a working parent. The working parent often feels like they are "bad" at parenting when they solo parent at night or on the weekends. But it's not about being bad at it. It's about establishing that consistency so the child trusts you, and then building on that trust to make your interactions smoother and easier. You can do this as a working parent, but you have to be diligent and understand what you are doing. If you are inconsistent with your schedule or availability, or you respond inconsistently to their behavior based on your own schedule or moods, your child will not trust you as much and will resist you more, and you will also lack the knowledge of their temperament to ease them through meltdowns or dealing with being tired or hungry. It's not that taking care of children is rocket science. It's that it is something that requires time, patience, and focus. There are no shortcuts. Every caregiver must start with the fundamentals and build from there. Good nannies understand this because of experience and because doing so makes their jobs not only easier but pleasurable -- they can enjoy the kids they care for because those kids' needs are being met and it allows their personalities and playfulness to shine through. |
Anonymous
| Our nanny loves kids and loves spending all day with them. I am not that person. I don't enjoy kids and dread spending entire days with them. |
Anonymous
I had a friend who phoned he housekeeper to come back to work after going home for the evening, in order to put her kid to bed. He was 8 or 9 years old at the time. Both depressing and excruciating. |
Anonymous
I forgot to add the fact that my friend was a SAHM. |
Anonymous
Then why on earth did you have kids? This makes no sense. You don’t “enjoy kids” but you had them anyway. That’s probably the most depressing, unsettling thing I’ve read today. |
Anonymous
I'm guessing PP will say that they enjoy older kids but just not small kids, but I'm still bothered by this. I think the act of parenting young children is really important for introducing you to parenting as a role. The reason spending "entire days" with children is hard is that it is challenging to be responsible for someone else's health, well being, emotional stability, etc., 24/7. Yes, it's freaking draining! There are times when it's easier (babies, once napping reliably, are pretty great) and times when it's really hard (2-3 and sometimes 4 is pretty reliably challenging when you are doing full days with them, even when they are great kids -- they just need SO much). But this idea that you can skip that period and still be a good or functional parent? I'm unconvinced. That's when your kids figure out if they can trust you, that you are a place of security and reliability. If you just outsource that to someone else, I think you are setting yourself up for weird and potentially really bad relationships with your kids. Even if you hire a fantastic nanny or nannies and they do a great job raising your children through these more demanding years, and then you send your kids to great schools with nurturing teachers, at some point your child is going to have a problem that requires family support, not hired help. And you will have no basis for helping them through it. It will be isolating for them and they will discover that they are, truly, alone in the universe. Why would you do this to another human being? My kid knows I'm always there for her. No matter what. She has had nannies and sitters throughout her life, and of course goes to school, but her dad and I are #1 and no matter what she knows she can come to us, whether it's because of a stomach ache or friend problem or she's just feeling sad or lonely. She is not alone in the universe and as long as we're alive, will never be. |