Reply to Can your nanny do things that you, the parent, can’t?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is depressing.[/quote]

I think the main issue is that parents who work full time do not get as much practice with the day-to-day of managing two small kids and it is something that requires practice and routine. yes, there are weekends, but it is hard to keep your weekends on a very consistent schedule the way it is with a M-F.

If you've ever taken care of a kid under school age full time, you understand that there is often an adjustment period but once you can establish a schedule for food, exercise, sleep, and activities, the time can become very easy and pleasurable. And as the routine gets very predictable for the kids, they become very easy to manage because they trust you -- you have essentially created a universe for them with consistent rules, and stability and security are deep, innate needs for children at this age. This will always be easier for the M-F, 9-6 caregiver to accomplish than anyone who takes over in the evenings or weekends. Always.

This is also a dynamic that comes up when there is a SAHP and a working parent. The working parent often feels like they are "bad" at parenting when they solo parent at night or on the weekends. But it's not about being bad at it. It's about establishing that consistency so the child trusts you, and then building on that trust to make your interactions smoother and easier. You can do this as a working parent, but you have to be diligent and understand what you are doing. If you are inconsistent with your schedule or availability, or you respond inconsistently to their behavior based on your own schedule or moods, your child will not trust you as much and will resist you more, and you will also lack the knowledge of their temperament to ease them through meltdowns or dealing with being tired or hungry.

It's not that taking care of children is rocket science. It's that it is something that requires time, patience, and focus. There are no shortcuts. Every caregiver must start with the fundamentals and build from there. Good nannies understand this because of experience and because doing so makes their jobs not only easier but pleasurable -- they can enjoy the kids they care for because those kids' needs are being met and it allows their personalities and playfulness to shine through.[/quote]

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