How early did you know your mother didn’t “like” you or you didn’t “like” her and

[Anonymous]

- knew you would not have a close relationship in the future? What is your standing now? I realize my teen is a teen but her personality traits have been the same since she was a baby. I’m trying hard as a mother in every way possible but DD is a nightmare, her needy, emotional escapades are draining. I realize it could be way worse, thankfully I have her in therapy and meds, me as well.

I try so hard not to react or indulge in her escapades but when her father constantly gives in and she takes advantage, it crushes me. I can’t believe z saying this I can’t wait until she’s 18 and out of our house. At this point, I can’t ever see her leaving, even then; she’s so insecure at 15, she still comes to sleep in our room (floor). I cannot get my husband to not cater to her, go to family therapy, stop trying to be there friend and help discipline. I’m ‘closing’ down. Friends say this will all pass when they are older but I can’t see it, I just can’t stand her.

[Anonymous]

If I had to guess, y’all aren’t attached. That’s more than just ‘not liking’ or having clashing on personalities. That starts in babyhood, and it would be highly unlikely to reverse now, from what you’ve described

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- knew you would not have a close relationship in the future? What is your standing now? I realize my teen is a teen but her personality traits have been the same since she was a baby. I’m trying hard as a mother in every way possible but DD is a nightmare, her needy, emotional escapades are draining. I realize it could be way worse, thankfully I have her in therapy and meds, me as well.

I try so hard not to react or indulge in her escapades but when her father constantly gives in and she takes advantage, it crushes me. I can’t believe z saying this I can’t wait until she’s 18 and out of our house. At this point, I can’t ever see her leaving, even then; she’s so insecure at 15, she still comes to sleep in our room (floor). I cannot get my husband to not cater to her, go to family therapy, stop trying to be there friend and help discipline. I’m ‘closing’ down. Friends say this will all pass when they are older but I can’t see it, I just can’t stand her.

It can be draining to have a child who is struggling but you need to get yourself in order. Get yourself some better different therapy and get yourself in a place where you can help your child and remain sane at the same time. But what you don’t do is give up on your child. Figure this shit out.

[Anonymous]

My mother and me never got along and this lasted until the day she died. I think it started around 3rd grade. My dad used to be traveling all the time and when he came home he would spoil us rotten, and I would snitch on anything she did. At that time I didn't know he would abuse her for disciplining the kids. So basically, I snitch, dad hits mom. So she gave up disciplining me and I guess also resented me. As I grew older I realized what a horrid person my father was (he started slapping and hitting me too - teens through my early 20's). My mother who was abused herself never protected me and I hated her for that. In spite of all that I miss her now that she is gone.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the saddest things I've ever read on DCUM.
What if you went to therapy?

[Anonymous]

She said she is in therapy.

I am so sorry that you are struggling OP.

I had a friend whose son had oppositional disorder. He would argue or disobey EVERY comment she made, since he was like 7. He did not seem to care about her at all.

The good news is that now, in his late 20's, he has really turned around (after treatment for his issues and substance abuse). They have a good relationship. He has a girlfriend and a job. Try to hold on. This will be the worse period I think, because she is wanting independence but still living with you.

I wish you peace and love down the line.

[Anonymous]

For as long as I can remember. It was fundamentally a clash of temperaments plus the fact that my mother *always* disliked other women. So she favored my brothers and either ignored or was actively mean to me. With more maturity on both sides, we have a cordial relationship now but will never be close. She is still one of the most selfish and critical people I've ever met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She said she is in therapy.

I am so sorry that you are struggling OP.

I had a friend whose son had oppositional disorder. He would argue or disobey EVERY comment she made, since he was like 7. He did not seem to care about her at all.

The good news is that now, in his late 20's, he has really turned around (after treatment for his issues and substance abuse). They have a good relationship. He has a girlfriend and a job. Try to hold on. This will be the worse period I think, because she is wanting independence but still living with you.

I wish you peace and love down the line.

No, she said her daughter was in therapy. This mother also needs help.

Do you know what feeds insecurity OP? Feeling like your mother does not like you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. This is a really hard and sad situation, but I think the positive here is that you recognize that there is a problem and you want to solve it. It's a shame that your husband is so unsupportive and rejects family therapy. I think this is something you need to insist on. Can you show him this post? Can you do anything to show how serious you feel about it? If not, I think therapy for you and DD will be helpful than nothing. He can refuse to go but he can't prevent you from going, or from bringing your daughter.

My mom and my sister were like this. My mom is emotionally immature and her personality and my sister's just clashed. As an adult and parent, I'm shocked at what my sister had to endure. Props to you for wanting to fix this. My mom would probably be a much happier person if she had gone to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother and me never got along and this lasted until the day she died. I think it started around 3rd grade. My dad used to be traveling all the time and when he came home he would spoil us rotten, and I would snitch on anything she did. At that time I didn't know he would abuse her for disciplining the kids. So basically, I snitch, dad hits mom. So she gave up disciplining me and I guess also resented me. As I grew older I realized what a horrid person my father was (he started slapping and hitting me too - teens through my early 20's). My mother who was abused herself never protected me and I hated her for that. In spite of all that I miss her now that she is gone.

You were a child being manipulated by an abuser. Please be gentle with yourself.

I am so sorry your childhood was like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- knew you would not have a close relationship in the future? What is your standing now? I realize my teen is a teen but her personality traits have been the same since she was a baby. I’m trying hard as a mother in every way possible but DD is a nightmare, her needy, emotional escapades are draining. I realize it could be way worse, thankfully I have her in therapy and meds, me as well.

I try so hard not to react or indulge in her escapades but when her father constantly gives in and she takes advantage, it crushes me. I can’t believe z saying this I can’t wait until she’s 18 and out of our house. At this point, I can’t ever see her leaving, even then; she’s so insecure at 15, she still comes to sleep in our room (floor). I cannot get my husband to not cater to her, go to family therapy, stop trying to be there friend and help discipline. I’m ‘closing’ down. Friends say this will all pass when they are older but I can’t see it, I just can’t stand her.

It can be draining to have a child who is struggling but you need to get yourself in order. Get yourself some better different therapy and get yourself in a place where you can help your child and remain sane at the same time. But what you don’t do is give up on your child. Figure this shit out.

+100!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother and me never got along and this lasted until the day she died. I think it started around 3rd grade. My dad used to be traveling all the time and when he came home he would spoil us rotten, and I would snitch on anything she did. At that time I didn't know he would abuse her for disciplining the kids. So basically, I snitch, dad hits mom. So she gave up disciplining me and I guess also resented me. As I grew older I realized what a horrid person my father was (he started slapping and hitting me too - teens through my early 20's). My mother who was abused herself never protected me and I hated her for that. In spite of all that I miss her now that she is gone.

That's really messed up. This is why we never hit/spanked our kids - teaching violence at home, as a method to control, as a method to vent feelings. Your father was probably beaten by his parents and he passed the tradition down.

[Anonymous]

Girls are harder to raise than boys. But, if you live through it, she probably be a lovable adult.

[Anonymous]

I think you have a husband problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- knew you would not have a close relationship in the future? What is your standing now? I realize my teen is a teen but her personality traits have been the same since she was a baby. I’m trying hard as a mother in every way possible but DD is a nightmare, her needy, emotional escapades are draining. I realize it could be way worse, thankfully I have her in therapy and meds, me as well.

I try so hard not to react or indulge in her escapades but when her father constantly gives in and she takes advantage, it crushes me. I can’t believe z saying this I can’t wait until she’s 18 and out of our house. At this point, I can’t ever see her leaving, even then; she’s so insecure at 15, she still comes to sleep in our room (floor). I cannot get my husband to not cater to her, go to family therapy, stop trying to be there friend and help discipline. I’m ‘closing’ down. Friends say this will all pass when they are older but I can’t see it, I just can’t stand her.

The answer is yes, she can tell you don’t like her and yes that is harmful. If I were you, I would take a step back and let DH take the lead since it seems like they have a more secure attachment/bond. What seems like coddling to you may just be actually loving and liking his daughter, and she may be less secure if she actually felt loved at home.