Dating someone with ED

[Anonymous]

He is otherwise so masculine and really turns me on but due to a surgery has pretty severe ED. WWYD. Can get it up with medical assistance (injections) but needless to say I was not expecting this. Don’t want to hurt his feelings and was totally accepting and supportive about it. We’re all only mortal after all. But, it’s a lot. He is otherwise fantastic at foreplay/other stuff.

[Anonymous]

How old is he and how old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he and how old are you?

Him 60s me 50s.

[Anonymous]

Got it, I am mid 40s so it would be tough to accept but I don't know how I would feel about it in a decade. I assume ED comes with the territory of dating mid 60s and above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got it, I am mid 40s so it would be tough to accept but I don't know how I would feel about it in a decade. I assume ED comes with the territory of dating mid 60s and above.

OP here. I have a strong drive and it hasn’t lessened since my forties (or late thirties). You will feel the same about it in the years as you do now. I’m not even menopausal yet.

[Anonymous]

^ten years

[Anonymous]

You are both old. This is reality. What do you expect for men in their 60s

[Anonymous]

I'd say it's a pretty big deal. The wanting for sex is a strong urge.
Once you do the injection, is at all good from there? If it is, that's a positive.

[Anonymous]

LOL OP. Many women would love to have him. They are stuck having sex with guys they aren't attracted to. Or simply aren't interested in sex.

What about the bigger things in the relationship OP? You know like communication, does he treat you well, is he financially sound, and you know....the real meat and potatoes of the relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say it's a pretty big deal. The wanting for sex is a strong urge.
Once you do the injection, is at all good from there? If it is, that's a positive.

That's my question as well - do the injections work? My DH has suffered from ED for a while because of a medical condition. Pills/injections don't work for him. It's not what I ever envisioned for us (we both have/had strong sex drives and our sex life was great) but we'd been married 20 years and he was a great partner. We do other stuff so our intimacy remains strong - and our communication around it was pretty good and that made a huge difference. I'm okay where we are because ED is part of 'the package' and what I like about 'the package' far outweighs the parts I don't. Only you can decide if this guy has enough positive things in his 'package'. What if the injections stop working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say it's a pretty big deal. The wanting for sex is a strong urge.
Once you do the injection, is at all good from there? If it is, that's a positive.

It’s okay—not as large as I think it would otherwise be (his other dimensions would lead you to expect an above-average size penis), and some decreased sensitivity that makes my job more labor-intensive, but it does last about an hour. I am someone who could go all night and 3-5 times a session so I guess it’s good he excels in other areas and perhaps will overcompensate. Rest of relationship is so far good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL OP. Many women would love to have him. They are stuck having sex with guys they aren't attracted to. Or simply aren't interested in sex.

What about the bigger things in the relationship OP? You know like communication, does he treat you well, is he financially sound, and you know....the real meat and potatoes of the relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bolded has absolutely no bearing on OP's situation - and, it's not funny.

[Anonymous]

Well, he’s not less masculine because he has ED. You need to start reframing men in terms of the state of their penis.

The newsflash for you might be that this is going to be very common in your age cohort, and anyone older.

It sounds like he’s dealing with it with injections, and that’s a good thing. His inability to get an erection has nothing to do with you or his desire for you, it’s a physiological issue that he can deal with.

You might want to start exploring and adding other things that aren’t PIV into your lexicon and routine because there are MANY things you can do together that will bring pleasure both ways.

I also want to point out that you’re not menopausal yet, but you will be, and you’ll see that you don’t have the control over your physiology the way you’d like. You may find that things you can learn from this partner will help you then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say it's a pretty big deal. The wanting for sex is a strong urge.
Once you do the injection, is at all good from there? If it is, that's a positive.

That's my question as well - do the injections work? My DH has suffered from ED for a while because of a medical condition. Pills/injections don't work for him. It's not what I ever envisioned for us (we both have/had strong sex drives and our sex life was great) but we'd been married 20 years and he was a great partner. We do other stuff so our intimacy remains strong - and our communication around it was pretty good and that made a huge difference. I'm okay where we are because ED is part of 'the package' and what I like about 'the package' far outweighs the parts I don't. Only you can decide if this guy has enough positive things in his 'package'. What if the injections stop working?

They do work, see below.

I would find it pretty difficult if they stopped working and so would he. I would feel inadequate and it would weigh on me if I couldn’t reciprocate in giving him orgasms. His other skills are outstanding but it doesn’t leave me a lot of options to get even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, he’s not less masculine because he has ED. You need to start reframing men in terms of the state of their penis.

The newsflash for you might be that this is going to be very common in your age cohort, and anyone older.

It sounds like he’s dealing with it with injections, and that’s a good thing. His inability to get an erection has nothing to do with you or his desire for you, it’s a physiological issue that he can deal with.

You might want to start exploring and adding other things that aren’t PIV into your lexicon and routine because there are MANY things you can do together that will bring pleasure both ways.

I also want to point out that you’re not menopausal yet, but you will be, and you’ll see that you don’t have the control over your physiology the way you’d like. You may find that things you can learn from this partner will help you then.

Omg could you be anymore patronizing? I *started out* by praising his overall masculinity and all-around skills why are you addressing me like you are the only person who knows there is more to life than PIV?