Supported DH for 10 years and want to become a SAHM now

[Anonymous]

My SIL got engaged to her college sweetheart right after undergrad. She is a financial executive now who worked and supported her DH through post-bacc, medical school, residency and fellowship. He is a finally earning a decent salary now. They are starting a family and thinking of her becoming a SAHM as his job hours are long and involve shifts. She is doing well in her career but doesn’t want stress of juggling a demanding career and young children. However, my ILs feel she made enough sacrifices (financial and of moving around for his med school, residency and recently for his new job) and this one is just not fair to her and he should find a schedule to be an equal partner. She asked me and her brother for advice. We couldn’t offer any. What your life experiences say about such a situation?

[Anonymous]

Is it a sacrifice if she WANTS to SAH? Doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL got engaged to her college sweetheart right after undergrad. She is a financial executive now who worked and supported her DH through post-bacc, medical school, residency and fellowship. He is a finally earning a decent salary now. They are starting a family and thinking of her becoming a SAHM as his job hours are long and involve shifts. She is doing well in her career but doesn’t want stress of juggling a demanding career and young children. However, my ILs feel she made enough sacrifices (financial and of moving around for his med school, residency and recently for his new job) and this one is just not fair to her and he should find a schedule to be an equal partner. She asked me and her brother for advice. We couldn’t offer any. What your life experiences say about such a situation?

Who cares what your ILs think? Their opinion is neither valid nor relevant. Falls under the category of "duly noted" and if offered unsolicited, "you are an asshole."

What does *she* want. A lot of women who shift from high-octane career to SAHM end up hating it. She might want to see how she feels after an extended maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Does she want to stay home? How realistic is it for her dr husband to have a more relaxed schedule?

[Anonymous]

I think an ambitious woman will bore quickly of having no identity other than wife and mom.

[Anonymous]

My ILs are her parents.

[Anonymous]

I think she's an adult and she and her husband need to figure this out themselves without family members being involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are her parents.

They still don't get a say.

[Anonymous]

Who cares what your ILs think? Their opinion is neither valid nor relevant. Falls under the category of "duly noted" and if offered unsolicited, "you are an asshole."

What does *she* want. A lot of women who shift from high-octane career to SAHM end up hating it. She might want to see how she feels after an extended maternity leave.

This was exactly my sentiment reading this. Who cares what the ILs think? It's whatever your sister and her DH want. I also agree that she should test out an extended maternity leave before making a final decision.

[Anonymous]

Oh man. She should wait until he’s already made a lot of money so that she would be entitled to half of the marital assets if they get divorced.

Think how she would feel if she puts him through all that training, then quits to sahm, then they get divorced within a few years. She won’t be entitled to his assets earned after the divorce, except maybe some paltry alimony for a year or two and some child support maybe. She will be expected to go back to work, but she probably be to get as good a job after taking time off. So she will be watching him make all that money that she helped him train for, not be entitled to it, and watch him spend it on some other woman.

Seriously. She shouldn’t mommy track, at least not yet. Or at least not without a post nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a sacrifice if she WANTS to SAH? Doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page.

Yes. She’ll be giving up corporate ladder and her high income because never have nor can (at least in near future) pitch in equally due to his studies and career. A good chunk of his income would go towards student loans. What if he falls for someone and they split, she’ll be the one with short end of the stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man. She should wait until he’s already made a lot of money so that she would be entitled to half of the marital assets if they get divorced.

Think how she would feel if she puts him through all that training, then quits to sahm, then they get divorced within a few years. She won’t be entitled to his assets earned after the divorce, except maybe some paltry alimony for a year or two and some child support maybe. She will be expected to go back to work, but she probably be to get as good a job after taking time off. So she will be watching him make all that money that she helped him train for, not be entitled to it, and watch him spend it on some other woman.

Seriously. She shouldn’t mommy track, at least not yet. Or at least not without a post nup.

This is a risk whether or not she works and can only be addressed with a post-nup, which she should put in place prior to quitting her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man. She should wait until he’s already made a lot of money so that she would be entitled to half of the marital assets if they get divorced.

Think how she would feel if she puts him through all that training, then quits to sahm, then they get divorced within a few years. She won’t be entitled to his assets earned after the divorce, except maybe some paltry alimony for a year or two and some child support maybe. She will be expected to go back to work, but she probably be to get as good a job after taking time off. So she will be watching him make all that money that she helped him train for, not be entitled to it, and watch him spend it on some other woman.

Seriously. She shouldn’t mommy track, at least not yet. Or at least not without a post nup.

This is a risk whether or not she works and can only be addressed with a post-nup, which she should put in place prior to quitting her job.

But if she doesn’t quit, she still has her high paying career if they divorce, rather than a derailed career.

Very big difference between deciding to stay home after husband has already made a ton of money, versus deciding to stay home after years of hubby making very little money and when he is just starting to make more.

I agree I would not sahm without a post nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are her parents.

They still don't get a say.

They can’t decide for her but if they are loving and concerned parents, they can offer their input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are her parents.

They still don't get a say.

They can’t decide for her but if they are loving and concerned parents, they can offer their input.

They can offer it if she requests it.