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Women Quitting or Taking Leave of Absence to Manage Kids' College Applications?
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Anonymous
| REcently, there was an article on cnn about women taking a few months' leave or SAH just to shepherd their kids through the college app process. That to me is just plain nuts. Comments? |
Anonymous
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Here's what's involved:
visiting schools - we will probably see 20, none of them close by. Not many do Saturday tours. Then depending on what the final list is you need to go back to some for the interview. It is hard to send the kid on their own to these because they can't rent a car and at least some of the ones we are looking at are not close to major airports. transporting to SAT prep - individual tutoring sessions in both math and english. Towards the end of tutoring DC could drive so that helped a little bit. attend college fairs and other local events - one last night, one last week as an example That's before the applications even start. dont know about a leave, but it's sure hard to work full time and do all this. |
Anonymous
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Jeesh, can you say helicopter parents??
Somehow my parents managed that whole process fine with 3 kids without taking any more than a day or two here and there to visit schools. I did my applications all by myself, and I typed them on a typewriter too! A senior in HS couldn't go to a college fair or SAT prep by themselves? They can't get on a plane to visit friends at college? I hate to sound like an old fogy but I really do fear for the future if kids are being so sheltered and hand-held. |
Anonymous
I agree. Plus visiting 20 schools? That seems crazy (of course I can say that because I am still 10 years away from the process  )
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Anonymous
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Times have changed. 25 years my parents didn't have to do a thing except pay for application fees and drive me to interviews. 25 years ago I applied to only 4 schools, and it was not considered risky to apply to only Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Cornell. I went to a prep school that took juniors on week-long tour of colleges, so my parents didn't have to do that. My parents didn't even read my applications.
Now, with the common app, applying to 13 schools is the norm. And parenting is much more involved and hands-on than 25 years ago; the mother who was doing flash cards with little two-year-old Maisie so taht she could be ahead of her classmates is not going to be able to sit back and let college admissions just happen! I'm a SAHM, and I just shudder at all that has to be done for college applications. I hope I will be able to resist reading my kids' essays and pointing out the errors! I'm not sure I would take a leave of absence from work, though. That's a bit crazy to me. |
Anonymous
15:00 here - these are junior year activities. Haven't gotten to senior year. And I think I pointed out why the kid cant go alone - some of these schools are miles from an airport, the schools do not provide transportation, and people under 23 or 25 or whatever can't rent cars. And no as I pointed out the kids cant go to SAT prep alone when they can't drive. Just you wait..this ain't your parents college app process anymore. |
Anonymous
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That's insane and totally unnecessary.
And visiting 20 far-away schools is ludicrous. |
Anonymous
You are lucky your child is more focused than mine. The first 5-6 were just to get a sense of urban/rural, large/small, etc. Only 1 of those is maybe on the list now. The next six were more successful but still some surprises based on what had seemed to be a fit based on websites, etc. Have more to go. Also the selective schools require/strongly prefer visits and interviews - maybe an outcome of the common app is that they put a premium on people who have actually shown an interest in the school (some tell you this). Ultimately DC expects to only apply to 8 or so, which is lower than many kids these days. So share your experiences - how many is your DC visiting and applying to and how are you handling the process better? I have actually enjoyed traveling with my teen and talking about what s/he likes and dislikes about the schools. |
Anonymous
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I have a college freshman, a 10th-grader and a 5th-grader. In our experience with our oldest we found that the application process is more complicated and involved for the whole family than it was back in the day. (Even our youngest got into it, making a chart ranking the schools based on proximity to ice cream shops she visited while her brother and I took the tour). Still, I would not say it requires a parent to take a LOA -- though having scheduling flexibility definitely helps. We visited fewer than 10 schools, starting in spring of 9th-grade when we just walked around a couple of campuses in NYC during spring break. Our son also spent a week on one campus doing a sports camp the summer after 9th-grade and returned to that camp the following summer. We saw three or four more schools during spring break of junior year, then two more that summer. The visits were not stressful, though I had anticipated they would be based on what I heard from other folks.
I think we were lucky in that our son was focused in his priorities -- academic, athletic and ambiance-wise-- and his counselor gave us good advice. Our son applied to one school early decision and was accepted there. He had done SAT prep with Capital Educators and found it helpful. I don't recall that getting him to classes was a big deal logistically, but, again, I do have a fair amount of flexibility as I'm a self-employed consultant. The most stressful part of the process was staying focused on what would be best for our son, rather than getting caught up in the sense of competition and anxiety many kids and parents seemed to feel. Breathe deeply and repeat: "There are lots of great schools where you'll thrive, learn and be happy. We're proud of you and you don't need to present us with a bumper sticker from a school to validate our pride. Much of this process is a crapshoot and you can't take it as a judgment of who you are or who you will become." Honestly, it also helped that my husband and I both attended brand-name schools and could point out to our son that we had classmates who were bright and successful, and others not so much. In the end, we were really lucky with the outcome and our son is happy with his choice. It was heart-breaking to see friends of his who were not so lucky, but, a year later, I can say that they all seem happy and are doing well at the schools where they ended up. |
Anonymous
| Thank God our kid did most of her own work. She went on College Discovery by herself for 2 weeks to look at colleges in CA and to do SAT prep. Then, she went to the college fairs by herself. She was ultimately recruited to play sports for an Ivy (so she went on her own official athletic invite visits by herself). As a family, we only drove to NC to look at Duke and UNC. When we were on a visit to Boston (we looked at colleges there) and that was it. Kid did her own essays w/o our input and that was pretty much it. We are very thankful how it worked out. I think most kids can figure it out for themselves if the parents don't put on too much pressure and if they don't act too "helicopter". |
Anonymous
Sending a kid on a $5,300 college visit/SAT prep program is letting her do it by herself? You just outsourced the process. Nothing wrong with that at all but it's not the same as sending a kid to remote college campuses on their own. |
Anonymous
| Can't a junior drive or at least take public transportation by him/herself? Really, if you are going to send your kid away to be on their own you have to start cutting the apron strings a little and empower them with some independence. |
Anonymous
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Okay - here's an example we are currently dealing with. Tell me how to get a kid to St Lawrence University. It's 10 hours from here by car. Closest airport is Ottawa. Albany is about 4 hours or so away. Syracuse is closer but RT airfare is over $500. Car rentals not allowed. Let me know how to do this economically and without parental involvement. |
Anonymous
http://www.stlawu.edu/admis/how.html Vamoose to NYC, then bus from Port Authority. Fly to Albany, then commuter plane ($100 or less roundtrip, if their website is correct Fly to Albany, cab to bus station, bus to school. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| That's funny pp. Sounds like something I would have done when I was younger. Great research by the way. |