Do you expect an appetizer/small nibble when you're invited for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Settle this debate for me. My sister and I live close to each other and often have a similar group of people over for dinner. She always serves a platter of cheese and crackers before the main meal (generally something like pork tenderloin with vegetables). My vote is to skip the appetizer so people are more hungry and can really enjoy the main meal. My sister says people will be starving and expect a nibble.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

With some friends but not others, OP. My closest American friends are non-appetizer people because they're healthy eaters and don't want to waste calories on the usual appetizer fare.

However, I have other friends, from my home country, who culturally can't invite people over without an appetizer. Usually it's very small portions, but it's to make the point that we're having a dinner party and that it's not just an every day dinner. Last time it was smoked salmon on little pieces of puffed pastry for one friend, and my other friend just really likes artisan saucisson.

So... know your audience?

[Anonymous]

I expect a nibble.

Not that I need one, but I would be surprised not to see one?

Maybe some nuts or something and then if they don't get eaten you can keep them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I expect a nibble.

Not that I need one, but I would be surprised not to see one?

Maybe some nuts or something and then if they don't get eaten you can keep them.

Same. I normally do a cheese/charcuterie/nuts/spreads board in the living room for drinks before we sit at the table. People can have some, or not. Most do. I'm a white American if that makes a difference like PP noted.

[Anonymous]

I always serve some sort of hors d'oeuvres. If you're guests coming to our house for a meal, we'll greet you at the door and take you into the living room where we will serve drinks. I will have out some hors d'oeuvres there, whether it be a simple cheese and cracker tray for a variety of nibblies. I think it would be very odd to have you in my living room drinking drinks and not have any food out. If you want to be basic about it, then I think of having the hors d'oeuvres as priming the pump.

If I go to your house and you have nothing, I won't think less of you but I will think it is odd and that perhaps you don't know how things are "done." I have lived all over the world and I'm having a hard time thinking of any country or culture where it is considered correct or acceptable to NOT serve any type of hors d'oeuvres or appetizer and I can't think of one. It doesn't mean that there aren't any places but just that I haven't lived or visited there.

[Anonymous]

I always have appetizers. I am conscious of not making them too heavy if I also am serving a heavy meal. Typically when guests arrive I immediately offer a drink so I think it's nice to have something to nibble on while having a drink. If there's a timing issue (early or weeknight dinner) than I might keep it to just some nuts and move quickly into serving the meal. However usually I'm inviting friends for a leisurely night so that includes time for drinks and appetizers.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Yes we serve them as do our friends. My parents and in-laws even do so when we go over for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Obviously when hosting a dinner party you serve a little something before the main meal, especially if you are serving cocktails/beer/wine beforehand.

What, you think your guests either want to:
A) Arrive at 6 and you start serving dinner at 6:05?
B) Sit around and stare for an hour and a half so that they get sufficiently hungry according to…your measure of what hunger level they should achieve?

Your sister is a better hostess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we serve them as do our friends. My parents and in-laws even do so when we go over for dinner.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
With some friends but not others, OP. My closest American friends are non-appetizer people because they're healthy eaters and don't want to waste calories on the usual appetizer fare.

However, I have other friends, from my home country, who culturally can't invite people over without an appetizer. Usually it's very small portions, but it's to make the point that we're having a dinner party and that it's not just an every day dinner. Last time it was smoked salmon on little pieces of puffed pastry for one friend, and my other friend just really likes artisan saucisson.

So... know your audience?

Me again. I just realized that it's because none of us drink alcohol on a regular basis. So we just talk, then have dinner. And for my compatriots, we eat appetizers while drinking non-alcoholic drinks with one family, and alcohol with the other. If drinks are served before the meal, then of course it does seem strange to not serve anything with them.

For the PP who wondered where appetizers are not served regularly, Asian countries? I have never been served drinks and appetizers in Japan before a meal.

[Anonymous]

I've never been served appetizers in Israel either nor am I served appetizers when going to Shabbat dinners within the US. Do other people have appetizers with Shabbat? We also tend to sit down to the meal fairly quicly.

[Anonymous]

I always have some small nibbles, especially for a formal dinner but even if guests are mingling in the kitchen prior to dinner. If nothing else, it gives people something to do, is nice to have, with drinks, and makes a nice transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always serve some sort of hors d'oeuvres. If you're guests coming to our house for a meal, we'll greet you at the door and take you into the living room where we will serve drinks. I will have out some hors d'oeuvres there, whether it be a simple cheese and cracker tray for a variety of nibblies. I think it would be very odd to have you in my living room drinking drinks and not have any food out. If you want to be basic about it, then I think of having the hors d'oeuvres as priming the pump.

If I go to your house and you have nothing, I won't think less of you but I will think it is odd and that perhaps you don't know how things are "done." I have lived all over the world and I'm having a hard time thinking of any country or culture where it is considered correct or acceptable to NOT serve any type of hors d'oeuvres or appetizer and I can't think of one. It doesn't mean that there aren't any places but just that I haven't lived or visited there.

+1

I love hosting, and we always have something out. If time is tight even just a cheese plate or some salty crunch (nuts, pretzels). If I’m on my game or it’s a big event like a holiday, the hors d’oeuvres will be pretty elaborate. Part of it is we usually will talk and have cocktails for 1-3 hours depending on the group, so it would be strange not to have anything.

If I came to your house and you didn’t have anything out, I wouldn’t think badly of you and we’d have a great time anyway! But yeah put out a bowl of pretzels.

[Anonymous]

I don’t like large quantities of cheese etc being put out before meals. A little charcuterie, some nuts, or parmesan chunks or some such is fine.