Big Law and conspicuous shows of wealth

[Anonymous]

Lots of Big Law folks here. Lots of money in Big Law. I'm from an "old money" fiscally conservative family, so my question if more about culture than resources. I have several friends (3) in Big Law who are quite showy, always buying gifts for me and my kids (and everyone else in their circle). Celebrations with them are always over the top. At times it makes me uncomfortable. I'm positive it makes some friends in our larger social circle uncomfortable. It might come from a place of insecurity, I don't really know. These are very kind, smart folks, and I enjoy their company, but not necessarily this particular aspect of our friendship. Should I just ignore it? Give a subtle hint (if so, how)? If it is coming from a place of insecurity, I don't want to make that feeling worse. For now, I do ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself. That’s where I would start. Some people like big parties and big presents. Some people don’t. We are a”big law” family and we don’t. I’ve not found other “big law” families do, either. Worry about yourself and your old money.

[Anonymous]

If you are from old money can you really say there’s “lots of money” in big law?

[Anonymous]

Love these old money people who feel they are better because they are "low key". I know a couple of old money folks (and a lot more that are not really "old money" but aspire to "old money values", and none of these people are as low key as they think they are. In most ways they are very obviously in a big giant bubble of privilege and ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of Big Law folks here. Lots of money in Big Law. I'm from an "old money" fiscally conservative family, so my question if more about culture than resources. I have several friends (3) in Big Law who are quite showy, always buying gifts for me and my kids (and everyone else in their circle). Celebrations with them are always over the top. At times it makes me uncomfortable. I'm positive it makes some friends in our larger social circle uncomfortable. It might come from a place of insecurity, I don't really know. These are very kind, smart folks, and I enjoy their company, but not necessarily this particular aspect of our friendship. Should I just ignore it? Give a subtle hint (if so, how)? If it is coming from a place of insecurity, I don't want to make that feeling worse. For now, I do ignore it.

A subtle hint? About what? How would you do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are from old money can you really say there’s “lots of money” in big law?

Not even sure what old money means in this context.

Met very few biglaw families like this. They tend more to live large but as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over yourself. That’s where I would start. Some people like big parties and big presents. Some people don’t. We are a”big law” family and we don’t. I’ve not found other “big law” families do, either. Worry about yourself and your old money.

+1
You come off sounding like a snob and a busy body. Some people like lavish stuff, and others don't. But to generalize about people based on their profession, or the size of the firm where they work, is like generalizing about race or gender. And I am struggling to see how or why this is a problem in any event.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you uncomfortable, then its your insecurity, not theirs.

Enjoy their friendship and MYOB or find other friends. Don't tell them how to live

[Anonymous]

Have empathy. They're new money and don't know how to handle it. They're probably new money from Ohio or somewhere, which is even worse.

[Anonymous]

This is pretty rich, lol, pun intended, given that you want to give them a conspicuous display of your superior class and social etiquette savvy with a “subtle hint”. You sound like a huge jealous and judgmental as$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love these old money people who feel they are better because they are "low key". I know a couple of old money folks (and a lot more that are not really "old money" but aspire to "old money values", and none of these people are as low key as they think they are. In most ways they are very obviously in a big giant bubble of privilege and ignorance.

Ha! So true. I once met an insufferable woman at a party, who leaned in and whispered to me her big secret, "our family is really rich but we never tell anybody." I think the OP would get a long well with her!

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why you framed this as specifically a "big law" issue. In any event, assume that people have good intentions. Maybe your friends are just generous people who are cognizant of their good fortune and are happy to treat their friends.

[Anonymous]

So many of my partners at big law are wealthy generationally. Some are Jews. Are they allowed to be “old money”? Some are wasps. Some give very generous gifts. Should you start a seminar of subtle hints to rehabilitate them?

[Anonymous]

Yes, by all means, OP, go and tell these nubes the correct way to be wealthy. Explain to them your generations of experience on the matter. They will be so grateful to hear the right way to spend their time and copious money.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy your friends for who they are and put aside your judgments. The whole old money/new money divide is absurd to me, personally.