“I request that you put on something sexy”

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months. He’s been very attentive, open with his feelings, and overall really sweet but last night he threw me off. He called me and said he was going to call me on FaceTime because he hadn’t seen my face in a while and said, “oh and I request that you wear something sexy”. I paused and said, “what? you request” and he chuckled and confirmed with a yes. He then followed up and said if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to. I asked him if he would feel slighted if I didn’t (him feeling slighted or not had no bearing on my choice just curious to see his thought process). He said part of the appeal isn’t the sexy clothes but “you doing what I asked you to do” and that he would feel a little slighted if I didn’t but would understand if I didn’t because it’s still so new. However, if we were in a LTR and I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t think I looked good that day or just didn’t feel like it (his examples) he would definitely feel slighted and turned off because, “if I ask you to do something small like this and you don’t then it makes me wonder what else won’t you do” *squinted his eyes and chuckled*. The last part I don’t think he meant sexually but in general.

We’re both local and although we have fooled around we haven’t slept together.

Im getting back on the market after a very LTR so I'm pretty guarded, but am I’m a little prudish and hypersensitive for thinking this really really off?

[Anonymous]

This isn’t your guy. If he were, you’d appear on the call in a lacy negligee/cute bra and panty combo/whatever you think is sexy.

But you think his request was weird and made you feel “off”. Don’t overthink it - he’s not the guy for you.

[Anonymous]

Specifically: On FaceTime? No way.

In general: Multiple red flags here for me. I would cut bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months. He’s been very attentive, open with his feelings, and overall really sweet but last night he threw me off. He called me and said he was going to call me on FaceTime because he hadn’t seen my face in a while and said, “oh and I request that you wear something sexy”. I paused and said, “what? you request” and he chuckled and confirmed with a yes. He then followed up and said if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to. I asked him if he would feel slighted if I didn’t (him feeling slighted or not had no bearing on my choice just curious to see his thought process). He said part of the appeal isn’t the sexy clothes but “you doing what I asked you to do” and that he would feel a little slighted if I didn’t but would understand if I didn’t because it’s still so new. However, if we were in a LTR and I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t think I looked good that day or just didn’t feel like it (his examples) he would definitely feel slighted and turned off because, “if I ask you to do something small like this and you don’t then it makes me wonder what else won’t you do” *squinted his eyes and chuckled*. The last part I don’t think he meant sexually but in general.

We’re both local and although we have fooled around we haven’t slept together.

Im getting back on the market after a very LTR so I'm pretty guarded, but am I’m a little prudish and hypersensitive for thinking this really really off?

Run. This man is a controlling, entitled loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months. He’s been very attentive, open with his feelings, and overall really sweet but last night he threw me off. He called me and said he was going to call me on FaceTime because he hadn’t seen my face in a while and said, “oh and I request that you wear something sexy”. I paused and said, “what? you request” and he chuckled and confirmed with a yes. He then followed up and said if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to. I asked him if he would feel slighted if I didn’t (him feeling slighted or not had no bearing on my choice just curious to see his thought process). He said part of the appeal isn’t the sexy clothes but “you doing what I asked you to do” and that he would feel a little slighted if I didn’t but would understand if I didn’t because it’s still so new. However, if we were in a LTR and I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t think I looked good that day or just didn’t feel like it (his examples) he would definitely feel slighted and turned off because, “if I ask you to do something small like this and you don’t then it makes me wonder what else won’t you do” *squinted his eyes and chuckled*. The last part I don’t think he meant sexually but in general.

We’re both local and although we have fooled around we haven’t slept together.

Im getting back on the market after a very LTR so I'm pretty guarded, but am I’m a little prudish and hypersensitive for thinking this really really off?

Request he wear a speedo and bowtie. Then ponder if the control issues and love slave role don't do it for you. Since after nearly 3 months he's all "if we were in a LTR", not "when we're in a LTR", find a guy who won't test you as a condition of being exclusive.

[Anonymous]

He literally asked. He didn't say 'Wear something sexy, wench!' Then when you got offended he still tried to make it a flirty thing. You aren't ready to date and certainly not this guy. Let him go; he needs someone not looking for something to be offended by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t your guy. If he were, you’d appear on the call in a lacy negligee/cute bra and panty combo/whatever you think is sexy.

But you think his request was weird and made you feel “off”. Don’t overthink it - he’s not the guy for you.

Disagree. Saying “I request” comes off controlling, not sexy, plus they haven’t even slept together. This would put me off too.

[Anonymous]

So even if you don’t feel well and you don’t wear something sexy per his “request” he’ll still be upset? Run. He’s looking for a Stepford wife.

[Anonymous]

I hate to not give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'd run the other way.

[Anonymous]

Ewww. Just no.

He would have logged in to the sight of my middle finger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been seeing this guy for about 2.5 months. He’s been very attentive, open with his feelings, and overall really sweet but last night he threw me off. He called me and said he was going to call me on FaceTime because he hadn’t seen my face in a while and said, “oh and I request that you wear something sexy”. I paused and said, “what? you request” and he chuckled and confirmed with a yes. He then followed up and said if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to. I asked him if he would feel slighted if I didn’t (him feeling slighted or not had no bearing on my choice just curious to see his thought process). He said part of the appeal isn’t the sexy clothes but “you doing what I asked you to do” and that he would feel a little slighted if I didn’t but would understand if I didn’t because it’s still so new. However, if we were in a LTR and I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t think I looked good that day or just didn’t feel like it (his examples) he would definitely feel slighted and turned off because, “if I ask you to do something small like this and you don’t then it makes me wonder what else won’t you do” *squinted his eyes and chuckled*. The last part I don’t think he meant sexually but in general.

We’re both local and although we have fooled around we haven’t slept together.

Im getting back on the market after a very LTR so I'm pretty guarded, but am I’m a little prudish and hypersensitive for thinking this really really off?

Almost 3 months and you have not had sex? Yes he is beginning to think you are not interested in sex, you are seeing other people, etc. You are about to get dumped.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if it's "off" to anyone responding. We're not dating him. If it bothers you, then maybe you should find someone who doesn't bother you and he should find someone who isn't bothered.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is a GIANT SURE RED FLAG that he is an abusive ahole or anything. But I do think its a very large signal that you are sexually incompatible and you should break up now. You are not into the same freaky stuff he is into, no judgement, just facts. You'll both be happier apart.

[Anonymous]

He should dump you. If you were girlfriend material for him, you'd do more than just dress up.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is unsure of where this is heading…like maybe to the land of permanent frustration and celibacy.