How to attract the "right" FWB

[Anonymous]

35 yo F, divorced with young child. No desire to get re-married or be in a LTR- just FWB, someone to grab a meal with. Yes, a FWB, but I don't want to sleep with just anyone. I find that I attract, well, losers (uneducated, not interesting, no hobbies, nothing in common, etc)., when I write on my online profile that I want something casual, vs the opposite when I write I want a relationship- but the latter of these men want the white-picket-fence-family (or they're "ethically non-monogamous" which I'm also not interested in ).

[Anonymous]

I find neighborhood restaurants are best for this. Become a regular. Staff will look after you as will fiends you make there, plus they can set you up.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you should be vacationing with folks who go to Block Island, you will find the right 47 year old bachelor with just enough commitment issues to not want marriage but just enough conservatism not to want to slut around.

[Anonymous]

I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

[Anonymous]

Looks like you'd need to get a friend first and let it develop the kind of a relationship you want organically. And that's going to be hard.
Usually this kind of relationship was something bigger in the beggining and then sort of downgraded to living separately but still having sex and doing things together.

[Anonymous]

I’m actually surprised at how many men, regardless of age, DONT want just a FWB. Maybe pandemic related?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m actually surprised at how many men, regardless of age, DONT want just a FWB. Maybe pandemic related?

Maybe they want a lil wifey to cook, clean, do laundry etc. They wouldn't come out and say it but I bet it's in the back of their minds.

[Anonymous]

OP .. I think this is not limited to just women .. I am a 47M looking for a FWB but having a hard time too for the reasons you outlined above .. more of a mental compatibility issue, not able to hold a conversation etc

[Anonymous]

Find the single/divorced/open marriage dads at your kids events. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out who would be a suitable buddy.

[Anonymous]

I'm mid-40's, separated, with no intentions of ever getting married again. Have been using apps to find an FWB-type relationship and it's crickets out there. I'm surprised that you, OP are having a problem. I thought women would have a buffet table to pick someone with who they vibe with.

[Anonymous]

I found a fantastic FWB online. We saw each other once a week for 2 years. I had to end because I started dating someone. Just be open and honest with what you want. Also look for someone who is divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

[Anonymous]

Sugar dating websites. The men who are on there (who aren't scammers) have a high net worth and you usually don't get there by being boring or an unmotivated loser. Just realize a lot of the men on there are married. But those can be good for FWB as they don't want to leave their wives for you -- they want someone to have dinner with and more.

A number of male friends in my circle are on those sites.