How to attract the "right" FWB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm mid-40's, separated, with no intentions of ever getting married again. Have been using apps to find an FWB-type relationship and it's crickets out there. I'm surprised that you, OP are having a problem. I thought women would have a buffet table to pick someone with who they vibe with.

I am the 44-year-old PP. it seems like every man wants to sleep with me. So, it’s not hard for women at all if somewhat attractive. But I don’t just want a casual hookup either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

I sort of want a monogamous LTR but I define it as a part-time boyfriend because there are a lot of elements of an LTR I do not want….I have no interest in meeting friends or family. I want sex and an occasional date…that is all. I do not want to see anyone more than 1-2 times a week. I don’t think you understand what I want. This can work with younger men….problem is they want to get serious. I don’t. I want a comfirmed bachelor. Preferably one without kids. I have my own and do not want to meet anyone else’s. That is too LTR for me. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

I sort of want a monogamous LTR but I define it as a part-time boyfriend because there are a lot of elements of an LTR I do not want….I have no interest in meeting friends or family. I want sex and an occasional date…that is all. I do not want to see anyone more than 1-2 times a week. I don’t think you understand what I want. This can work with younger men….problem is they want to get serious. I don’t. I want a comfirmed bachelor. Preferably one without kids. I have my own and do not want to meet anyone else’s. That is too LTR for me. No thanks.

You can get the sex from younger guys or guys your age...but you also want the occasional date and that is the problem. That will not happen in real life situation. Also, you will not get monogamy. If you are ready for a revolving door of sexual partners OR a man who is also sleeping with others...you are gold.

I get exactly what you are looking for because that is what a divorced, with grown kids, financially independent, friend of mine is looking for. It is not happening. The men who are available to her are not the ones that she is attracted to. You are looking for a unicorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

I sort of want a monogamous LTR but I define it as a part-time boyfriend because there are a lot of elements of an LTR I do not want….I have no interest in meeting friends or family. I want sex and an occasional date…that is all. I do not want to see anyone more than 1-2 times a week. I don’t think you understand what I want. This can work with younger men….problem is they want to get serious. I don’t. I want a comfirmed bachelor. Preferably one without kids. I have my own and do not want to meet anyone else’s. That is too LTR for me. No thanks.

The problem is in the bold. You have a very rigorous list of demands, especially these two. If you want an attractive and charming man, he is probably not going to be content with a 1x a week hook up AND you being the only one he is sleeping with. Also, how many of these men exist in your desired age range that don't have kids?

I think it's totally reasonable to want a LTR with a FWB but your criteria is really narrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

I sort of want a monogamous LTR but I define it as a part-time boyfriend because there are a lot of elements of an LTR I do not want….I have no interest in meeting friends or family. I want sex and an occasional date…that is all. I do not want to see anyone more than 1-2 times a week. I don’t think you understand what I want. This can work with younger men….problem is they want to get serious. I don’t. I want a comfirmed bachelor. Preferably one without kids. I have my own and do not want to meet anyone else’s. That is too LTR for me. No thanks.

The problem is in the bold. You have a very rigorous list of demands, especially these two. If you want an attractive and charming man, he is probably not going to be content with a 1x a week hook up AND you being the only one he is sleeping with. Also, how many of these men exist in your desired age range that don't have kids?

I think it's totally reasonable to want a LTR with a FWB but your criteria is really narrow.

They exist in the late 30s range. I am seeing one now. I have two other options (one is not available enough generally [workaholic up to 80 hours a week] so I need to stop talking with him...the other, I just don't want to go there when I have the one I am seeing). The problem is I am worried that he will want to get serious at some point. Then I will have to start again. It's annoying. Men who work a lot don't mind 1-2 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

I sort of want a monogamous LTR but I define it as a part-time boyfriend because there are a lot of elements of an LTR I do not want….I have no interest in meeting friends or family. I want sex and an occasional date…that is all. I do not want to see anyone more than 1-2 times a week. I don’t think you understand what I want. This can work with younger men….problem is they want to get serious. I don’t. I want a comfirmed bachelor. Preferably one without kids. I have my own and do not want to meet anyone else’s. That is too LTR for me. No thanks.

You can get the sex from younger guys or guys your age...but you also want the occasional date and that is the problem. That will not happen in real life situation. Also, you will not get monogamy. If you are ready for a revolving door of sexual partners OR a man who is also sleeping with others...you are gold.

I get exactly what you are looking for because that is what a divorced, with grown kids, financially independent, friend of mine is looking for. It is not happening. The men who are available to her are not the ones that she is attracted to. You are looking for a unicorn.

I honestly don't care if he sleeps with other people as long as he uses a condom and is tested fairly regularly. Problem is, they want exclusivity from me. I am not willing to give that without mutual exclusivity from them. I am fine with monogamy if we are both monogamous. But I am not fine with him getting it elsewhere and being loyal to him. Most men expect loyalty...which I am fine with...if he his not sleeping with anyone else (it is for health reasons rather than emotional reasons...emotionally, I could care less.)

[Anonymous]

Mid-50s divorced dad here. I am willing to have a FWB, but I'll never be exclusive with her if she's just a FWB. No intention of ever getting married again.

[Anonymous]

What is the difference between a FWB and a committed relationship between two people with intimacy issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between a FWB and a committed relationship between two people with intimacy issues?

This question makes no sense. A FWB is not a relationship and it mainly revolves around sex. A committed relationship is not a FWB and FWBs don't have intimacy issues...the point is the sex, mainly. They don't have relationship problems because they are not in a relationship that is "going somewhere"--which are committed relationship problems. If there is a problem, the FWB situation ends. And there are no intimacy issues...otherwise they would not be FWBs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sugar dating websites. The men who are on there (who aren't scammers) have a high net worth and you usually don't get there by being boring or an unmotivated loser. Just realize a lot of the men on there are married. But those can be good for FWB as they don't want to leave their wives for you -- they want someone to have dinner with and more.

A number of male friends in my circle are on those sites.

What sites are these?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

I sort of want a monogamous LTR but I define it as a part-time boyfriend because there are a lot of elements of an LTR I do not want….I have no interest in meeting friends or family. I want sex and an occasional date…that is all. I do not want to see anyone more than 1-2 times a week. I don’t think you understand what I want. This can work with younger men….problem is they want to get serious. I don’t. I want a comfirmed bachelor. Preferably one without kids. I have my own and do not want to meet anyone else’s. That is too LTR for me. No thanks.

I actually had this last year. Had dinner once a week and sex. Texted most days. But we were not monogamous. Feelings developed on his end and it ended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and feel the same. It is really hard. I thought I found something last year, but he got serious, told his family, and broke up with me (they did not approve of a divorced woman with kids). I was floored…did not think he would tell his family. I have no intention of getting married again. He got married shortly afterwards

Other men who just want sex I am not that into. Other men want something serious. I am kind of seeing someone now but not sure where he lies really. I want something long term but not marriage or cohabitation. It’s hard.

If he got married shortly after ending things with you then he planned this all along. I’m from a conservative culture and it is known and understood that man are manipulate and lie and use western women to have a good time, they don’t play with women from their cultures because those are respectable and for marriage (there are exceptions of course).

Why were you disappointed that they didn’t want a divorced women if you only wanted FWB?

Because it seemed long term and we discussed that; and I asked several times if he wanted to get married because I don’t date men who have marriage as a goal at this point in life. He could have married before but did not want to…he told me that. He also said he was no longer interested in getting married early on. I do not want just a FWB. I want a long term sex partner I can do things with. I do not want family involved or marriage or cohabitation.

You do not want FWB, you want a monogamous LTR. With no cohabitation and marriage. Sorry, you will not get that with young guys or guys your age. The old men who expect you to be a 'nurse with a purse' are your target demographic. Age range of 67+.

I sort of want a monogamous LTR but I define it as a part-time boyfriend because there are a lot of elements of an LTR I do not want….I have no interest in meeting friends or family. I want sex and an occasional date…that is all. I do not want to see anyone more than 1-2 times a week. I don’t think you understand what I want. This can work with younger men….problem is they want to get serious. I don’t. I want a comfirmed bachelor. Preferably one without kids. I have my own and do not want to meet anyone else’s. That is too LTR for me. No thanks.

I actually had this last year. Had dinner once a week and sex. Texted most days. But we were not monogamous. Feelings developed on his end and it ended.

Yes, I am afraid of this always happening. But it is what I want. I am not interested in remarriage or cohabitation--ever. I think men want this more as they age than women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find the single/divorced/open marriage dads at your kids events. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out who would be a suitable buddy.

OP here. My kid is 2, I find that all the parents are still together at around this age, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm mid-40's, separated, with no intentions of ever getting married again. Have been using apps to find an FWB-type relationship and it's crickets out there. I'm surprised that you, OP are having a problem. I thought women would have a buffet table to pick someone with who they vibe with.

OP here. I'm a little surprised as well, because I am attractive. I'm assuming because I have a kid it throws them off- though I am NOT looking for a stepdad, husband, or to introduce my kid to any man, at all. I've thought about removing the kids part completely from my profile, but I think it's a bit deceitful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sugar dating websites. The men who are on there (who aren't scammers) have a high net worth and you usually don't get there by being boring or an unmotivated loser. Just realize a lot of the men on there are married. But those can be good for FWB as they don't want to leave their wives for you -- they want someone to have dinner with and more.

A number of male friends in my circle are on those sites.

OP here. Not interested in married, separated or "ENM." I'm not playing with fire.