Fracture in friendship group

[Anonymous]

I’m a part of a mom group of 5. We’ve been friends for years and have always gotten along great. Recently one of the moms gossiped about another mom. The mom who was gossiped about is angry and won’t come to group gatherings anymore. She is the mom I’m closest to. I feel there is an unspoken expectation that I stop talking to the gossiper, however I’d like to remain friends with everyone. How would you approach this?

[Anonymous]

How did the mom who was gossiped about find out? In any case, I would just be pleasantly neutral, shrug and give a non-answer if it comes up, or tell the person making the comment that you wish they would just talk to the other woman directly. Do not engage in any gossip including telling others that they were gossiped about (unless the comments are ongoing and meanspirited, in which case I wouldn't hang out with the people making the comments anymore).

[Anonymous]

I would tell my angry friend to speak to gossiper directly and keep going to group gatherings.

[Anonymous]

You only have so much control over whether you can remain friends with all of them. If the gossip victim doesn’t want to be friends with anyone who remains friends with the gossiper, then you will have to make a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a part of a mom group of 5. We’ve been friends for years and have always gotten along great. Recently one of the moms gossiped about another mom. The mom who was gossiped about is angry and won’t come to group gatherings anymore. She is the mom I’m closest to. I feel there is an unspoken expectation that I stop talking to the gossiper, however I’d like to remain friends with everyone. How would you approach this?

How bad/untrue was the gossip? If someone was talking sh*t about my kids/parenting I would no longer consider that person a friend. Almost anything else I think it’s silly to end a friendship over. I guess I am saying it depends if you think she is over reacting. If the gossip was very malicious that mom is probably talking nasty about the rest of you too and it’s not that much of a loss.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe they haven’t cut out the gossiper. This happened to some friends but I wasn’t directly involved. We were in a moms group together and there were 5-6 moms with similar age kids (I did not have kids in the age range) who would meet up at additional times. They found out that one mom was gossiping and bad-mouthing and they cut her out. If she’s gossiping about one person, guarantee she’s doing it to all of you, so tread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't the friend group cutting out the gossiper?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe they haven’t cut out the gossiper. This happened to some friends but I wasn’t directly involved. We were in a moms group together and there were 5-6 moms with similar age kids (I did not have kids in the age range) who would meet up at additional times. They found out that one mom was gossiping and bad-mouthing and they cut her out. If she’s gossiping about one person, guarantee she’s doing it to all of you, so tread carefully.

Lol and everyone else was an angel. Everyone gossips from time to time.

[Anonymous]

What was the gossip about? If it was something that could be very personal/hurtful like about her kids, her family, her health, etc. then I can see why the gossiped about mom wouldn’t want to be around the gossiper and I wouldn’t want to remain friends w the gossiper either unless she apologized and stopped gossiping.

If the gossip was about something less important like someone’s clothes or the paint color they picked for their bathroom or a meal they made that didn’t taste great…I’d get over it and encourage my friend to get over it too.

It just depends. Then again, even something less important can still be hurtful and the gossiper should still apologize.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The gossip was half true. The other half I don’t know whether it was true or not. Let’s say it’s equal to saying someone is overweight behind their back, and they are in fact overweight. I feel my friend is entitled to be upset and not want to be friends with the gossiper. Personally as I get older, the less I care about stuff like this and just take the good with the bad. So I feel no need to end my years long friendship with the gossiper because I don’t care if she says bad things about me behind my back. People are human nobody’s perfect. But the mom who was gossiped about is very upset with the gossiper and the friend in the group who listened to the gossip. I’m just not sure if I should be upfront and say, hey I get your upset but FYI, I have plans to attend to continue being friends with everyone involved, and hangout with you all separately.

[Anonymous]

You should at least be up front with the target so she can decide whether she still wants to associate with someone like you.

[Anonymous]

IME, when two in a group of five have a falling out, the group ends. It is over.

[Anonymous]

I would just continue on without announcing anything to anyone. If the friend asks why you are still friends with the gossiper, then just explain as you did here. She may, even is likely to, stop being friends with you as well, but that is her right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just continue on without announcing anything to anyone. If the friend asks why you are still friends with the gossiper, then just explain as you did here. She may, even is likely to, stop being friends with you as well, but that is her right.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The gossip was half true. The other half I don’t know whether it was true or not. Let’s say it’s equal to saying someone is overweight behind their back, and they are in fact overweight. I feel my friend is entitled to be upset and not want to be friends with the gossiper. Personally as I get older, the less I care about stuff like this and just take the good with the bad. So I feel no need to end my years long friendship with the gossiper because I don’t care if she says bad things about me behind my back. People are human nobody’s perfect. But the mom who was gossiped about is very upset with the gossiper and the friend in the group who listened to the gossip. I’m just not sure if I should be upfront and say, hey I get your upset but FYI, I have plans to attend to continue being friends with everyone involved, and hangout with you all separately.

Get some self respect