How did you cope with in laws when marriage in trouble?

[Anonymous]

I am finding this dynamic super challenging. Dh has lost 3 jobs in 2 years and I am holding it down with a really challenging job. There’s a lot of resentment and a lot of fighting and I am feeling a lot of anger toward dh and I think vice versa. Dh

[Anonymous]

Posted too soon. Dh parents carrying on as normal. Logically I know it’s not their fault that this is happening but bc I am so frustrated with him I am finding it really hard to pretend everything is fine and be a good dil. Has anyone navigated similar? What did you experience?

[Anonymous]

What is his/ your relationship with them, OP? Is he a mama's boy, who can do no wrong in their eyes? Or are they reasonable people who would understand your side of the situation? Also, how much regular interaction with them do you have?

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel that you need to pretend everything is normal? Can’t you just say “man, this has been a really hard year.”? And what does being a “good DIL” mean in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Well it doesn’t really come up. I feel like I would have to bring it up for it to be acknowledged. I guess they are sort of expecting life to go on as usual (they come stay/ we act like everything is fine). But I find it so stressful

[Anonymous]

It's really not their concern that your husband lost his job. Are you looking for some type of support from them? Speak up about the visits, just say it's been a tough year and it's hard to entertain when you guys are so stressed. Ask them to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really not their concern that your husband lost his job. Are you looking for some type of support from them? Speak up about the visits, just say it's been a tough year and it's hard to entertain when you guys are so stressed. Ask them to babysit.

mm
I guess I would prefer that either they verbally acknowledged it in some way - or that I don’t have to really entertain them for the time being. I can’t quite explain why but having to host them and not talk about the situation and pretend like everything is fine gives me crippling anxiety. I know that may be my issue which is why I’m curious if others have experienced similar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really not their concern that your husband lost his job. Are you looking for some type of support from them? Speak up about the visits, just say it's been a tough year and it's hard to entertain when you guys are so stressed. Ask them to babysit.

mm
I guess I would prefer that either they verbally acknowledged it in some way - or that I don’t have to really entertain them for the time being. I can’t quite explain why but having to host them and not talk about the situation and pretend like everything is fine gives me crippling anxiety. I know that may be my issue which is why I’m curious if others have experienced similar

Why can’t you talk about the situation?

[Anonymous]

Is your DH working now? If not, then hosting should be 100% on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really not their concern that your husband lost his job. Are you looking for some type of support from them? Speak up about the visits, just say it's been a tough year and it's hard to entertain when you guys are so stressed. Ask them to babysit.

mm
I guess I would prefer that either they verbally acknowledged it in some way - or that I don’t have to really entertain them for the time being. I can’t quite explain why but having to host them and not talk about the situation and pretend like everything is fine gives me crippling anxiety. I know that may be my issue which is why I’m curious if others have experienced similar

Why can’t you talk about the situation?

This is a good question - I guess they don’t really ask questions. They don’t ask how I am or anything so it doesn’t come up. They talk about their stuff. Partly I guess why it stresses me out

[Anonymous]

What do you mean “be a good DIL”? Are you buying gifts for them or taking on elaborate hosting projects? If so, ONLY YOU CAN DROP THE ROPE. Tell them point blank to help themselves because you’re exhausted. Tell DH point blank you won’t be doing gifts or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really not their concern that your husband lost his job. Are you looking for some type of support from them? Speak up about the visits, just say it's been a tough year and it's hard to entertain when you guys are so stressed. Ask them to babysit.

mm
I guess I would prefer that either they verbally acknowledged it in some way - or that I don’t have to really entertain them for the time being. I can’t quite explain why but having to host them and not talk about the situation and pretend like everything is fine gives me crippling anxiety. I know that may be my issue which is why I’m curious if others have experienced similar

You don’t “have to” entertain them all the time, nitwit. And the only person who can change that IS YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am finding this dynamic super challenging. Dh has lost 3 jobs in 2 years and I am holding it down with a really challenging job. There’s a lot of resentment and a lot of fighting and I am feeling a lot of anger toward dh and I think vice versa. Dh

Ignore them.

At most say it’s very difficult doing everything, or living with him, or him unemployed.

They know his shortcomings, or at least his mom does. Not that she would ever tell you or agree with you. She’s happy he’s your problem, not hers anymore.

[Anonymous]

Any mental disorders, disabilities, or underlying reason why he’s “losing his jobs?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH working now? If not, then hosting should be 100% on him.

Pita and expensive to host or have houseguests when one spouse is chronically unlemoloyer or constantly fired.

Get him a psychologist (ie one who can diagnose things) and a career coach.

Meantime he needs to be working 20-40 hrs a week in anything! Keep the mind and body tuned up and not wallowing.