Criminal record = dealbreaker?

[Anonymous]

I’m in the age bracket where DCUM would tell me to lower my standards (or the softer version, “broaden your horizons”)

I’ve been going out with a guy who is handsome, gainfully employed with a few (legal!) entrepreneurial side hustles (though I would be the bread winner in the partnership, at least at first). He is fun and laid back. He did however just disclose to me that he has a record - one DUI and two nonviolent drug offenses. I’m of the mind that drugs should just be legal anyway and that while DUIs are bad, they are unfortunately common. That being said, I don’t know this guy well enough to know whether it’s a matter of reformed decisions and since having gotten his life in order, or if this is a huge red flag that he’s bad news. For a 34 year old, is this something I should just let slide?

[Anonymous]

I would let him go, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm 37 and would pass.. drugs are still illegal and being with him you run the risk of catching charges yourself.

[Anonymous]

What were the drug offenses, and how long ago? I'd be curious to know how he got caught up and what he's done with his life since. How long have you been dating? Any other red flags?

[Anonymous]

DUI's are meh, especially if it happened while young. If he's not a repeat DUI offender nbd. The drug offenses, that's up to you. The thing about people with imperfect pasts is that they tend to be far more experienced about the ups and downs of life if they learned from their lessons.

Ultimately your call. You are a grown woman, go with your heart if the analysis is 50/50.

[Anonymous]

I think PP’s on DCUM meant be more open minded about height, blue collar workers, lower paying jobs - not convicts and substance abusers. This is such a a huge NO.

[Anonymous]

How does he live his life now?

[Anonymous]

It depends what the specific circumstances were and what he learned from them, OP. I wouldn't write off such a person automatically, but I'd be wary going forward. A lot of people with ADHD, anxiety, depression, self-medicate that way. So for the ADHD, he can get diagnosed and treat himself with medication, for example, to prevent further abuse of drugs. But know that he could have a disorder of that kind, and that it would need to be managed, since none of them can be "cured".

[Anonymous]

one DUI and two nonviolent drug offenses.

The question is WHEN? 15 years ago, while in college and clean ever since? nbd. Last year? Actually, at 37, last 5 years? That would be a dealbreaker...

[Anonymous]

My uncle was killed by a drunk driver. DUIs will always be a deal breaker for me.

[Anonymous]

I admire him for disclosing this you you however they are red flags in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the age bracket where DCUM would tell me to lower my standards (or the softer version, “broaden your horizons”)

I’ve been going out with a guy who is handsome, gainfully employed with a few (legal!) entrepreneurial side hustles (though I would be the bread winner in the partnership, at least at first). He is fun and laid back. He did however just disclose to me that he has a record - one DUI and two nonviolent drug offenses. I’m of the mind that drugs should just be legal anyway and that while DUIs are bad, they are unfortunately common. That being said, I don’t know this guy well enough to know whether it’s a matter of reformed decisions and since having gotten his life in order, or if this is a huge red flag that he’s bad news. For a 34 year old, is this something I should just let slide?

Seems you lowered it too far down. Hard stop No.

[Anonymous]

You would be nuts to stay in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think PP’s on DCUM meant be more open minded about height, blue collar workers, lower paying jobs - not convicts and substance abusers. This is such a a huge NO.

True.

[Anonymous]

You say you don’t know the circumstances. I would ask him to explain what happened and make a decision after that.

FWIW my H has a DUI and nonviolent drug offense. They’re from 20 years ago when he was very young, had weed on him, and was profiled due to his race. Was not driving drunk. I was okay with that. Driving drunk over the age of like 22? Not okay with that. Drugs other than weed? Nope. Anything that could affect his ability to get a job? Pass.