Dodged a bullet?

[Anonymous]

So I (39/m) met this great woman (31), or so I thought, in October. I was instantly smitten. She told me she wanted to take things slow and I agreed because I have my son to think about. Things were going really well the first few weeks. I had a business trip to Florida at the end of October. I asked her to come down but I could tell she didn’t really want to. While on the trip I told her I missed her and asked if that was weird. We were on FaceTime and she seemed a little hesitant and said that it wasn’t weird for me to say that I missed her, just confusing. I asked her why it was confusing and she said because she doesn’t know what’s to miss since we had only known each other for 3 weeks - fair enough. After this, I could tell she was getting a little distant. After Thanksgiving we didn’t talk for about 2.5 weeks. Last week she was on vacation in Mexico and so I decided to text her on Monday. I said I noticed we kind of fell off but if she was still interested I’d love to see her. She said she noticed that too and that sounded good and that she’d text me when she gets back on Thursday (yesterday). She texted me at 3:00pm saying hey. I responded to her text saying that I’d make myself free for a FaceTime call whenever she got settled in. She responded with a thumbs up about 2 hours later. She called me on FaceTime at 7:45 yesterday—so almost 4 hours later after I said I’ll make myself available for a FaceTime call. This really rubbed me the wrong way so I just didn’t pick up or call back. She then texted me at 11 saying she tried to call earlier and goodnight. I ignored that too.

I dodged a bullet, right?

[Anonymous]

You sound incompatible, and I don’t think she was really into you. Also, not everyone likes FaceTime.

[Anonymous]

She told you she wanted to take it slow. Not sure you understood.

[Anonymous]

Or she did.

You sound clingy and weird, honestly. Way too preoccupied with how people are supposed to respond to you and generally engaging in petty scorekeeping.

[Anonymous]

You actually sound really high maintenance and immature. You wanted to talk to her but decided 4 hours was too lOng? Seems arbitrary and immature

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You actually sound really high maintenance and immature. You wanted to talk to her but decided 4 hours was too lOng? Seems arbitrary and immature

How do I seem immature?

I told her I’d make myself available but then she waits 4 hours like I’d just be waiting by the phone. How is that unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

She had stuff to do. Like unpack, eat, shower, unwind from a flight. I think you are too needy. Your anxiety about this can’t be her problem, she probably senses the clinginess and is detaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I (39/m) met this great woman (31), or so I thought, in October. I was instantly smitten. She told me she wanted to take things slow and I agreed because I have my son to think about. Things were going really well the first few weeks. I had a business trip to Florida at the end of October. I asked her to come down but I could tell she didn’t really want to. While on the trip I told her I missed her and asked if that was weird. We were on FaceTime and she seemed a little hesitant and said that it wasn’t weird for me to say that I missed her, just confusing. I asked her why it was confusing and she said because she doesn’t know what’s to miss since we had only known each other for 3 weeks - fair enough. After this, I could tell she was getting a little distant. After Thanksgiving we didn’t talk for about 2.5 weeks. Last week she was on vacation in Mexico and so I decided to text her on Monday. I said I noticed we kind of fell off but if she was still interested I’d love to see her. She said she noticed that too and that sounded good and that she’d text me when she gets back on Thursday (yesterday). She texted me at 3:00pm saying hey. I responded to her text saying that I’d make myself free for a FaceTime call whenever she got settled in. She responded with a thumbs up about 2 hours later. She called me on FaceTime at 7:45 yesterday—so almost 4 hours later after I said I’ll make myself available for a FaceTime call. This really rubbed me the wrong way so I just didn’t pick up or call back. She then texted me at 11 saying she tried to call earlier and goodnight. I ignored that too.

I dodged a bullet, right?

No She did!

[Anonymous]

I dee a lot of trolls on this forum these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She had stuff to do. Like unpack, eat, shower, unwind from a flight. I think you are too needy. Your anxiety about this can’t be her problem, she probably senses the clinginess and is detaching.

+1

[Anonymous]

Did anyone miss how OP just assumed/told her he’d be available for a FaceTime call? Unless I’m not understanding correctly, he totally just indirectly told her she expected her to do this.

ICK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone miss how OP just assumed/told her he’d be available for a FaceTime call? Unless I’m not understanding correctly, he totally just indirectly told her she expected her to do this.

ICK.

He expected*

[Anonymous]

I would not be interested if I were her. You are forcing things. Each time you chatted with her you needed something, a text back, a facetime, some sort of confirmation of something.

she on the other hand seems really great and chill, can I have her number?

[Anonymous]

Asking her to join you in FL when you had met a few weeks prior was too much.
Telling her you missed her during that time can be sweet but can also mean you simply missed the version of her you have created in your head. Probably the latter since she thought it was too much too soon.

You didn't talk for 2.5 weeks? That is an eternity in dating these days...how is that getting to know each other?
Then you reached out but made it look like you were doing her favor by gracing her with your time. And you made yourself "available"? With no specific time? On FaceTime? So she had to look presentable but you did not agree to a specific time? smh

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder ... like the universe owes you an amazing woman and you don't have to put in any effort.

[Anonymous]

What? You said “ when she got settled.” Getting in from a flight, drive home, mail, unpack necessities, and perhaps a shower. That is getting settled after a trip. A 7:45pm call, now relaxed, with a glass of wine is what most people would do! Sorry, it is your issue.