Who is the jerk?

[Anonymous]

SIL has various health issues, but always makes an effort to put together great holidays and do all the cooking in order to create memories. My brother is a complainer and malingerer, who does the bare minimum. I love him, but that’s the truth.

So, SIL made a beautiful turkey with all the bells and whistles. While it was cooling, my bro started to pick at it and eat pieces around the edges. SIL told him to stop and wait for her to take a photo of it, set the table, and for everyone to get a chance to eat too. SIL then went to take a shower. While she was in the shower, my brother ripped a huge piece off the leg. It was glaring and jagged.

Now, my brother has always been greedy and selfish, so I admit that colors my opinion here. SIL had served us lunch just a couple hours before and my bro was definitely hungry. He was just being greedy. When I saw him grab that piece, I was aghast. I stayed out of it though.

SIL finished dressing and came out to set the table and take out the food. And then she saw the ripped turkey leg and absolutely lost it on my brother. She was LIVID. I didn’t know what to say and my mom was trying to justify what she described as my brother “opting” to eat ahead of everyone else. It was a very awkward dinner.

I am furious with my brother for being so greedy, selfish, and thoughtless. I would have screamed at him too if he had left a turkey I cooked looking like a wild animal bit it even before it made it to the table. My mom thinks my SIL should have kept her cool and is trying to get me to stop speaking with her.

Who’s the asshole here?

[Anonymous]

Whoops, meant to write that my brother was definitely NOT hungry. He had eaten like a pig at lunch.

[Anonymous]

Your brother was in the wrong and what he did is quite disgusting. Your mom needs to mhob and stop justifying what he did as not wrong. If I were you I would stand up for sil.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is the asshole. (Well, your brother too but you already know that) She is inserting herself and trying to drag others into a situation that in no way involves her. I hate people like that.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, awkward! Yes, your brother is an a$$, but I would stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Your brother was wrong.

Your SIL maybe should’ve tried better to keep her cool and not yell at him (at least in front of others) but he did that clearly knowing it would upset her, sounds like he actually tried to bother her.

And your mom has no business getting involved and certainly has no place to try to convince you not to speak to your SIL over this.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth did you not step in and help her? I don't get why SIL who has health issues is doing 100% of everything and you cannot help?

[Anonymous]

I hate when people pick at food. It's disgusting. I would have been furious.

[Anonymous]

Your brother likely has untreated ADHD, if he has always been impulsive. He needs an evaluation and if it's confirmed, MEDICATION, before he ruins his family's life. My husband has ADHD he refuses to treat, and it's been really hard on our family.

Your mother clearly did not do her job as a parent. She's the jerk.

Personally, I would have lost it on my brother, so that his wife would have felt supported and not lost her temper that much (ever notice that when one person gets mad, it makes others less angry?). But your reaction was the next best thing. Please scold your horrible mother for me, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is the root of the problem

[Anonymous]

Brother is the biggest a-hole, mom is runner up.

I was married to someone like your brother and the ONLY thing that kept him in line is on the rare occasion his mother would say something. Usually she stayed out of it, but when she spoke, I was so, SO grateful. Your mom wouldn't have even had to do much, just a "you should not have done that. Where did I go wrong in raising you that you think that behavior is acceptable?" A little bit of mom guilt can go a LONG way.

I think it would be kind for you to reach out to your SIL with something like "Sorry he did that. I know you're struggling and that his thoughtless behavior must make things a million times harder".

[Anonymous]

Your mom and brother are 100 percent jerks. I think it’s disgusting that he “was picking” at food everyone was going to eat. Did he grow up in a barn? My children know that people don’t eat before others, especially the cook. It’s basic manners. He sounds like a disrespectful husband and a total pig.

[Anonymous]

Your mom and brother suck.

[Anonymous]

But what else is new?

[Anonymous]

Your brother and your mom. You should have spoken up.