Help with consequences -- 14 yo DD skipped school with friend, went to DC

[Anonymous]

is now "hanging out" a Barnes and Noble in Clarendon, we live in Silver Spring. Apprently they didn't knwo they were going out of DC/into VA.

What would you do for consequences? Grounded + loss of phone for a month?

I am a little in shock so any thoughts appreciated. The only reason I even know this is becuase she doesn't have enough money on her metro card so she asked for money to get back to DC (?!?!).

[Anonymous]

Why would you take the phone? That doesn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

Ground for 2 weeks.
No screens, but TV with family, for 2 weeks.
Extra chores.

Explain the danger of doing what she did and then let it go.

[Anonymous]

If I'd done this at her age (and I did similar stuff at her age), the consequence would've been grounded til winter break and what will probably be one of many conversations you have with your daughter about safety, including letting people know where you are and making sure that you can afford to get home/have a backup plan for getting home/are willing to call your parents.

That they went from SS into DC and then out to Clarendon without realizing it tells me that they are not ready to fly solo yet. For safety reasons, definitely teach your kid how to use the metro.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps a geography class.

[Anonymous]

Grounded a month and then life 360 and set alerts to notify you when she leaves home or school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps a geography class.

[Anonymous]

In addition to what posters above suggested, I’d contact school (or require her to write a letter/email to school), explaining where she was. I’d make it clear to the school that I supported any consequences they imposed for skipping (zeroes on missing assignments or detention).

If she is involved in extracurriculars, I may have her sit out for a period of time, letting her coach know why.

You want to make sure she understands now that this is a big deal.

[Anonymous]

You need a tracker on your phone that shows you where she is at all times.

As for punishment, I don't know. She wasn't smoking crack under a bridge, was she?

I'd be more concerned about safety.

Maybe yard work (or someone else's yard work, if you don't have one).

[Anonymous]

I’m strict but I don’t think this is a big deal. Ground her and make her do extra chores. And sure, Life360

[Anonymous]

She's so grown up now she gets to get herself to the grocery store and do the weekly shopping for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I’m strict b[/b]ut I don’t think this is a big deal. Ground her and make her do extra chores. And sure, Life360

Then you are not strict.

[Anonymous]

Ferris Bueller

[Anonymous]

Sorry, this isn't cute. At 14, she's emboldened enough to leave school either as someone taken over by another or the one taking over, lie, put herself in a vulnerable position with little knowledge of what she actually did or how.

This is the beginning of zero social life for you, Mom and Dad. This is now a 24/7 situation for another 4+ years.

Do what you need to do to stay on top of this...phone track, texts, etc.

[Anonymous]

She probably figured it was NBD.

In the mind of an autonomous- seeking 14 yr old who feels invisible and doesnt have the mindset to be a forward thinker, she probably figured school is a big nothing burger during the shortened Thanksgiving week, other kids were skipping too, it's "just" the bookstore/not a rap concert, She reached out to you as a trusted source for help when in need, etc.

I'm not necessarily condoning it, but it really helps to put it into the context and perspective of a 14 yr old.

I actually think it's brilliant she could navigate metro, opt for a bookstore to hang out, and know that she can call me anytime for help no matter what.

If she's ordinarily a good kid, just talk it through with her. The skipping school part is a bit frowny, but otherwise emphasize you trust her not to repeat this w/o touching base with you again.