Wife’s attempts to climb the social ladder and create a hierarchy are super concerning
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Wife hand I have been married nine years. We moved to a relatively wealthy area, albeit laid back, to raise our young family a couple years after getting married. We have three children. When wife and I married she was always very social and liked to be the person that planned everything and help people make connections with others. Nothing I saw that set off any alarm bells at that point.
She’s since become borderline obsessed with climbing the social ladder to the extent that there is one in our town. To be honest, it being so laid back around here it feel more like she’s trying to create a pecking order with other moms and other kids. For instance, I’ve overheard her remark to one of her friends that she wasn’t going to be inviting certain kids from the class to one of our daughter’s birthday parties because “you have to be careful about what having folks west of XYZ street in the group, it’s not a good look for us.” She’s also been telling the same and another one of our daughters to reconsider who they invite for play dates because of some really petty sounding reasons, like “oh, they’re quite a bit different in the way they dress and carry themselves, let’s ask so and so instead.” It’s stuff like this constantly. She fought me tooth and nail to quit her job with our second child and is literally on her phone and social media all the time trying to own social events, so parent involvement in orgs, etc. This in and of itself wouldn’t trouble me at all but her whole demeanor toward others has changed and become a power play. She hasn’t really changed toward me but I hate that my children are seeing this from their mom. It’s not something I respect and want our kids to be open to everyone. I don’t know what to do, any advice would be appreciated. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like anxiety and boredom. Have you had an honest talk with her about it, especially the comments she's made? I would be horrified to be married to someone who said stuff like that. |
Anonymous
|
Yea, I agree with you op. Your kids should be friends with who they like not where they live. It’s not good for the kids too see this. Your wife sounds like she needs help. People need jobs or hobbies to prevent themselves from getting too caught up in stuff.
|
Anonymous
| Amazing a guy would notice this at all. |
Anonymous
Yeah this Well she needs to be humbled And called out |
Anonymous
| Build your own life in ways that correspond to your values and model the values you want your kids to live by. Have real conversations "When we met, I loved xyz about you. It's hard to see you do abc. It doesn't seem like something the woman I fell in love with would do." Is it possible she is bored/depressed/anxious and acting out in negative ways. |
Anonymous
|
Time for a serious sit down talk although I will warn you that I think it's going to be really hard to get her to change her behavior.
There are always moms like this. Some are living vicariously through their children and others make the excuse that they are acting like this because they "just want the best" for their kids. I think living in a wealthy area among other wealthy people contributes. You say that the area you are in is "laid back." That is your perception, but I bet if you scratch the surface that's not the reality. I think your wife is going to continue to do this kind of thing whether you like it or not. But you can at least have the conversation and also call her out if you hear her telling your kids some garbage about “oh, they’re quite a bit different in the way they dress and carry themselves, let’s ask so and so instead.” I'd encourage you to get your kids involved in volunteering or something they can do with just you - hiking, camping, a sport - so you have some influence outside of her presence. |
Anonymous
| I think this is true in wealthy areas but also way worse amongst SAHMs who arent regularly exposed to the wider world and community. |
Anonymous
|
I'm really concerned why youre eavesdropping and so concerned about some stupid, throwaway conversation she had with a friend where she mentioned she didnt want to invite certain people.
Seems to me you're being nitpicky and fairly catty, trying to create a mean narrative about your wife rather than being loving and supportive. Are you mad because you are unable to make enough money where your wife feels comfortable and secure? And now youre projecting that on her cause you cant measure up? |
Anonymous
| All I can say is - I’m sorry. I would be disgusted and mystified if either I or my spouse turned into this person, but I recognize that it happens often. God bless America. |
Anonymous
He didn’t. OP is a troll. The thread title alone, please. |
Anonymous
Agree, I cannot fathom even the worst of parents I know saying they wouldn't invite someone past a street border over the optics. This is not true and if someone said that they'd be ostracized by others. Plus, which spouses overhear anything like this? |
Anonymous
| This smells super trollish. |
Anonymous
| Troll. No one is this awful. |
Anonymous
| Why were you eavesdropping on her? |