Scenes From a Marriage- I was Mira

[Anonymous]

Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear. Too soon old, too late wise. What happened to your AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

See bolded Grow up. You were in lust, not love. And you sound like an immature teenager writing that. Still playing the victim. We should all feel sorry for you. WAHHHwahhhhh

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing!

I was Nicole from Marriage Story. When Charlie said to her, “You chose this life! You wanted it until you didn’t. And then you blamed me for it!” It was like everything in my life snapped into place.

I hadn’t been communicating and instead had been blaming my husband for everything I hated about my life. I knew who I had married and I had happily gone along with it, encouraging him and his career, until I decided one day that I was unhappy and done doing that. It wasn’t fair to him at all when I had been supporting him. I iced my husband out, too. Blamed him foe everything, yet refused to communicate with him in a proper way what I wanted to change. I just assumed he should know. But my actions hadn’t supported that, so how would he have known I was unhappy if I wasn’t telling him?

That movie changed my view on life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

See bolded Grow up. You were in lust, not love. And you sound like an immature teenager writing that. Still playing the victim. We should all feel sorry for you. WAHHHwahhhhh

You should seek therapy for whatever causes so much pain. This is an over the top response to someone sharing their experience and it has triggered you. Find out why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for sharing!

I was Nicole from Marriage Story. When Charlie said to her, “You chose this life! You wanted it until you didn’t. And then you blamed me for it!” It was like everything in my life snapped into place.

I hadn’t been communicating and instead had been blaming my husband for everything I hated about my life. I knew who I had married and I had happily gone along with it, encouraging him and his career, until I decided one day that I was unhappy and done doing that. It wasn’t fair to him at all when I had been supporting him. I iced my husband out, too. Blamed him foe everything, yet refused to communicate with him in a proper way what I wanted to change. I just assumed he should know. But my actions hadn’t supported that, so how would he have known I was unhappy if I wasn’t telling him?

That movie changed my view on life.

Were you a cheater too? Did you work on your marriage after that realization or end it?

I think so many women get into affairs in the first place by romanticizing the women they read about in books and in movies, where the affair is shown as a wonderful thing and the dark underside and trauma of what it does to others---or to them if discovered--is never shown. Hollywood romanticizes infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Wow that's amazing OP and PP who were able to see something in art and better understand yourself.

I also one day had an epiphany that, however justified I was in being annoyed with my husband (who doesn't even understand what "emotional labor" means, much less how much he shoves off on me) I was letting irritation and resentment swallow up all my joy. And I just... let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

See bolded Grow up. You were in lust, not love. And you sound like an immature teenager writing that. Still playing the victim. We should all feel sorry for you. WAHHHwahhhhh

You should seek therapy for whatever causes so much pain. This is an over the top response to someone sharing their experience and it has triggered you. Find out why.

It's a reaction to the over the top, histrionic personality disorder self-centeredness. It's all right there in the bolded. These people really have issues. And even after, they are the victims in their mind because 'oh they were chasing ture love and appreciation'..blah, blah. Please read 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

See bolded Grow up. You were in lust, not love. And you sound like an immature teenager writing that. Still playing the victim. We should all feel sorry for you. WAHHHwahhhhh

You should seek therapy for whatever causes so much pain. This is an over the top response to someone sharing their experience and it has triggered you. Find out why.

Actually, scolding someone for an honest reaction to what really was a self-centered post and telling them to seek therapy or that they were "triggered" is the over-the-top response.

The "woe is me" element of the OP is very strong and overly dramatic. I get that she is comparing her life to a work of fiction -- a drama, no less. But, it's wholly banal and not worthy of the histrionics.

[Anonymous]

Fifteen years ago I walked to the brink being partially unclothed with another man in a hotel room and then I stopped. My longing for affection had pushed me there but something stopped me and I’m glad it did. Therapy for me and then both of us got us back on track and while it’s been far from a great marriage it’s so much better then if it had blown up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for sharing!

I was Nicole from Marriage Story. When Charlie said to her, “You chose this life! You wanted it until you didn’t. And then you blamed me for it!” It was like everything in my life snapped into place.

I hadn’t been communicating and instead had been blaming my husband for everything I hated about my life. I knew who I had married and I had happily gone along with it, encouraging him and his career, until I decided one day that I was unhappy and done doing that. It wasn’t fair to him at all when I had been supporting him. I iced my husband out, too. Blamed him foe everything, yet refused to communicate with him in a proper way what I wanted to change. I just assumed he should know. But my actions hadn’t supported that, so how would he have known I was unhappy if I wasn’t telling him?

That movie changed my view on life.

Were you a cheater too? Did you work on your marriage after that realization or end it?

I think so many women get into affairs in the first place by romanticizing the women they read about in books and in movies, where the affair is shown as a wonderful thing and the dark underside and trauma of what it does to others---or to them if discovered--is never shown. Hollywood romanticizes infidelity.

I did not cheat, though I have no idea if, like Charlie, my husband sought that release elsewhere when I was denying him like Nicole was. I don’t care to know nor do I even care. Though my heart tells me that he didn’t, I wouldn’t blame him if he had. I was that cold.

We worked on our marriage and expectations and I feel we are completely repaired. I’m so much happier and content with my life now. We communicate, and I feel like we understand each other. I feel like I have control over my life again. We are also next level as far as intimacy is concerned.

Like with Scenes, these movies show how very important it is to COMMUNICATE and LISTEN. To pay attention to cues. I think most fail because people are stubborn and refuse to properly communicate needs and wants, or because the spouse fails to listen to these pleas, or doesn’t notice the cues.


Mira is SCREAMING in that second episode, yet he refuses to see her pleas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for sharing!

I was Nicole from Marriage Story. When Charlie said to her, “You chose this life! You wanted it until you didn’t. And then you blamed me for it!” It was like everything in my life snapped into place.

I hadn’t been communicating and instead had been blaming my husband for everything I hated about my life. I knew who I had married and I had happily gone along with it, encouraging him and his career, until I decided one day that I was unhappy and done doing that. It wasn’t fair to him at all when I had been supporting him. I iced my husband out, too. Blamed him foe everything, yet refused to communicate with him in a proper way what I wanted to change. I just assumed he should know. But my actions hadn’t supported that, so how would he have known I was unhappy if I wasn’t telling him?

That movie changed my view on life.

Were you a cheater too? Did you work on your marriage after that realization or end it?

I think so many women get into affairs in the first place by romanticizing the women they read about in books and in movies, where the affair is shown as a wonderful thing and the dark underside and trauma of what it does to others---or to them if discovered--is never shown. Hollywood romanticizes infidelity.

It's not 1970. No one is reading books and creating a fantasy. If anything, stories these days show a realistic outcome of infidelity and its impacts on the family.

OP - Good for you. I'm just starting episode 5, but episode 4 was very difficult to watch. I found myself hating Mira and the problems she sowed.. Thanks for humanizing her a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

See bolded Grow up. You were in lust, not love. And you sound like an immature teenager writing that. Still playing the victim. We should all feel sorry for you. WAHHHwahhhhh

You should seek therapy for whatever causes so much pain. This is an over the top response to someone sharing their experience and it has triggered you. Find out why.

Actually, scolding someone for an honest reaction to what really was a self-centered post and telling them to seek therapy or that they were "triggered" is the over-the-top response.

The "woe is me" element of the OP is very strong and overly dramatic. I get that she is comparing her life to a work of fiction -- a drama, no less. But, it's wholly banal and not worthy of the histrionics.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

As someone who also engaged in an affair with small children, you’d didn’t lose your mind. You made a decision. You may not have appreciated all its consequences, but you entered it knowingly.

[Anonymous]

Thank you OP for posting and reflecting. I am the "betrayed spouse" and we are in the throes of this mess.