Scenes From a Marriage- I was Mira

[Anonymous]

I haven’t seen the show, so I can’t comment on that. But an affair is what led me to leave my horrible xH, so I could be with my AP instead. We’re still going strong and I have no regrets. Even if we split up, I wouldn’t regret it.

I am sad for my DC, because my parents divorced and that’s not the childhood I wanted for them. But things are a million times better for us all now that we’re not in a house full of constant stress and tension. DC and new H are best friends, DC has more in common with H than with their dad.

[Anonymous]

I had an affair with young kids and I don’t really feel like the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry you went through with this. I had a similar experience but I also understand no one goes through life unscathed.

Also, we are still married, my affair wasn't discovered, but I promise you this: even if you didn't affair, let alone get caught, no guarantee you would be happily ever after with your DH. Few couples are super content but many are at least together so they don't have to deal with the pain that is divorce.

Good luck to you.

So really your experience was not similar at all, you are just (still) self-absorbed and wanted to talk about yourself. OP’s marriage ended due to her affair, and her kids family life was blown up, their childhoods completely altered. OP was forced to srlf-reflect and face the new reality that her actions created. You faced no consequences and have apparently done no work to fix whatever it was that allowed you to betray your family, and still look to rationalize why having affairs is an ok choice.

+1

zero self reflection in that lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an affair with young kids and I don’t really feel like the OP.

What? You don't feel bad? You didn't get caught? You don't feel like Mira ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry you went through with this. I had a similar experience but I also understand no one goes through life unscathed.

Also, we are still married, my affair wasn't discovered, but I promise you this: even if you didn't affair, let alone get caught, no guarantee you would be happily ever after with your DH. Few couples are super content but many are at least together so they don't have to deal with the pain that is divorce.

Good luck to you.

So really your experience was not similar at all, you are just (still) self-absorbed and wanted to talk about yourself. OP’s marriage ended due to her affair, and her kids family life was blown up, their childhoods completely altered. OP was forced to srlf-reflect and face the new reality that her actions created. You faced no consequences and have apparently done no work to fix whatever it was that allowed you to betray your family, and still look to rationalize why having affairs is an ok choice.

I’m a third variant. I had the affair, did not get caught, and divorced anyway not only because of my contribution to our breakdown but because of relentless abuse that I knew would not improve. Even after I ended the affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

See bolded Grow up. You were in lust, not love. And you sound like an immature teenager writing that. Still playing the victim. We should all feel sorry for you. WAHHHwahhhhh

You should seek therapy for whatever causes so much pain. This is an over the top response to someone sharing their experience and it has triggered you. Find out why.

Actually, scolding someone for an honest reaction to what really was a self-centered post and telling them to seek therapy or that they were "triggered" is the over-the-top response.

The "woe is me" element of the OP is very strong and overly dramatic. I get that she is comparing her life to a work of fiction -- a drama, no less. But, it's wholly banal and not worthy of the histrionics.

+1

Good lord, so many triggered men? on this chain. Thank you OP for sharing your pain--I was almost you/Mira.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

So this is an HBO mini series about adultery and the aftermath? Does it go back enough to see what the build up to the adultery was?

Curious as have a spouse with an invisible disability this we have an open marriage.

What does having an invisible disability have to do with having an open marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for sharing!

I was Nicole from Marriage Story. When Charlie said to her, “You chose this life! You wanted it until you didn’t. And then you blamed me for it!” It was like everything in my life snapped into place.

I hadn’t been communicating and instead had been blaming my husband for everything I hated about my life. I knew who I had married and I had happily gone along with it, encouraging him and his career, until I decided one day that I was unhappy and done doing that. It wasn’t fair to him at all when I had been supporting him. I iced my husband out, too. Blamed him foe everything, yet refused to communicate with him in a proper way what I wanted to change. I just assumed he should know. But my actions hadn’t supported that, so how would he have known I was unhappy if I wasn’t telling him?

That movie changed my view on life.

Oh brother. You’re conflating: Be your own happiness with marrying someone who said he wanted a family and children to raise, but had unrealistic expectations what that entails, and became a work addict instead. Much easier for home.

Wut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fifteen years ago I walked to the brink being partially unclothed with another man in a hotel room and then I stopped. My longing for affection had pushed me there but something stopped me and I’m glad it did. Therapy for me and then both of us got us back on track and while it’s been far from a great marriage it’s so much better then if it had blown up.

And that, my dear, gave me the worst pair of blue balls ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

I think the bolded is definitely worth the risk. Those are the things that make life worth living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for sharing!

I was Nicole from Marriage Story. When Charlie said to her, “You chose this life! You wanted it until you didn’t. And then you blamed me for it!” It was like everything in my life snapped into place.

I hadn’t been communicating and instead had been blaming my husband for everything I hated about my life. I knew who I had married and I had happily gone along with it, encouraging him and his career, until I decided one day that I was unhappy and done doing that. It wasn’t fair to him at all when I had been supporting him. I iced my husband out, too. Blamed him foe everything, yet refused to communicate with him in a proper way what I wanted to change. I just assumed he should know. But my actions hadn’t supported that, so how would he have known I was unhappy if I wasn’t telling him?

That movie changed my view on life.

Oh brother. You’re conflating: Be your own happiness with marrying someone who said he wanted a family and children to raise, but had unrealistic expectations what that entails, and became a work addict instead. Much easier for home.

Wut

This is the original PP quoted, and I was too confused to even go there! I’m glad I’m not the only one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

I think the bolded is definitely worth the risk. Those are the things that make life worth living.

Good lord. Never get married. That is what you get anytime you screw someone new. IF you are addicted to new relationship energy you are going to cause a world of trouble in your life.

Ps: you can have passionate sex even in a long marriage. You certainly want a spouse that appreciates you. You should be showing appreciation daily.

The dysfunction abounds on this board. I'm guessing it was multi-generational in a lot of these families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meaning I temporarily lost my mind when I fell in love with another man, while married with two very young children. Subsequently, I lost my family due to divorce, alternating custody schedules, and ongoing trauma due to constantly having to interface with one another after what I did to him, and to us, and to our kids. The most painful part of this gripping Ingmar Bergmann-inspired series is when Mira says "I want what I used to have." Of course, she does. And she cannot ever have it, again.

Word to the wise, you very busy, hardworking, frustrated, irritated-with-your spouse, fighting over shores, lusty 30/40/50 somethings with families: if you go down this path, everything that truly matters to you will become shattered in such a way that it cannot ever be repaired. It can be swept up in a dustpan, along with the dog fur and dirt from outside, and somewhat reconfigured. The harmful aftermath of allowing yourself the indulgence of passionate sex, feeling appreciated, and the joyful insanity of falling in love is irreparable.

This series really hit home in an extremely uncomfortable way, for me. Anyone else catch it? What did you think of the ending?

Mira, but with MUCH less glam clothing

See bolded Grow up. You were in lust, not love. And you sound like an immature teenager writing that. Still playing the victim. We should all feel sorry for you. WAHHHwahhhhh

You should seek therapy for whatever causes so much pain. This is an over the top response to someone sharing their experience and it has triggered you. Find out why.

Actually, scolding someone for an honest reaction to what really was a self-centered post and telling them to seek therapy or that they were "triggered" is the over-the-top response.

The "woe is me" element of the OP is very strong and overly dramatic. I get that she is comparing her life to a work of fiction -- a drama, no less. But, it's wholly banal and not worthy of the histrionics.

+1

Good lord, so many triggered men? on this chain. Thank you OP for sharing your pain--I was almost you/Mira.

Triggered people, in general, because betrayal and regret are the opposite of love and joy. Well, it's really a modernized story originally illustrated by Ingmar Bergman. It's the story of mistakes and regret- you are right in that adultery, however it comes to pass, is a banal marital commonality. But to each individual family, it's much, much more, and can become the central life-changing regret of their lives. OP is not saying WOE is me, she is saying Mira captured the sadness of being in this situation. You did not read the post very carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow that's amazing OP and PP who were able to see something in art and better understand yourself.

I also one day had an epiphany that, however justified I was in being annoyed with my husband (who doesn't even understand what "emotional labor" means, much less how much he shoves off on me) I was letting irritation and resentment swallow up all my joy. And I just... let it go.

Same here but along with “letting it go” I no longer have respect or attraction for my spouse . But I am certainly happier with zero expectations from them! For anything!! It’s working for now, have kids at home and in k-12. Not sure what I’ll decide once they leave.

Sounds like you didn't let it go.

How so? I don't ACCEPT my Do Nothing spouse's role, but I no longer EXPECT anything from them. Thus I'm detached and not constantly disappointed or let down. I'm happy. THey probably think everything is normal and great - despite the fact that they don't talk with use, relate to use or know WTF is ever going on.

Sure I'd be happy with a functional spouse, parent, homeowner around and someone to talk with on a variety of things, but I now get that from my friends and family and due to the children I am stuck in this arrangement (due to having had children). I've already mourned and grieved my lack of a spouse/parent of the children, but I don't spend energy on it any longer. Is that not "letting go"

Divorcing and coparenting with them would be the same or worse, especially for the children. for them it could be downright dangerous.

I don't think you can both be so bitter about it all and have let it go, at least not like the PP you responded to. She let it go and it opened her up to appreciate what is worth appreciating. If there is truly nothing there to appreciate at all, then you should really get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I really disliked Mira until the last episode when she just became kind of pathetic and Jonathan became “the bad guy”. For 4 episodes, I could never tell if Mira was being truthful about her feelings (wanting the abortion, but then crying so hard afterwards; trying to reconcile with Jonathan when she’d just lost her job)