Dating an older man - 20 years older

[Anonymous]

20 yr gap isn’t much. Working great for Trump!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe strongly in the classic formula:

((older person's age)/2 + 7 = (lowest partner age))

For a 50 year old:
50/2 + 7 = 32

At 30, you're already a couple of years below a 50 year old's floor. I know 30 is only 2 years young than 32, but the formula is already lenient. It allows for greater differences in age as you get older, as those differences gradually mean less. If he was in his mid-40s, I'd say go for it.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Maybe he is unusually fit and youthful looking, or has enough money or personality to make up for it? Patrick Stewart was the "Sexiest Man in America" in his 50s.

I hate to say it, but unless he has enough money that you don't have to worry about affording medical care, or help around the house as he ages, I would tread cautiously.

Everyone talks of this classic formula, but they forget that this formula was for men from ages 18 to 30 years. It was not for really old guys, like a 60 year old man with a 37 year old woman, Which is quite creepy.


So for a 18 year old :
18/2 + 7 = 16


For a 30 year old man:
30/2 + 7 = 22

Both of those ages work quite well for the *lowest* possible age.

It's not "creepy" for a 60 year old to be dating someone who is almost 40. 60 with a 20 year old would be creepy.

What?! A 60 yo dating a 39 yo is definitely creepy!

Seriously, what is wrong with you. Are you under the impression that a 39-year-old woman can be taken advantage of by predatory older men? That's a pretty dim view of women you have.

[Anonymous]

Doubtful but if he wants to have more children then can’t hurt. Of course when you’re 50 he’ll be 70. I assume he has money or else you wouldn’t be interested.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man in my mid 50s. I had a GF who was mid 30s. I couldn't see getting super serious because things seemed imbalanced between us. My therapist thought I was a fool not to commit to her because she was nice, attractive, and intelligent.

I'm sure my body will fall apart before her body will but I was actually more physically fit/active than she was.

Sometimes I told her I thought I was too old for her. She'd get angry. She said I was condescending for saying that. She knew what she wanted. She said she was much more attracted to older men than men her own age. She really was very attracted to me, which made the sex out of this world.

Now she's with a guy in his early 60s! Meanwhile, I'm dating women my own age and not enjoying anything close to the kind of chemistry I had with her.

[Anonymous]

I am in my 40s and I was dating a woman in her 20s. It was the best sex. I miss it. The relationship wasn’t going anywhere though because we were in different places in life. She didn’t want kids. I have kids from my first marriage. She was never bothered by the age gap. In fact I might have been bothered more by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you believe a relationship between a 30 year old woman and 50 year old man could actually succeed, assuming everything else is perfect. The man is divorced with almost grown-up children. Careers, interests, and maturity align. Is the age difference just too much??

I’m 62 and don’t believe I else date an 82 year old. I’m done care taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you believe a relationship between a 30 year old woman and 50 year old man could actually succeed, assuming everything else is perfect. The man is divorced with almost grown-up children. Careers, interests, and maturity align. Is the age difference just too much??

I’m 62 and don’t believe I else date an 82 year old. I’m done care taking.

This is wise. My 90 year old grandfather's current wife is 70; they married when he was in his early 70s and she was in her early 50s.

She (somehow) feels blindsided by the vast gap in health/ability now that he's declining. She still wants to be an "active senior" and is frustrated.

Watching all that unfold, I'd never date someone more than 10 years older than me, but honestly would feel better with 5 or less.

[Anonymous]

As my mother would say, 50 is 30 if he’s rich

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all comments but can share personal eperience of 15 yr age difference. Met my DH when I was in late 20s, never married before and no kids. He was divorced with almost adult kids. He totally love bombed me and made me feel amazing like no man my own age did. Fast forward to life now...
He's controlling AF and treats me like he knows best.
Therapist told me this isn't uncommon with large age difference because younger women tend to be more passive/easier to dominate. He's also very immature which I now see is the reason we first got along great. I grew up, but he was already grown up. The generation difference wasnt a big deal at first but over time got harder to relate. Different music, references, jokes, etc.

Not saying this is how all large age diff relationships will go but don't ignore the red flags. Don't wait till you have kids involved like I do and it's much harder to cut ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all comments but can share personal eperience of 15 yr age difference. Met my DH when I was in late 20s, never married before and no kids. He was divorced with almost adult kids. He totally love bombed me and made me feel amazing like no man my own age did. Fast forward to life now...
He's controlling AF and treats me like he knows best.
Therapist told me this isn't uncommon with large age difference because younger women tend to be more passive/easier to dominate. He's also very immature which I now see is the reason we first got along great. I grew up, but he was already grown up. The generation difference wasnt a big deal at first but over time got harder to relate. Different music, references, jokes, etc.

Not saying this is how all large age diff relationships will go but don't ignore the red flags. Don't wait till you have kids involved like I do and it's much harder to cut ties.

Pp. One more thing...keep in mind lots of men get ED as they age. I was early 30s when my DH started having issues. Have spent most of my 30s with no sex.

[Anonymous]

He wants a live in nurse. I would only proceed if he is extremely wealthy. Like Jeff Bezos wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man in my mid 50s. I had a GF who was mid 30s. I couldn't see getting super serious because things seemed imbalanced between us. My therapist thought I was a fool not to commit to her because she was nice, attractive, and intelligent.

I'm sure my body will fall apart before her body will but I was actually more physically fit/active than she was.

Sometimes I told her I thought I was too old for her. She'd get angry. She said I was condescending for saying that. She knew what she wanted. She said she was much more attracted to older men than men her own age. She really was very attracted to me, which made the sex out of this world.

Now she's with a guy in his early 60s! Meanwhile, I'm dating women my own age and not enjoying anything close to the kind of chemistry I had with her.

What is your net worth ?

[Anonymous]

Friend left her marriage for active 50 year old at the gym. After covid locked everything down he got fat and is inactive and claims he's too old to do the things they used to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A younger husband would be better if you are planning to have kids. I would be leery of having kids with a 50+ year old, unless he's rich enough that you can afford all the help you need and will be taken care of if he dies earlier than expected.

Some of the doom and gloom here is a bit overblown though. Most 70 year olds do not need assisted living, in modern times -- especially not the mostly middle/upper-middle class people that post here. It's just a harsh reality that higher socioeconomic status means better health and longer life.

If he's 50, you've got a better than even chance of 25+ years of reasonably good health before he is old and frail. Most people would consider 25 years of a happy marriage to be a blessing. Nothing lasts forever.

But, I still wouldn't do it unless he's got money, or at least a really good career, where financial issues aren't going to be a problem. It sounds mean, but you don't want to be stuck with an old, poor man. It's one thing to be with an old rich guy, or a young, poor guy, but not an old poor guy.

Just more evidence men age like wine while women age like milk.

No one's eyeing the 40-something guy with the huge beer gut for his looks. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 37 year old woman dating a 54 year old man. He was a client of mine for 13 years before we even started the idea of dating. He's respectful, kind, and we are best friends. I've never had anyone my own she treat me so well. It just fell into place, we weren't even thinking about sex or age. So the fact that you all are acting like either side in a scenario like this has something wrong with them is ridiculous. How dare you condemn every single couple like they're all sickos. You must be miserable to be judging everyone like this. I truly hope you find happiness and love like I have.