Adult Failure to Launch DD Stealing from Me

[Anonymous]

Why is her rent so expensive? She should move to a cheaper place or location if she can't find work other than as a barista.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you name the school she started at or transferred to? It seems like you have a grudge against the school she graduated from

[Anonymous]

What did you do that made her angry throughout her childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A criminal record would mean no ability to get a job or place to live going forward. She’d be at a high risk for homelessness and all that comes with. If she’s lucky, a shelter would eventually help her find transitional housing, or job support, but it would be pretty bleak.

On the other hand, cancelling the credit card is a consequence that won’t tank her life permanently. She’ll have to figure things out, but she won’t have a criminal record.

Your posts are blood-curdling, but maybe your daughter’s would be too. There’s nothing good in your family dynamic.

That’s just the reality.

Solid and sage advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, we NEVER gave her permission to use our credit card. We weren't even aware that she knew the CC number until now, but apparently she wrote down my CC number when she was back home from winter break last year without me noticing. See how much of a sneaky, entitled person she is?

Re: college. She was an English major at a SLAC known for entitled, whiny students (similar to Oberlin/Wesleyan). She started off as pre-med/Bio at an HYPS school, but she left the school after her freshman year due to "mental health issues" (which I now realize are just depression and loneliness due to how insufferable she is to be around). She took 1 year off of college back in 2021 and then transferred to this progressive SLAC (similar in rankings/political reputation to an Oberlin/Vassar type school) because she wanted to "pursue her creative ambitions."

She lives with a college friend in a different part of the country, and pays $600/month in rent. She Venmo'd the person $3k from MY bank account (the audacity!) because she wanted to "front-load" rent for January-May. Insane.

She wants to use the extra $1k for Delta plane tickets to visit her FRIEND's FAMILY (not us, but her roommate's parents!) over winter break because "she never wants to see us again." This is despite the fact that she's 23 and on our health insurance and phone plan. Insane.

You're a jerk, OP.

No I'm not. Have you seen Oberlin students these days?

What's your gripe with Oberlin students?

[Anonymous]

Okay, what "minor" events caused childhood trauma in her life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't enable this report it to the police. Does she have a drug problem? Because it sounds like she does.

+1
It is possible to report it to the police with love, OP. I suspect a substance problem, too.

[Anonymous]

compassion and kindness to you both

[Anonymous]

In one of your threads you made a condition for her to stop writing, especially poetry about her pain. Because you don't want her writing about you and DH.

Sounds like one or both of you are abusers, maybe sexual abusers and the other is at best an enabler. Your "good name" (or maybe lack of police involvement) is paramount, right? That and her going to a Christian church.

So for not doing that you condemn your allegedly mentally ill child to a criminal record and jail. And told her you won't visit or accept calls when she is in jail.

Sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In one of your threads you made a condition for her to stop writing, especially poetry about her pain. Because you don't want her writing about you and DH.

Sounds like one or both of you are abusers, maybe sexual abusers and the other is at best an enabler. Your "good name" (or maybe lack of police involvement) is paramount, right? That and her going to a Christian church.

So for not doing that you condemn your allegedly mentally ill child to a criminal record and jail. And told her you won't visit or accept calls when she is in jail.

Sweet.

I don't appreciate your judgmental, condescending tone. If you haven't been in this situation before (failure to launch dysfunctional adult child), do NOT comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't enable this report it to the police. Does she have a drug problem? Because it sounds like she does.

+1
It is possible to report it to the police with love, OP. I suspect a substance problem, too.

We filed a police report last week. I hope it gives her the boundaries and structure that she desperately needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, what "minor" events caused childhood trauma in her life?

OP here. She would accuse us of abusing her because we made college funding contingent on her attending church, losing 20 lbs (she was extremely overweight during her middle 2 years of college), and majoring in something practical (that last thing didn't happen). These are all things that she called "abusive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is her rent so expensive? She should move to a cheaper place or location if she can't find work other than as a barista.

To clarify, she pays $600/month in rent in a medium cost of living city. She doesn't live in our city anymore because she says that living with DH and I would be "torture and abusive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you name the school she started at or transferred to? It seems like you have a grudge against the school she graduated from

OP here. I thought about naming the two colleges but I think they would out her anonymity. The first school was on par with Harvard/Stanford levels of prestige and the second college (that she graduated from) is very similar to Oberlin. I think any parent would be EXTREMELY disappointed to have their kid drop out of Stanford to attend Oberlin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you name the school she started at or transferred to? It seems like you have a grudge against the school she graduated from

OP here. I thought about naming the two colleges but I think they would out her anonymity. The first school was on par with Harvard/Stanford levels of prestige and the second college (that she graduated from) is very similar to Oberlin. I think any parent would be EXTREMELY disappointed to have their kid drop out of Stanford to attend Oberlin.

Oh also -- wanted to add that she would probably be employed with an English degree from Stanford/Harvard. Not so for Oberlin.