Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, if my kid liked the other kid and wanted the kid to join in I would do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what makes you think the SAHM wants to be someone else's child care rescue more than you do?

I don’t and I didn’t mean to imply that. What I meant was, if it’s because she knows I don’t have to work next week and that’s why she’s fixated on me, why isn’t she trying the other mom who she also knows will be home next week? And don’t say because maybe that mom has plans or a conflict, because same.

Maybe she has already tried it with the SAHM, assuming, as you did, that that mom would be more available than the WOHMs, and the SAHM already said no.

But you did single out that mom.

Op was clearly pointing out that the pushy mom was targeting her because pushy mom knew op was off the next week. The sahm is also…off next week…but pushy mom did not push her. Thats what op was talking about. Pushy mom did not push the working moms because they are…working…not available for emergency childcare. I’m NOT saying the sahm should do it, just that I get why op called out the sahm in this situation.

FWIW I’ve been a sahm as well as a wohm. I did indeed have more time on my hands to help other people out when I was a sahm. If I couldn’t I didn’t, but I sometimes did because I did have that flexibility at the time. Nobody took advantage of me, thankfully. If you’ve been taken advantage of,pp, I get why you are sensitive, but don’t be shocked when people think you have more flexibility than wohm’s because…you do.

I hope these WOHMs you helped out by watching their kids watched YOUR kids just as much. Because if they did not, then you actually were being taken advantage of…

That’s actually not how taking advantage of someone works. You sound petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she mentions it one more time, you should say, "Look, I took time off of work so I could spend quality one-on-one time with my son. You are really being pushy. Do you want my help on Tuesday or not because you are really making me not want to help you at all."

Best answer.

Agreed.

"I can help onTuesday. Will he be with us?"

[Anonymous]

Tell her you can help onTuesday and it will be a one time thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, it takes a village to raise a child.

Unless the village is a bunch of moms like OP.

Then you are SOL. She's busy recreating.

You should've helped her out this time. Not every week, but this time.

[Anonymous]

I would just stop responding to her about this. You’ve already given her an answer. There is nothing more to say. I wouldn’t keep making excuses or rationalizing. Just be done with the back and forth. “Sorry, I can only help on Tuesday” is the most you should be saying from here on.

[Anonymous]

I might reconsider Tuesday.

[Anonymous]

I think you should back out on Tuesday. She sounds like she sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe be generous and see if you can have her kid join you? If not then maybe open it up to the group directly like suggested previously. We need to help one another not shun people who need help.

Absolutely not.

-not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think since you overshared, you should help this time and bank the brownie points for when you desperately need a favor. And now you know not to give too many details when it comes up again.

A mom like this won’t ever extend the same courtesy. This is the type of pushy, ungrateful person you don’t ever do favors for.

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next week is my kindergarteners last week of school, which includes two full days and two half days. There is a group of us who casually chat at pickup. Weeks ago I mentioned that I had gotten the week off from work, and I was happy because we leave for a vacation that Saturday and I could pack Monday and Tuesday and was planning some special fun afternoons after school with DS for the half days. He usually goes with his grandparents on half days, so it would be a treat for both of us.

On Monday one of the moms texted me asking if I could take her son after school until 5:30pm on Tu, Wed, and Th


////
This is where I, NP, am going to stop you.
Can you take the kid until that time on any of those days?
You answer that question, that’s it. She has no right to get into all the other details of your life.


Resuming your post….. (the rest of it is moot)
////


because her childcare fell through and she would be at a satellite office that week. I explained that I’d be happy to help on Tuesday, but reminded her about my plans with my son on Wed and Thur. I saw her at pickup yesterday and she practically BEGGED me to please include her son, that she was desperate. None of the other parents jumped in to help, not even the SAHM, and she didn’t ask them to help, either. I apologized, reconfirmed that I could help Tuesday, and left. She later texted me and her tone had noticeably changed because she tried to tell me “all” I was doing was activities with my son and he would appreciate having a friend along. I once again told her I couldn’t help.

I know I’ll see her today, and I have no clue what to say to shut this down without appearing cold to the other moms and without making things totally awkward going forward.

[Anonymous]

So what happened, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on what type of relationship you want to have with your community. Personally, I enjoy living in a community that helps each other when needed. I go out of my way to help when people need it and I also lean on my community heavily when I need assistance.
You may think you don't "need" help, but you never know what will happen or when you may be the one seeking help. You just don't know.

What a load of horse stuff. I'm one of those who could always be counted on to help and NEVER had the kindness returned. Many of us experience this. There are too many parents who have no problem asking for favors but never have the time to reciprocate. When my appendix ruptured none of the neighbors whose kids lived at my house regularly stepped in to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on what type of relationship you want to have with your community. Personally, I enjoy living in a community that helps each other when needed. I go out of my way to help when people need it and I also lean on my community heavily when I need assistance.
You may think you don't "need" help, but you never know what will happen or when you may be the one seeking help. You just don't know.

OP has parents/ILs to use for free childcare so she doesn’t care.

That's unfair. OP has generously offered to help on Tuesday. She's clearly not selfish or unwilling to contribute to "the village."

PP has told us who she is. We all know she is the type to take advantage of other people and will put down anyone who doesn't give her what she wants because she and hers come first at all times. I'm the pushover who was taken advantage of by a selfish jerk like her one too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TMI!!! Never tell other parents your schedule! Never tell them you're at home all week, any week of the year. I'm a long-time SAHM. Part of it in NOVA. It was bad enough letting people there know that much. Oh, you're at home? Can you pick my kid up off the school bus for the whole school year and watch them from 4 to 7 at your house and feed them dinner and make sure they've done their homework? It never occurred to these moms to offer me money. It was a hard no. In the DMV, people are ALWAYS looking for free childcare. Never be a sucker. Keep your schedule to yourself at ALL times. You are always too busy.

BS. The issue isn't oversharing. The issue is learning to stand up to rude, pushy people. Op just needs some reinforcement along her spine.