Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gave her too much information, so try not to do that again. Just continue to say no. "I need this time alone with my child, and I will not be changing my mind about that. Please stop asking."

I wouldn't even say that, I think it's too much information. Just no will suffice, possible also with the request to stop asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone in a bind is trying to claw their way out. It’s perfectly fine for you to decline, and they should stop asking/drop it. But try to be understanding. The friendship probably won’t survive this, so just keep your powder dry. You can stop responding to texts about it.

If I were the OP, the friendship probably wouldn't survive because I wouldn't be friends with someone like this mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gave her too much information, so try not to do that again. Just continue to say no. "I need this time alone with my child, and I will not be changing my mind about that. Please stop asking."

Unfortunately, this.

Unless you are with your good friends, for whom you would help out in a bind, STOP OVERSHARING.

These parent "chat friends" are nothing more, nothing less.

There are always users and takers in this bunch, looking for a doormat.

If this is your kid's BFF, great please tag along. We have done that gladly. But to be essentially childcare, for days that you took off from work, no thank you.

It was idle chatter while standing around. She wasn’t talking about her marital problems or yeast infection.

Oh please. The latter would not have gotten her stuck with the childcare ask. Oversharing indeed.

Should we guard everything we say in the very off chance someone asks us to do something and we’re forced to decline?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you even really friends with this mom or is she just the mom of a kid in your kid's class? It sounds like you mostly just talk at pick up, is that right?

[Anonymous]

The friend is overstepping bounds but ugh at you saying "Not even the SAHM!" who could have similar plans with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would help if the two kids are friends. I once had a girl for fife days (overnight) with us because her single mother working as a midwife in a hospital had to step in at short notice and couldn't find sombody to look after her 7year old daughter. Me and DH have flexible hours, our kids went to a half day sports camp during the whole week so me/DH had to look after this girl instead of working. But this mom was desperate so we helped.

OP’s situation is different. There is no short notice when it comes to the school’s schedule. This mom didn’t plan.

Personally, I do lots of favors for people, including babysitting, sometimes for days at a time. But I would not on days where I am using my leave for whatever it is that I want to do.

And, given how pushy she is, I’d probably let her know that I’m uncomfortable and can no longer take her kid on Tuesday.

OP said the mom had childcare but it fell through. I'm not saying the pushy mom is right, she's not, but she did have plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think since you overshared, you should help this time and bank the brownie points for when you desperately need a favor. And now you know not to give too many details when it comes up again.

A mom like this won’t ever extend the same courtesy. This is the type of pushy, ungrateful person you don’t ever do favors for.

+1000

I don't do favors expecting them in return (next week I am doing a pretty big favor for someone who I think would say they would do the same for me but in reality would always end up being too busy), but there are some people you know will never do anything for you and they should be avoided (unless you want to help the kid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think since you overshared, you should help this time and bank the brownie points for when you desperately need a favor. And now you know not to give too many details when it comes up again.

This is not OP's fault! It's OK to chat with people about surface things like vacations and going on outings with your kid.

+1000

The people blaming OP for oversharing are ridiculous. She told people her plans, that is a normal thing to do, this is not her fault in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gave her too much information, so try not to do that again. Just continue to say no. "I need this time alone with my child, and I will not be changing my mind about that. Please stop asking."

Unfortunately, this.

Unless you are with your good friends, for whom you would help out in a bind, STOP OVERSHARING.

These parent "chat friends" are nothing more, nothing less.

There are always users and takers in this bunch, looking for a doormat.

If this is your kid's BFF, great please tag along. We have done that gladly. But to be essentially childcare, for days that you took off from work, no thank you.

Why is talking about your plans oversharing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gave her too much information, so try not to do that again. Just continue to say no. "I need this time alone with my child, and I will not be changing my mind about that. Please stop asking."

Unfortunately, this.

Unless you are with your good friends, for whom you would help out in a bind, STOP OVERSHARING.

These parent "chat friends" are nothing more, nothing less.

There are always users and takers in this bunch, looking for a doormat.

If this is your kid's BFF, great please tag along. We have done that gladly. But to be essentially childcare, for days that you took off from work, no thank you.

It was idle chatter while standing around. She wasn’t talking about her marital problems or yeast infection.

Oh please. The latter would not have gotten her stuck with the childcare ask. Oversharing indeed.

Should we guard everything we say in the very off chance someone asks us to do something and we’re forced to decline?

Seriously! Don't tell people where you're going on vacation - they may ask to be invited. Don't tell people where you're going for dinner - they may ask you to bring them something. Don't tell people you're taking your dog to the vet - they may ask you to take theirs, too.

OP isn't the problem here, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would help if the two kids are friends. I once had a girl for fife days (overnight) with us because her single mother working as a midwife in a hospital had to step in at short notice and couldn't find sombody to look after her 7year old daughter. Me and DH have flexible hours, our kids went to a half day sports camp during the whole week so me/DH had to look after this girl instead of working. But this mom was desperate so we helped.

OP’s situation is different. There is no short notice when it comes to the school’s schedule. This mom didn’t plan.

Personally, I do lots of favors for people, including babysitting, sometimes for days at a time. But I would not on days where I am using my leave for whatever it is that I want to do.

And, given how pushy she is, I’d probably let her know that I’m uncomfortable and can no longer take her kid on Tuesday.

OP said the mom had childcare but it fell through. I'm not saying the pushy mom is right, she's not, but she did have plans.

Yea that sucks, but then she and the father of the child have to figure it out.

That mom is rude and pushy.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you can’t help Tuesday anymore.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on what type of relationship you want to have with your community. Personally, I enjoy living in a community that helps each other when needed. I go out of my way to help when people need it and I also lean on my community heavily when I need assistance.
You may think you don't "need" help, but you never know what will happen or when you may be the one seeking help. You just don't know.

[Anonymous]

"Sorry, I still can't." That's all I'd say if she asked me again. If she asked why, I'd say, "Sorry, I can't" again. She wants to know why so she can tell you why that's not a good reason. Be a brick wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she mentions it one more time, you should say, "Look, I took time off of work so I could spend quality one-on-one time with my son. You are really being pushy. Do you want my help on Tuesday or not because you are really making me not want to help you at all."

+1