Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!

[Anonymous]

Is she a single parent? Where's the dad?

When scheduling conflicts come up, DH and I try to figure out something. We never ask another parent to take over, even if they are sahm. A couple of times, parents (moms) we knew offered, and that was nice of them.

At times, DH or I would have to miss something at work. That's the life of dual working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of empathy as a working parent with no relatives close by to help. We have a nanny, but when she gets sick it’s always a scramble. Sometimes you just need to take time off work or rotate with your spouse or ask friends if they have any babysitter recs.

Definitely tell this mom less in the future. She’s probably very stressed and frustrated with her circumstances and taking it out on you.

This. I’d probably let it blow over if it never happens again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would help if the two kids are friends. I once had a girl for fife days (overnight) with us because her single mother working as a midwife in a hospital had to step in at short notice and couldn't find sombody to look after her 7year old daughter. Me and DH have flexible hours, our kids went to a half day sports camp during the whole week so me/DH had to look after this girl instead of working. But this mom was desperate so we helped.

OP’s situation is different. There is no short notice when it comes to the school’s schedule. This mom didn’t plan.

Personally, I do lots of favors for people, including babysitting, sometimes for days at a time. But I would not on days where I am using my leave for whatever it is that I want to do.

And, given how pushy she is, I’d probably let her know that I’m uncomfortable and can no longer take her kid on Tuesday.

[Anonymous]

I think since you overshared, you should help this time and bank the brownie points for when you desperately need a favor. And now you know not to give too many details when it comes up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think since you overshared, you should help this time and bank the brownie points for when you desperately need a favor. And now you know not to give too many details when it comes up again.

A mom like this won’t ever extend the same courtesy. This is the type of pushy, ungrateful person you don’t ever do favors for.

[Anonymous]

As long as you stay polite and sympathetic, the other parents will see that you are the one being reasonable.

“So sorry you are in a bind. I wish there was more I could do. Have you asked for babysitter recommendations?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think since you overshared, you should help this time and bank the brownie points for when you desperately need a favor. And now you know not to give too many details when it comes up again.

This is not OP's fault! It's OK to chat with people about surface things like vacations and going on outings with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gave her too much information, so try not to do that again. Just continue to say no. "I need this time alone with my child, and I will not be changing my mind about that. Please stop asking."

Unfortunately, this.

Unless you are with your good friends, for whom you would help out in a bind, STOP OVERSHARING.

These parent "chat friends" are nothing more, nothing less.

There are always users and takers in this bunch, looking for a doormat.

If this is your kid's BFF, great please tag along. We have done that gladly. But to be essentially childcare, for days that you took off from work, no thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gave her too much information, so try not to do that again. Just continue to say no. "I need this time alone with my child, and I will not be changing my mind about that. Please stop asking."

Unfortunately, this.

Unless you are with your good friends, for whom you would help out in a bind, STOP OVERSHARING.

These parent "chat friends" are nothing more, nothing less.

There are always users and takers in this bunch, looking for a doormat.

If this is your kid's BFF, great please tag along. We have done that gladly. But to be essentially childcare, for days that you took off from work, no thank you.

It was idle chatter while standing around. She wasn’t talking about her marital problems or yeast infection.

[Anonymous]

I am sure the mom is stressed. She is handling it poorly. You are doing what you can. I always try to help when I can because goodness I know I will need it one day.

I wouldn't do more than you are already doing unless you want to help asking some of the other moms on her behalf - behind the scenes. Maybe you could offer to take two boys, so one of the other moms can trade off?

[Anonymous]

If she brings it up again at pick up today, just say no. "I'm happy to help you on Tuesday, but I'm not available the other days and you need to make other plans." I would leave it there, because any more engagement just opens the door to continuing the conversation.

BUT, if you want to be more helpful, you could offer babysitter recommendations. College kids home from school, high schoolers who are getting out early on those days too, etc. My neighborhood Facebook group often gets posts from parents looking for babysitters, so that might be another place for her to look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think since you overshared, you should help this time and bank the brownie points for when you desperately need a favor. And now you know not to give too many details when it comes up again.

Absolutely not. This is special time OP set aside for her and her child. She will not get that back.

[Anonymous]

If she mentions it one more time, you should say, "Look, I took time off of work so I could spend quality one-on-one time with my son. You are really being pushy. Do you want my help on Tuesday or not because you are really making me not want to help you at all."

[Anonymous]

Share less and advise her that you can't assist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gave her too much information, so try not to do that again. Just continue to say no. "I need this time alone with my child, and I will not be changing my mind about that. Please stop asking."

Unfortunately, this.

Unless you are with your good friends, for whom you would help out in a bind, STOP OVERSHARING.

These parent "chat friends" are nothing more, nothing less.

There are always users and takers in this bunch, looking for a doormat.

If this is your kid's BFF, great please tag along. We have done that gladly. But to be essentially childcare, for days that you took off from work, no thank you.

It was idle chatter while standing around. She wasn’t talking about her marital problems or yeast infection.

Oh please. The latter would not have gotten her stuck with the childcare ask. Oversharing indeed.