What’s fair for nannies when they have a baby?

[Anonymous]

I don’t have this issue but was pondering it today as I’m back to work after a baby. I’m tired, I’m pumping several times a day, and I’m short tempered. All that is fine as my work involves sitting at a desk, not driving around young children, supervising mobile babies etc.

To me it’s clear that nannies morally deserve paid maternity leave like everyone deserves it, but what about after? Selfishly I wouldn’t want an exhausted new mom driving my kids around or parking them in front of the tv 3x a day to contain them to pump. I also wouldn’t want someone bringing their baby and not able to run around with my kids at the playground etc. I know sahm of multiples do this and it’s not the end of the world but that’s a trade off the mom is making about how much help they want and what is best for their family.

So what do people do when their nanny has a baby? What do you think is fair? It’s unfair to screw a nanny for having a baby but also unfair for your family to be screwed if the nanny is the one helping your lives work and she isn’t able to do that fully with a newborn.

I’m sure I’ll be flamed for this - I really am looking for compassionate approaches that aren’t just “you’re a privileged b for even worrying that an exhausted new mom might not take great care of your kids”

[Anonymous]

Fair? She gets child care for child and you'll need to make concessions for BF.

[Anonymous]

So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

[Anonymous]

Most nannies quit when they have a baby.

Most employers don’t want to continue paying full time nanny rates to be in a nanny share with a nanny and her baby. Most nannies don’t want the pay-cut that would result in setting up a nanny share with their baby and their employer. Most nannies also don’t make enough to pay for childcare to make continuing to work worthwhile.

That’s why nannies quit when they have babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

True. But none of those people bring their baby to work with them the way a nanny would. Surgeons aren’t trying to operate while holding an infant in one arm. Teachers aren’t walking around with their babies as they teach class.

That’s the difference.

A nanny can’t pay someone else to watch her baby because then her salary would be a wash and there would be no point to working.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being too negative about SAHM's raising more than one child. Millions of people do it and it turns out fine. Yes, there might be a little extra TV while the baby is really small. And ideally, the older child is in something (preschool, school, camp) for at least part of the time, which makes it better for everyone.

However, if you need someone to focus on your child's needs 100% and spend the day driving and supervising activities outside the home, then yes, that sounds like not the best fit for a nanny with a new baby. (But maybe older children who are being driven to activities all day and supervised constantly by an adult isn't the ideal situation either...?)

But I do think you have the right to set the conditions for your nanny's employment, and if you don't want someone with a baby, that's within your rights. If it were any other job, this person would have to put their baby in childcare, so I don't see how a nanny job is any different, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

+1. OP thinks that all women should be placed on forced confinement for a year after giving birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

True. But none of those people bring their baby to work with them the way a nanny would. Surgeons aren’t trying to operate while holding an infant in one arm. Teachers aren’t walking around with their babies as they teach class.

That’s the difference.

A nanny can’t pay someone else to watch her baby because then her salary would be a wash and there would be no point to working.

First, you’ve clearly never worked in an infant daycare where there is usually one baby in teachers arms at all times.

Second, what a ridiculous generalization to make on all nannies! Many have parents, sisters and the baby’s father who assist in childcare. Why would a nanny even want to hire another nanny?

And PP’s point was that mothers of newborns are tired in hundreds of occupations around the world - why discriminate against nannies and not surgeons or pilots, for example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being too negative about SAHM's raising more than one child. Millions of people do it and it turns out fine. Yes, there might be a little extra TV while the baby is really small. And ideally, the older child is in something (preschool, school, camp) for at least part of the time, which makes it better for everyone.

However, if you need someone to focus on your child's needs 100% and spend the day driving and supervising activities outside the home, then yes, that sounds like not the best fit for a nanny with a new baby. (But maybe older children who are being driven to activities all day and supervised constantly by an adult isn't the ideal situation either...?)

But I do think you have the right to set the conditions for your nanny's employment, and if you don't want someone with a baby, that's within your rights. If it were any other job, this person would have to put their baby in childcare, so I don't see how a nanny job is any different, really.

PP. I just realized, you don't only care if the nanny has a baby with her, you care even if her baby is in childcare but is just tired from having a baby and needs to pump. Calm on, that is ridiculous. Also, I think you are naive if you think nannies even without children are never tired or crabby or need to take breaks (pumping or otherwise). Like, really, your child can't wait while your nanny pumps? Your child needs 100% constant attention all day long?

Also, I'm sure YOUR employers aren't exactly thrilled that you are tired, short tempered, and taking paid breaks to pump.

[Anonymous]

When I had my own toddler, a pediatric psychiatrist hired me to care for her newborn. Since I was having only one child, it was the perfect opportunity for my child to learn that the baby comes first. Otherwise, my child would have been spoiled rotten. And zero decrease in my regular rates when I brought my own child.

It was a win-win-win all around for two years when they moved to Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I had my own toddler, a pediatric psychiatrist hired me to care for her newborn. Since I was having only one child, it was the perfect opportunity for my child to learn that the baby comes first. Otherwise, my child would have been spoiled rotten. And zero decrease in my regular rates when I brought my own child.

It was a win-win-win all around for two years when they moved to Europe.

It was a win for you, not for them.

If you needed another baby around to NOT spoil your child rotten, I don't know, it doesn't say nice things about your parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

+1. OP thinks that all women should be placed on forced confinement for a year after giving birth.

+2. All working mothers should be electronically monitored to make sure they aren’t tired for work. Father’s need not worry. OP’s regulation only applies to women. Not fathers, single fathers or gay fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I had my own toddler, a pediatric psychiatrist hired me to care for her newborn. Since I was having only one child, it was the perfect opportunity for my child to learn that the baby comes first. Otherwise, my child would have been spoiled rotten. And zero decrease in my regular rates when I brought my own child.

It was a win-win-win all around for two years when they moved to Europe.

You cannot spoil babies/kids with attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

+1. OP thinks that all women should be placed on forced confinement for a year after giving birth.

sooooo...you'd be fine with someone who has only slept 3 hours a night the last 4 nights driving them all over the city? or putting your one year old in front of a tv for 1.5 hours every day so they could nap or pump 3x? or no longer taking your 3 year old twins outside because they were too spent to run after them? some babies are easy and some are really really tough. and the really tough ones really take it out of you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I had my own toddler, a pediatric psychiatrist hired me to care for her newborn. Since I was having only one child, it was the perfect opportunity for my child to learn that the baby comes first. Otherwise, my child would have been spoiled rotten. And zero decrease in my regular rates when I brought my own child.

It was a win-win-win all around for two years when they moved to Europe.

It was a win for you, not for them.

If you needed another baby around to NOT spoil your child rotten, I don't know, it doesn't say nice things about your parenting.

Yeah I was going to say something similar. No decrease in rates but you bring your own kid is.... well... definitely not a "win" for the mom paying you.