Would you attend a wedding if you were obviously on “the B list”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like I'm the last person invited to a wedding. And that's FINE! Someone has to be the last invitee and I love weddings. Imma cha cha slide my way to the bar and say something embarrassing in the wedding video.

I love your attitude, I’d invite you to my wedding!

OP, go if you want to. I’m a fan of the “don’t cut off your nose to spite your face”. If you like this person & her fiancé, if you think you will have fun, go! Yes, your friend was a little tacky posting the save the date/invite on social media. We all have our flaws.

+1 This happened to me once. The couple was on a tight budget and kept the guest list very short. The bride told me that some relatives couldn't make it so she wanted to invite us. I was flattered because I knew they didn't invite a lot of friends. We went and had a blast.

I would go if the wedding is local. Yes the SM posts were tacky, but just let it go and know that she wants you there.

[Anonymous]

OP, I empathize with you. I think it’s reasonable to have your feelings slightly hurt that a person you felt close enough friends with to invite to your medium sized recent wedding did not originally care enough about your friendship to include you in the A list (let alone reciprocate your recent invitation). I get all the tricky things about obligatory family invites and if you include this one, you have to include these three, etc. But at the end of the day brides do get to choose which friends they want and with a large guest list, she surely had space for some friends and chose others. And rubbed it in the face of folks she excluded by posting on social media.

All that being said, I think she still considers you a friend. She probably has no issue with you or your friendship, she just has other people she feels closer to. There’s nothing wrong with that. I think you can still totally go, knowing this friend is a little tacky and rude. We all have flaws and I have friends who do things that annoy me (canceling plans with dumb excuses, things like that), and I can either choose to accept them knowing that, or decide it’s a dealbreaker. You can decide if this is your dealbreaker or not.

[Anonymous]

I’m an only child (married to another only child) and I have no other family aside from my parents. My wedding guest list had A LOT more space for friends than just about everyone I know.

It’s just a reality that a lot of people I invited to my 100 person wedding were not able to invite me to theirs. I know more than one couple with large families who couldn’t even invite all their first cousins to their wedding and only included their best friends. Different situations.

My point is, I would absolutely attend if I was available and I would have fun and enjoy myself. If you think you won’t have fun, there’s problem with sending your regrets and wishing the couple the best. Look at it this way, you’re certainly not the first to do so

[Anonymous]

Only if I knew it was a small wedding - for small weddings, if I was on the B list I would still go if I liked the person.

I knew of a relative's daughter's wedding where they had invited 250 people. We really thought we would be invited given that I invited her over every time she was in town. I got an invite 1 month prior when most of the relatives in other parts of the country received it 3 months before. I was not going to be a seat filler for those type of weddings so I didn't go, declined and didn't send a gift.

Worst part was the RSVP by date clearly showed a few days before the invite date. At least send out a new invite to your B and C list.

And they were offended that the very few relatives in my town who got the B or C list chose not to attend. Hello, we all knew we were invited last minute for the big fat wedding.

[Anonymous]

I am past the age where friends are getting married, but I always went to weddings even if I was obviously on the B-list.

Especially when single. It was a chance to get dolled up, eat and drink for free, dance, and mingle.

Plus, generally, everyone at a wedding is in a great mood. So there is much fun to be had.

There's always some fun drama.

And everyone is so young, optimistic, and clueless about what lies ahead.

It's all eat, drink, and be merry!

I'd even spring for a nice present off of the registry. Not too nice, though, since I wasn't a first string, but like along the lines of china table setting nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine is getting married at the end of this month and has documented a lot of the wedding journey on instagram - she posted stories of her save the dates, sending invitations, etc. I was a bit surprised not to receive either but I understand how expensive weddings are and the various issues surrounding guests lists, and made peace with the fact that we obviously weren’t as close as I’d thought. Well, I received an invitation today inviting me to the wedding, and my first thought was that she had received a number of declines and was moving on to her “B list” to fill seats. To be honest, I think this is pretty tacky and rude and I’m not sure if I want to attend.


I got married semi-recently and we did have a significant number of people unable to make it. We ended up not inviting any “new” people to fill their spots as I thought it would be rude to make it so obvious they weren’t on our “first choice” list. The only exception was that we allowed one guest, who had entered into a relationship between us setting our guest list and the time of the wedding, to bring their significant other.

Am I being petty?

Not this again. It’s an annual posting. If I wanted to go to the wedding I would rsvp that I was attending and go and enjoy myself. If your feelings are hurt decline. Yes you’re petty.

[Anonymous]

For a 20 person wedding I had a friend pay $4000 and that was 8 years ago. Weddings are expensive chile. Get a $100 gift card and have a good time with the A listers and see what’s going on and be nosey

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, your post said it would be rude to have people know they were not on your first choice list. But those you don’t invite know they were not your first choice.

[Anonymous]

Don’t waste your effort on this issue

Do you want to go to the wedding? then go
Don’t want to go? The decline
Pick a budget you are comfortable with and send a gift or don’t.

Then don’t give it another thought bc you don’t need to

And just know that in a few years it’s is very very likely the only time you will hear from her is when she posts a social media update. This is a natural progression of relationships in adulthood as people get married and the. have kids

[Anonymous]

She just wants a gift.

[Anonymous]

You’re being petty. If you cannot get past it and attend happily, then do not go.

[Anonymous]

I invited a colleague to my wedding late and I was straight with her that it was so late because I wasn’t sure I had it in my budget but a few people had declined. She was thrilled to come with her husband and I still have the bowl she gave me in my kitchen. I love that she came

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go. You can say you already have plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be friends with her?

We were close in college, and would see each other a couple times a year - I did invite her to my wedding; but (thinking back) I guess it made sense I wasn’t invited to hers. I’m more put off by this obvious tier system because she posted multiple times about sending save the dates 9 months ago and invitations a few months back lol. I just think it’s tacky.

It’s incredibly tacky. I wouldn’t go. Either they wanted you there enough to take the risk with yield or they are not dying to have you there. A late invite, esp from a narcissist who thinks anyone other than her would actually care about her save the dates, invites etc enough to have them on social media, is a slap in the face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not attend. I would feel like a second rate seat filler. No thanks.

Me either.

Forget that.

I would rather watch paint dry.

No not really, but you get my gist. 👍🏽