Teen girl telling boyfriend no sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

She's 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known too many teenage girls who found themselves pregnant, and the boy who swore he loved her and would never leave her suddenly vanished.

At 16, don’t risk it. The consequences are too great for a few moments of pleasure.

Be firm and break up now if he doesn’t agree with a non sexual relationship. It will hurt, but a lot less than potentially being a teen mom.

wow where did you grow up? i never knew anyone.

Really? I went to a very small high school and can think of 5 without much effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her to be less absolute. She’s 16, that’s like 2 years from now. She can be firm that she doesn’t want to do anything anytime soon without making a statement that could change.

2 years without any sexual action (not just sex but you said nothing I assume past kissing?)is a long time to wait at 16-17 - it’s ok to not be ready but I do think it sounds like your daughter might not be ready to have a boyfriend, which is also ok.

Ew you’re creepy. Why are creeps allowed to comment on the private lives of 16 year olds? You sound like a pedophile

I’m just answering the question, genius. Which is literally about the sex lives of teenagers lol. Some of you are so melodramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

But this is not about "right now". She is ruling it out completely until some arbitrary point in time. She has a right to do so, obviously, but it is unusual for a girl who nevertheless wants to have a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

This is so weird to me as a parent of 17 year old twins.
My kids are very social but neither has a boyfriend/girlfriend and neither do any of their friends. I'm sure some have had a random sexual experience but no one is breaking up over not getting sex. They're not even having sex. Or kissing. Or anything. These are different times for teenagers.

I don't think I'm off base on this. My friends with slightly older teenagers talk about the same thing. Several sent sons to college last year who (to their knowledge) had never kissed anyone. I'm sure that not all of them know their son's every move but some of them probably have an accurate picture. And to they're knowledge they're not having sex. Let alone putting down sexual ultimatums. And these are well adjusted, social, popular kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

But this is not about "right now". She is ruling it out completely until some arbitrary point in time. She has a right to do so, obviously, but it is unusual for a girl who nevertheless wants to have a boyfriend.

Not really. 16 is still young. It's good that she can make a mature decision. Maybe she will change her mind later and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only helpful advice is that it's okay to lose him.

+1

This entire thread should have stopped with this accurate advice.

[Anonymous]

What does "no sex of any kind" mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

My experience was different. All pretty and successful girls who did not have sex or boyfriends in HS ended up married to high earning and functional spouses. Still happily married with nice kids.

[Anonymous]

What misfortune that this sensible 16 year old has come to the OP for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen girl 16 wants to tell her boyfriend (also 16) she’s not up for sex (of any kind) while she’s in high school. She’s worried she’s going to lose him and she’s not sure how to approach it.

I want to offer her helpful advice, but I’m not sure what to say.

Is the horny BF your son, OP?

[Anonymous]

I don't know why you would interpret 'no sex of any kind' as no kissing or touching. I interpret it as no fellatio, no anal, no PIV. I was comfortable with first and second base in high school, and she may be, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her to be less absolute. She’s 16, that’s like 2 years from now. She can be firm that she doesn’t want to do anything anytime soon without making a statement that could change.

2 years without any sexual action (not just sex but you said nothing I assume past kissing?)is a long time to wait at 16-17 - it’s ok to not be ready but I do think it sounds like your daughter might not be ready to have a boyfriend, which is also ok.

Ew you’re creepy. Why are creeps allowed to comment on the private lives of 16 year olds? You sound like a pedophile

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me as a parent of 17 year old twins.
My kids are very social but neither has a boyfriend/girlfriend and neither do any of their friends. I'm sure some have had a random sexual experience but no one is breaking up over not getting sex. They're not even having sex. Or kissing. Or anything. These are different times for teenagers.

I don't think I'm off base on this. My friends with slightly older teenagers talk about the same thing. Several sent sons to college last year who (to their knowledge) had never kissed anyone. I'm sure that not all of them know their son's every move but some of them probably have an accurate picture. And to they're knowledge they're not having sex. Let alone putting down sexual ultimatums. And these are well adjusted, social, popular kids.

My DS is in 10th grade at a local private school. DS has kissed a girl (he tells me these things). He has a large group of friends and 4 of the boys have girlfriends. My DS told my college age DD (who told me ) that 3 of the 4 boys are having sex weekly with their girlfriends. They are all 15 and 16 years old. So I have heard the statistics about how teens aren’t having as much sex as our generation, but it seems about the same as what I saw in the 80s.