My 13 Year Old Son Came out as Gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

How is this even possible? I can't imagine a kid that age knowing anything about sexuality.

You know what sex you find attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

How is this even possible? I can't imagine a kid that age knowing anything about sexuality.

You know what sex you find attractive.

Eh. My 9 year old has said she would marry her best friend (a girl), an older brother of a friend and the family pet. I don't think she has any idea of what any of that means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

How is this even possible? I can't imagine a kid that age knowing anything about sexuality.

You know what sex you find attractive.

Eh. My 9 year old has said she would marry her best friend (a girl), an older brother of a friend and the family pet. I don't think she has any idea of what any of that means.

I think many children already have a strong preference, even if they don't have any conscious knowledge. My son was absolutely rapt at the age of 3 when the Barbies were dancing in Toy Story 2. We've told him many times that he could marry a boy or a girl (or nobody) and he is adamant that it will be a girl (now age 7).

[Anonymous]

Hugs as this is a lot to digest. I know gay men who knew by age 5 so don't underestimate this. What he told you is probably the biggest moment in his young life. He's got a lot to figure out and hopefully you will support, love and treat him just as you have thus far. Christ did not discriminate, despite what some "Christian" churches claim so if you are at one of those churches or demoninations, this is going to push you out of your comfort zone and you may need to broaden your current definition of Christianity.

[Anonymous]

My daughter changed her mind a lot (straight to bi to gay to bi to gay to bi) so for some people it is a little early to make a "final" decision. Other people I know knew they were gay quite young and never wavered. But, OP, I think you're only asking that because you hope he'll change to being straight. I mean, if your other kids tell you they're straight at the age of the 13 will you tell them it's too early for them to decide?

Your son will decide in his own good time who he is and your best bet is to listen and be supportive regardless of who he turns out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice with dealing with it?

I'm a 40 YO Christian woman with a lovely husband and 3 sons. The youngest just came out last night and me/DH are struggling to accept that for his sake. Am I wrong that 13 is WAY too early to come to this conclusion?

He probably knows because boys that age have already gotten their hands and eyes on plenty of porn.

Please don't despair. I'm a very straight woman (also Christian also I have kids) who has close gay friends and I've immersed myself in some of that community over the years and it's pretty wonderful. Plenty of great people leading happy lives in the mix. Many of my gay friends are married with kids - male couples included.
Do you live in DC? DC is a fine place to be gay and accepted.
There's a thriving gay community in Columbia Heights DC with sports leagues that start at age 18 (it's for gay/lesbian people and for straight people that are supportive of them) called Federal Triangles. The thing about that community is it's wonderful because the people are so happy because it's a supportive, accepting environment. There's no reason not to be happy and accepting of your boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

How is this even possible? I can't imagine a kid that age knowing anything about sexuality.

You haven't heard of kindergartners having crushes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

How is this even possible? I can't imagine a kid that age knowing anything about sexuality.

You haven't heard of kindergartners having crushes?

It's not at all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

How is this even possible? I can't imagine a kid that age knowing anything about sexuality.

You haven't heard of kindergartners having crushes?

It's not at all the same.

20.37/20.48 again. Yes, for some kids it is the same. I work with kids, I've seen several who knew early. Sometimes it's a little K girl who wants to kiss her best (girl) friend. Sometimes it's a 1 st grade boy chasing the girl he likes best around the playground. Kids are figuring out who they are and who they like, and each will figure it out eventually. Some may be early enough that adults dismiss it, other times the adults know for years before the child finally figures it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter changed her mind a lot (straight to bi to gay to bi to gay to bi) so for some people it is a little early to make a "final" decision. Other people I know knew they were gay quite young and never wavered. But, OP, I think you're only asking that because you hope he'll change to being straight. I mean, if your other kids tell you they're straight at the age of the 13 will you tell them it's too early for them to decide?

Your son will decide in his own good time who he is and your best bet is to listen and be supportive regardless of who he turns out to be.

I wouldn't it "changing her mind." People are obsessed with labels. Kids are in a hurry to pick a label because of pressure. Sexuality isn't so black and white.

[Anonymous]

OP, lead with love. The rest will follow.

I agree with the posters who said it took a tremendous amount of courage for him to tell you this. Most likely he already knows your views on homosexuality and he told you anyhow. That's incredible.

Thank him for telling you, reassure him you love him and ALWAYS will.

Do the private work on your end to deal with your emotions surrounding this. That's now your job to take on.

But please, don't forget, to lead with love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13 is not too early to know. Let him know that you will always love him and thank him for trusting you.

This.

This. So pleased you have an open mind OP. Having your support will mean the world to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, lead with love. The rest will follow.

I agree with the posters who said it took a tremendous amount of courage for him to tell you this. Most likely he already knows your views on homosexuality and he told you anyhow. That's incredible.

Thank him for telling you, reassure him you love him and ALWAYS will.

Do the private work on your end to deal with your emotions surrounding this. That's now your job to take on.

But please, don't forget, to lead with love.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that at 13 it's as likely as not that he's actually gay. I've known quite a few people that were older than that when they began identifying as gay - like, in long-term gay relationships, came out to parents, etc. - who then after a few years did an about-face and are now your average hetero moms and dads. Sexuality is weird!

No, they're not. They're in hetero relationships. That doesn't make them hetero. That only makes them part of a hetero relationship.

As much as being in a gay relationship doesn't actually make them gay, and just makes them a part of a gay relationship, then I agree.

Kinsey scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

This is one of the reasons that I am super happy that my kids have two sets of aunts/ uncles that are married and gay. They will at least always have a word for and an understanding of differences in relationships from, well, always.