Parents who don’t let their kids do sleepovers but send them to sleepaway camps: what’s your rationale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm going to send them to college and that's basically a giant sleepaway camp...

You’re right, sending an 18 year old to college is exactly the same as sending a 10 year old away with no means of contacting you.

I’ve never had my kids at a camp where they couldn’t contact me. That’s very unusual for sleepaway. They may not be able to call you daily, but generally you get a weekly call or at least snail mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids do both, but I hate sleepovers and understand why some parents won’t allow them. They’re just disruptive whether they’re at your home or someone else’s. Kids are tired and grumpy the next day and it affects the whole weekend. Sleepaway camp is a total experience, and it can benefit both kid and parents.

+1
I wish I could just put my foot down on sleepovers and I have scaled back to one every 2-3 months. I trust the parents and the kids LIVE and breathe for sleepovers so I can't cut that out of their lives. I prefer camps because they have a solid schedule and experience important outdoor activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering as I know several parents who don’t like or don’t allow their kids to do sleepovers but will gladly send them to sleepaway camp. Isn’t there more of a risk of something going wrong at a sleepaway camp where your child is with total strangers than at the home of a family you know and trust? What am I missing here?

I don't allow either, but I think many people assume background checks on camp employees eliminate all risk. I agree that is bad logic. Luckily my kids don't clamor for opportunities to sleep in strange locations apart from their family, so I don't have to deal with these questions.

No one is foolish enough to think all risk is eliminated. But it is a protective step, and we talk to our kids about molestation and who to turn to, whether it’s someone at the school or someone at a camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse was molested at one of the most exclusive summer camps in the country. It happens, even though people like to tell themselves otherwise. Agree with a PP that there’s only one childhood. If this happens to your kid, it is a life sentence. Not at all worth the risks. This isn’t sheltering your child, either. By the time they go to the college, they are 18-19 years old and far more equipped.

Molestations occur at schools, at churches, at scouts, at camp, at sleepovers. You can’t prevent everything. Personally I think the benefits of sleepaway especially in an era of screens is worth it. My kids look forward to camp each year.

[Anonymous]

Mine are in weekend morning activities that make sleep overs hard. I'd allow it if I knew someone and their home life well but the offers we had, either I wasn't comfortable with or timing just didn't work. Mine didn't care. I've seen enough bad stuff via work that it wasn't worth the risk to me.

We allowed sleep over camps as teens after they went to the day camp for several years and we knew the staff and what to expect. Now we are allowing other sleep over camps as kid is old enough to say no, and easier to get out of a bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse was molested at one of the most exclusive summer camps in the country. It happens, even though people like to tell themselves otherwise. Agree with a PP that there’s only one childhood. If this happens to your kid, it is a life sentence. Not at all worth the risks. This isn’t sheltering your child, either. By the time they go to the college, they are 18-19 years old and far more equipped.

Molestations occur at schools, at churches, at scouts, at camp, at sleepovers. You can’t prevent everything. Personally I think the benefits of sleepaway especially in an era of screens is worth it. My kids look forward to camp each year.

As a parent I'm absolutely going to try. I had an issue with a doctor at the ER and I was too out of it to stop it or say no. Not letting that happen to my kids if I can prevent it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Staff at the camp is background checked.

Yes, plus there are multiple staff members and oversight and lots of other kids around. It’s not like a handful of kids sleeping in a basement where a creepy parent can catch a kid in the hall or set up cameras or who knows what else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering as I know several parents who don’t like or don’t allow their kids to do sleepovers but will gladly send them to sleepaway camp. Isn’t there more of a risk of something going wrong at a sleepaway camp where your child is with total strangers than at the home of a family you know and trust? What am I missing here?

Camp staff have had an interview and a background check. Other parents haven't been back ground checked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse was molested at one of the most exclusive summer camps in the country. It happens, even though people like to tell themselves otherwise. Agree with a PP that there’s only one childhood. If this happens to your kid, it is a life sentence. Not at all worth the risks. This isn’t sheltering your child, either. By the time they go to the college, they are 18-19 years old and far more equipped.

Molestations occur at schools, at churches, at scouts, at camp, at sleepovers. You can’t prevent everything. Personally I think the benefits of sleepaway especially in an era of screens is worth it. My kids look forward to camp each year.

As a parent I'm absolutely going to try. I had an issue with a doctor at the ER and I was too out of it to stop it or say no. Not letting that happen to my kids if I can prevent it.

I try to! I send my kid to school, and I vet the sleepaway camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering as I know several parents who don’t like or don’t allow their kids to do sleepovers but will gladly send them to sleepaway camp. Isn’t there more of a risk of something going wrong at a sleepaway camp where your child is with total strangers than at the home of a family you know and trust? What am I missing here?

Camp staff have had an interview and a background check. Other parents haven't been back ground checked.

Not to mention training, performance reviews and buddy systems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get one childhood. I'm not taking the risk of molestation, too young sexual experimentation, shenanigans or sneaking out. There is a time and place for everything and it's called college.

They only get one childhood, so you are making sure they can't enjoy it

Honestly I wish I had a childhood that was not marred by sexual abuse at the hands of a father of a friend at a sleepover. I was in the shower when he crept in and raped me. I had to fake an asthma attack to go to the hospital to avoid spending the rest of the night there. Sadly, a Christian camp was my second horror show. The youth leader groped me, then tried to get me to perform fellatio on him and told everyone I was a sinner and turned the whole church against me. I will pass on that for my girls. They will never go to a sleepover or a sleep away camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Staff at the camp is background checked.

Parents do not have a chance to meet the staff so of course they need to be vetted by the employer. I assume you would have met the parents of the friend so that you can make your own decision.

Tons of other people around at camp including a lot of adults. Cabins with several kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get one childhood. I'm not taking the risk of molestation, too young sexual experimentation, shenanigans or sneaking out. There is a time and place for everything and it's called college.

They only get one childhood, so you are making sure they can't enjoy it

Honestly I wish I had a childhood that was not marred by sexual abuse at the hands of a father of a friend at a sleepover. I was in the shower when he crept in and raped me. I had to fake an asthma attack to go to the hospital to avoid spending the rest of the night there. Sadly, a Christian camp was my second horror show. The youth leader groped me, then tried to get me to perform fellatio on him and told everyone I was a sinner and turned the whole church against me. I will pass on that for my girls. They will never go to a sleepover or a sleep away camp.

Christian camps are the worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve let mine do both but need to meet the parents before a sleepover.
At camp DD was in an all female cabin with 2 female counselors. When they went to the bathroom at night they had to take a buddy or a counselor. They have rules/procedures in place.
Sleepovers do not.

This. Plus there are no cell phones, no computers, and no privacy. There is bedtime and a wake up time. Kids are busy and learning skills all day long. Sleepaway camp is not at all comparable to sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

The staff might be background checked but LOTS of abuse is from peers.