New baby, Vegas and strip clubs
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| We have an 11 week old daughter at home and my husband (35) is leaving Friday morning to attend the bachelor party for my brother in law (25) in Vegas with all my brother in laws friends, who are also 25. I am starting back at work on Monday and leaving our newborn for the first time. I happened to be on his phone when I saw a text about their plans to spend all night at a strip club with table service, limo etc. I just find the whole situation so sad and inappropriate. I am not against strip clubs and we have gone, as a couple, many times. This just feels different and really inappropriate. Am I wrong to be upset? Thoughts? My husband thinks that I shouldn't be bothered by it. |
Anonymous
| I can see the trolls taking this down the road of "it's hormones, you guys have done it before, life doesn't change after a baby, if you don't him to go say so", etc. but, I don't like it and it would bother me A LOT. |
Anonymous
|
Why does it bother you if you've gone together as a couple? Do you think the group mentality of a bunch of 25 year olds is going to encourage your DH to do something he wouldn't otherwise do?
What would you want him to do? Skip the strip club activities? Skip the trip altogether? |
Anonymous
| Yes its kinda sad, but its not inappropriate for your husband to attend if that is what the bachelor wants. I'm sure they'll have fun, and then he'll come home. |
Anonymous
|
OP here
There is a time and place for everything and this is not the time or place. I feel awful about myself right now and freely admit I am self conscience and jealous. It was a hard pregnancy that took 7 years to achieve and I guess I just want him to WANT to not go. And I wish that he had the balls to say that he didn't want to disrespect my feelings and do something else instead. I want him to have a good time always. I just don't think THIS is the time or place to be looking at hot naked women. I guess I was just hoping that he'd understand my perspective. |
Anonymous
Have you talked to him about any of this, especially your insecurities? Please don't expect him to read your mind. |
Anonymous
|
OP - it's not about him going to a strip club. It's about you feeling abandoned with an 11 week old at home.
don't mask the issue - this is what guys hate. be direct and honest. |
Anonymous
| You sound pretty insecure Right now and exhausted. I'll admit timing isn't the greatest. At some point though you will ask the same of your dh he asks of you now. Only thing left to all is you mention is brother in law. Is it his brother? If that's the case you are purposely misleading the thread. If it's not his brother, how close are the 2 really? |
Anonymous
As PP said...you have to be direct and honest about your feelings. Hoping that he can read your mind and will end up doing what you want is a mistake. Then bashing him because he did not make the decision that you hoped he would make compunds that mistake. Don't play those types of games....it spells doom in a marriage. Speak your mind directly - "Honey, I do not think it is appropriate for you to go and here is why." You need to have an open discussion with each other about it. Don't expect him to understand your perspective - help him understand your persepective. Now you DO have a right to be peeved if you are honest and he goes anyway. GL |
Anonymous
But, it's not like he just up and decided to go do it this weekend. It's a planned bachelor party, and for his own brother no less. |
Anonymous
|
This isn't about OP being honest. She can be as honest or open as she wants, but her husband is not going to skip his own brother's bachelor party.
OP, your feelings and concerns are legitimate, but you need to understand that DH attending this event is about neither you nor DH. It is about his brother. Would you seriously consider skipping out on your sibling's wedding event if your DH felt self-conscious about one of the activities? And would you even want to be married to someone who cares little enough about his siblings to agree to back out of this? |
Anonymous
|
guy here - if my wife was clear about her not wanting to be left alone with the newborn, I'd skip my own brother's bachelor party - and I did this very thing a few years ago (and for my best bud's bachelor party too).
guys don't hold grudges - we let it go. it's not about us not caring enough - it's about trade-offs and doing what's right at the right time. |
Anonymous
| Thank you for your responses. Yes, it was planned, but i didn't know about the strip club part of it until last night, even though he has known the whole time. It is not his brother, it is my sisters fiance. And, upon finding out about the strip club, I told him how it made me feel. I told him that I felt horrible about my body and that it made me jealous (and I am the least jealous person ever) and sad. I was very honest. He's still going. The reason I posted on here was to question the validity of my feelings? Knowing all of these things, is it valid to be so sad about this? I feel like I can't breathe. |
Anonymous
| Yes!! Agree with the two PPs. You should have been honest from the get go -- and being honest now is unfortunately too late. It's ok if it was hard to say or spell out but I think you should try to let him go and not feel bad about or make him feel bad about it. I know it's crappy but you'll get through it. |
Anonymous
|
OP, your feelings are definitely valid, especially considering your latest post. I'm sorry you're upset about the situation.
I think it's a whole different ball game since it isn't his brother and (based on your post) you feel like he avoided telling you about the strip club plans (although, 25 year olds in Vegas...I'm not terribly surprised a strip club is involved) But I can also see why he wouldn't want to go on the trip and skip out on the strip club plans. What is he supposed to do while they do that? |