Please explain to me what a pick-me girl is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick me seems just like r/notlikeothergirls -a subreddit.
I'm gen x and I recall referring to this type of behavior as "cool girl" or "cool girlfriend". She'll hang with the guys, drink beer and watch football. Hell, she's more into the game than the guys.

If she’s actually into beer and the game she’s not a pick me. If she’s pretending to like watching football to impress a man she is a pick me.

Agree. Sometimes women are accused of being pick me girls for being themselves, because people are essentialist about gender. A woman who genuinely likes stereotypically male activities isn't a pick me. Lots of women authentically just like sports, for instance. A pick me woman doesn't actually care about sports one way or the other, but she's interested in whatever the man she's trying to attract is interested in. Could be sports, art, beer, travel, etc.

Pick me girls keep their interests kind of neutral so that they can mold them around the men in their lives. They are waiting to be imprinted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Don't get caught in circular logic. Pick me behavior is negative because it pits women in competition with one another for the attention and approval of men. It is a specific behavior some women engage in that perpetuates misogyny and harms other women. It's okay to criticize that, especially in a conversation among women. The goal is ultimately to encourage women to support each other and NOT compete for men in this way. It's ultimately a pro-woman conversation because it's assuming that women have value beyond simply being chosen by men.

This is substantively different than what a pick me woman does, which is subtly put down other women when she is around men, in order to make herself look good. Pick me behavior places the desires of men above everything else. They are the audience and recipient, and pick me women turn all women into auditioners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Yes. Pick-me girls demean other women to make themselves look better. We don't have to tolerate being demeaned in the same of supporting other women.

https://markmanson.net/the-paradox-of-tolerance

[Anonymous]

I used to think it was like Meredith Gray with her famous “pick me” speech, but it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Yes. Pick-me girls demean other women to make themselves look better. We don't have to tolerate being demeaned in the same of supporting other women.

https://markmanson.net/the-paradox-of-tolerance

Criticizing pick-me behavior is only hypocritical if you do it to try and make yourself look more attractive to men than the women you are criticizing.

If you are asking another woman to stop this behavior because it harms you, and without regard to how men see you, that's fine.

It's about the intended audience. Pick me women are performing for men.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I never heard of this term till today but it describes perfectly a girlfriend I had many years ago. She was always trying to change her personality and interests to impress a guy. She eventually married a man by pretending she was into the same sports and allowing him to tell her how to dress. It was nauseating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick me seems just like r/notlikeothergirls -a subreddit.
I'm gen x and I recall referring to this type of behavior as "cool girl" or "cool girlfriend". She'll hang with the guys, drink beer and watch football. Hell, she's more into the game than the guys.

Noooooo. Pick me girls are not seen as ‘cool.’ They try to put themselves at the center of attention and then whine about it. They’re mostly seen as an annoyance.

Popular girls can be very pick me.

[Anonymous]

Are there also pick-me boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some other examples from music (I actually like/d a lot of pick me music back in the day haha)

Misery Business
She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out
When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth
I waited eight long months, she finally set him free
I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me
Two weeks and we had caught on fire
She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now

She "stole" the guy from the hourglass hottie and is bragging about it.

Taylor Swift You Belong With Me is a pick me, Pussycat dolls "doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me", Avril Lavigne Sk8er boi and I dont like your girlfriend, Alanis Morisette You Otta Know.

If you read the lyrics you can get a sense of the comparison/putting down that makes someone a pick me.

The first of these might be 'pick me' but not the others - not even You Belong With Me and especially not You Oughta No. Longing for someone or anger that you were dumped does not make one a 'pick me' girl.

[Anonymous]

They are the girls you skanks are jealous of and your husbands think about all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the girls you skanks are jealous of and your husbands think about all the time.

Go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Don't get caught in circular logic. Pick me behavior is negative because it pits women in competition with one another for the attention and approval of men. It is a specific behavior some women engage in that perpetuates misogyny and harms other women. It's okay to criticize that, especially in a conversation among women. The goal is ultimately to encourage women to support each other and NOT compete for men in this way. It's ultimately a pro-woman conversation because it's assuming that women have value beyond simply being chosen by men.

This is substantively different than what a pick me woman does, which is subtly put down other women when she is around men, in order to make herself look good. Pick me behavior places the desires of men above everything else. They are the audience and recipient, and pick me women turn all women into auditioners.

But that's exactly what most of these posts are doing. Women who like stereotypically male pastimes are bad because it *must* be performative and only designed to compete with other women, and these women are not as "good" as a woman who is stereotypically feminine. There's no intention involved -- a woman behaves in any other way than the socially approved way around men, she is "subtly put[ting] down other women" and must be scorned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Don't get caught in circular logic. Pick me behavior is negative because it pits women in competition with one another for the attention and approval of men. It is a specific behavior some women engage in that perpetuates misogyny and harms other women. It's okay to criticize that, especially in a conversation among women. The goal is ultimately to encourage women to support each other and NOT compete for men in this way. It's ultimately a pro-woman conversation because it's assuming that women have value beyond simply being chosen by men.

This is substantively different than what a pick me woman does, which is subtly put down other women when she is around men, in order to make herself look good. Pick me behavior places the desires of men above everything else. They are the audience and recipient, and pick me women turn all women into auditioners.

But that's exactly what most of these posts are doing. Women who like stereotypically male pastimes are bad because it *must* be performative and only designed to compete with other women, and these women are not as "good" as a woman who is stereotypically feminine. There's no intention involved -- a woman behaves in any other way than the socially approved way around men, she is "subtly put[ting] down other women" and must be scorned.

Also, don't miss the not so subtle anti-male tone here. A woman who appeals to men is BAD because men are oppressors and if it's something they like, it can't be natural or good.

[Anonymous]

It's a thirsty woman who will throw other women under the bus so she looks better in the eyes of others, usually men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Don't get caught in circular logic. Pick me behavior is negative because it pits women in competition with one another for the attention and approval of men. It is a specific behavior some women engage in that perpetuates misogyny and harms other women. It's okay to criticize that, especially in a conversation among women. The goal is ultimately to encourage women to support each other and NOT compete for men in this way. It's ultimately a pro-woman conversation because it's assuming that women have value beyond simply being chosen by men.

This is substantively different than what a pick me woman does, which is subtly put down other women when she is around men, in order to make herself look good. Pick me behavior places the desires of men above everything else. They are the audience and recipient, and pick me women turn all women into auditioners.

But that's exactly what most of these posts are doing. Women who like stereotypically male pastimes are bad because it *must* be performative and only designed to compete with other women, and these women are not as "good" as a woman who is stereotypically feminine. There's no intention involved -- a woman behaves in any other way than the socially approved way around men, she is "subtly put[ting] down other women" and must be scorned.

Also, don't miss the not so subtle anti-male tone here. A woman who appeals to men is BAD because men are oppressors and if it's something they like, it can't be natural or good.

It seems the pick me girls use the #notlikeothergirls persona to make another woman look less desireable, which would lead to her getting picked. I've seen this before with girlfriends and aquaintances. When it works, I think to myself, ok, because I don't care and I also don't compare myself to others. If anyone should be upset, it's men because we think they're too dumb to think for themselves.