What do I need to know about dating a black man, as a white woman?

[Anonymous]

This is the first time I've dated outside my race. He's actually biracial, and we're REALLY liking each other. We've just hit the point of introducing each other to the other's friends. I want to be respectful and aware of ... whatever I should know. Just not sure what that is. I come from a very white background - my HS had about 1600 kids and fewer than ten were black. So although my friend group now is much more diverse, I just don't know what ... I don't know.

[Anonymous]

For starters you should probably stop thinking about what you think you should know and just be yourself. If anything you'll just turn him off if he senses you're overanalyzing the race stuff, and he will sense it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For starters you should probably stop thinking about what you think you should know and just be yourself. If anything you'll just turn him off if he senses you're overanalyzing the race stuff, and he will sense it.

I'm definitely always myself. I just wondered if there are things I should be aware of or ... anything.

[Anonymous]

I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

[Anonymous]

In all seriousness, black people are normal people. They aren’t some weird robots we need to act differently around. You have no idea if this guy will be liberal or woke. I have half black cousins and they don’t play into any of that bs. Most are former military and conservative. Some don’t care about politics. Some like to professional victims.

Be kind. Be respectful. Be yourself. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all seriousness, black people are normal people. They aren’t some weird robots we need to act differently around. You have no idea if this guy will be liberal or woke. I have half black cousins and they don’t play into any of that bs. Most are former military and conservative. Some don’t care about politics. Some like to professional victims.

Be kind. Be respectful. Be yourself. That’s it.

Well said. So many stupid responses in this thread, but this person has it nailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the first time I've dated outside my race. He's actually biracial, and we're REALLY liking each other. We've just hit the point of introducing each other to the other's friends. I want to be respectful and aware of ... whatever I should know. Just not sure what that is. I come from a very white background - my HS had about 1600 kids and fewer than ten were black. So although my friend group now is much more diverse, I just don't know what ... I don't know.

This question gives me chills. I’m a Black woman who is married to a white male equivalent of you. Worst mistake of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first time I've dated outside my race. He's actually biracial, and we're REALLY liking each other. We've just hit the point of introducing each other to the other's friends. I want to be respectful and aware of ... whatever I should know. Just not sure what that is. I come from a very white background - my HS had about 1600 kids and fewer than ten were black. So although my friend group now is much more diverse, I just don't know what ... I don't know.

This question gives me chills. I’m a Black woman who is married to a white male equivalent of you. Worst mistake of my life.

So the takeaway is what? OP should steer clear because he's going to be bitter that she's white?

[Anonymous]

What should you know?!? He and his family and friends are not a different species. They are human, just like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

Lol. White women care very much when it’s a Black woman with an attractive, successful white man. I’m a Black woman who has only dated white men and who has been married to a white man for over 10 years. Dealing with white women has been a headache. I had virtually only white girlfriends until I got engaged at 26 and then one by one, they all seemed to become rabid and deranged. One actually told me that my husband and I aren’t meant to be because she allegedly had a dream in which my husband was marrying a blonde.

Last week, I got elbowed by a white woman at, of all things, a fundraiser for impoverished DC-area children. She smiled at my husband when he walked in, stared at him all the way until he sat next to me (I entered first while he parked the car), and then widened her eyes and scowled when he kissed me. My husband is tall, handsome, and dresses like the descendant of Boston Brahmins that he is lol. Karen and her friend kept staring at me and my husband as we pretended not to notice them. When I went to the bathroom, Karen was standing outside it and as I exited, she entered without giving me a chance to finish leaving, and made sure to “accidentally” elbow me on the way in. Par for the course. I didn’t pay her any attention because trash is beneath my notice.

Anyway, white people are hardly immune to jealousy over interracial relationships. Please don’t lie to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first time I've dated outside my race. He's actually biracial, and we're REALLY liking each other. We've just hit the point of introducing each other to the other's friends. I want to be respectful and aware of ... whatever I should know. Just not sure what that is. I come from a very white background - my HS had about 1600 kids and fewer than ten were black. So although my friend group now is much more diverse, I just don't know what ... I don't know.

This question gives me chills. I’m a Black woman who is married to a white male equivalent of you. Worst mistake of my life.

So the takeaway is what? OP should steer clear because he's going to be bitter that she's white?

You can take away whatever you see fit. I hope the poor man is smarter than I was and runs far.

[Anonymous]

The people saying "be yourself this is not an issue" are dismissive and naive.

Of course some black people will be irritated at you dating him, some with you and some with him. This could be in your own families (these things don't often come out until they come out).

He could struggle with it. You could struggle with it.

If you're uncomfortable or have questions, talk about it. Get on the same page that you will have questions and be uncomfortable at times (both of you) and address how you'll talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Treat him and his family with respect and dignity.

Be prepared to confront your own implicit biases (yes you have them. We all do).

Don’t try to be super woke suzy. Just be open, kind and respectful.

Accept that there will be some stuff you may not understand. You have a different life experience.

Accept that others will misunderstand you . Act with integrity, but don’t center your hurt feelings when this happens.

Above all remember that relationships are hard but also wonderful. You are two people trying to make it work. I hope it works.