Child using their nickname instead of first name

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if as a young adult your child insisted on using a nickname from childhood instead of their actual name that was carefully chosen to honor an ancestor and as a nod to their ethnic heritage? Would you bring it up to them and share that you would prefer they use the name you gave them, or just drop it and let them choose for themselves?

[Anonymous]

Drop it for sure.

[Anonymous]

They’re adults, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely drop it. That’s the great thing about names that have nicknames.

[Anonymous]

This wouldn't fly in DeSantis' Florida, schools there now have to get parents to indicate on a form what their children are allowed to be called and if it's not listed then they must be called by their birth certificate name at school, no nicknames or preferred names.

The idea is to prevent students from asking staff to call them by their preferred name as they attempt to transition or begin that process, all without parental consent and knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Of course it is fine. Even if I was disappointed, it's not my name, not my choice.

[Anonymous]

That’s bat$hit to demand someone use a name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re adults, let it go.

+1 completely that person's choice

You got your say on the birth certificate

[Anonymous]

It's their name, not yours.

[Anonymous]

This has to be an adult child posing as a parent because this is bat$#*$ crazy and no one would admit this even anonymously online.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if your adult child legally changed their name entirely?

What if the legal name they choose was repulsive to you?

Is this about you?

Absolutely we all get the value of choosing a name for a new human; however, there is often the impression - here on E&PM - the child’s name is more about the parent, about the parent's need to express something about themselves by naming something, like it’s a sailboat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if as a young adult your child insisted on using a nickname from childhood instead of their actual name that was carefully chosen to honor an ancestor and as a nod to their ethnic heritage? Would you bring it up to them and share that you would prefer they use the name you gave them, or just drop it and let them choose for themselves?

I'm glad you didn't immediately complain to your child, but there is still a lot to unpack in your message. You seem to be taking their desire to be known as a nickname as almost a rejection of your/their ancestors and ethnic heritage. Thats a heavy thing to put on a kid, adult or no. Of course your kid is going to have a different view on such history than you do--you're separated by a generation and have your own unique perspectives and experiences.

And, given they are a young adult, the reason why they prefer their nickname is honestly none of your business. If you are having trouble accepting that, it's probably more tied to difficulty letting go and losing control as they age. A lot of parents go through the same thing. If its really eating you up, it could be worth talking your feelings out with a therapist so you don't inadvertently make your relationship with your kid more difficult than it needs to be in the years to come.

If, however, you'd like to hear more about why their nickname appeals there is probably a healthy way to do so. But don't make the conversation about you or your feelings. You're not the star of the show here. Instead, be supportive and simply ask if what appeals most to them about their nickname. It could be a chance to learn more about your kid.

...But seriously, only do this if you can keep your own opinions to yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn't fly in DeSantis' Florida, schools there now have to get parents to indicate on a form what their children are allowed to be called and if it's not listed then they must be called by their birth certificate name at school, no nicknames or preferred names.

The idea is to prevent students from asking staff to call them by their preferred name as they attempt to transition or begin that process, all without parental consent and knowledge.

How are Florida schools compelling young adults not to use their chosen names?

[Anonymous]

You chose your child's name, but you don't get to make decisions for them for the rest of their lives. Of course drop it.

[Anonymous]

My MIL insists on using DH’s full name even though he prefers a nickname. And has repeatedly told her.

So they don’t talk much. You reap what you sow.