19-year-old college student befriended classmate with schizophrenia

[Anonymous]

DD has always been a very friendly and empathetic. She has a history of befriending the underdog and seeing the best in everyone. I love this about her but I’m also very scared for her.

She made friends with a young man who has schizophrenia. He spent Thanksgiving with us and was super sweet. Very polite, kind and thoughtful. But it seems like he’s been struggling for the past few months and DD has gotten dragged into a lot of it. She’s constantly worried about him and she’s become the person he calls if he’s having a hard time. She has a girlfriend who attends a different college that has expressed some concerns to us. He seems a bit obsessive over DD (not in a romantic or sexual way, as he is also gay) but in a way where he seems dependent on her and constantly craves her attention and validation and I fear it’s too much stress on her. She’s a great student and was on the deans list last semester but I know she missed a class this past week to take him to the ER because he was suicidal. I don’t want her to neglect her schoolwork because she’s overly worried about a friends mental health. Anytime I try to bring it up to her she calls me selfish.

But I am selfish. My priority is her.

[Anonymous]

Not much you can do unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I would keep at it. She seems to have been sucked in.

[Anonymous]

He was doing great so assumed he didn't need his meds and went off them. Now he's a mess because .... he needs his meds. Tale as old as time. He'll probably die. That's how these things go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was doing great so assumed he didn't need his meds and went off them. Now he's a mess because .... he needs his meds. Tale as old as time. He'll probably die. That's how these things go.

I’d hate to see that happen. DD really adores this kid and I feel terribly for him. Really rough upbringing. DD doesn’t seem to understand she cannot fix this.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to scare you but I befriended a person in HS with schizophrenia with paranoid delusions it did not end well at all. You have reason to be concerned. I learned my lesson the hard way.

[Anonymous]

At that age you feel like if you try hard enough you can accomplish anything, including saving a friend. As a parent, you can try to talk to her about ways to support him as a friend, without drowning herself. And that a good friend knows their limits and when to get a professional involved. She can contact NAMI and get advice.

https://nami.org/Home

In my 30's I was suicidal. I called my BFF of 20 years. She totd me that this was more than she could handle and I needed to call a professional and call her back ASAP. Once I made a call to my psychiatrist and was waiting for him to call me back, I stayed on the phone with her. Best thing she could've done for me. Support me in the way she could and get me to people that are experts on Mental Illness.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you can do other than be there for her. This is part of life. Sometimes we try to help friends: sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes we have experiences that make us more empathetic, sometimes we have experiences that make us want to draw boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to scare you but I befriended a person in HS with schizophrenia with paranoid delusions it did not end well at all. You have reason to be concerned. I learned my lesson the hard way.

Most aren't violent. But some are. A coworker's son was murdered by his schizophrenic roommate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to scare you but I befriended a person in HS with schizophrenia with paranoid delusions it did not end well at all. You have reason to be concerned. I learned my lesson the hard way.

Most aren't violent. But some are. A coworker's son was murdered by his schizophrenic roommate.

I don’t think DDs friend is violent. No history of it violence or aggression on others, only on himself.

I think the statistics show schizophrenic people are more likely to be harmed than to harm. I know with this kid he has a history of being in abusive relationships because he’s so desperate for love. It’s incredibly sad.

I’m not really worried about this. I’m worried about DD neglecting herself to care for this young man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was doing great so assumed he didn't need his meds and went off them. Now he's a mess because .... he needs his meds. Tale as old as time. He'll probably die. That's how these things go.

I’d hate to see that happen. DD really adores this kid and I feel terribly for him. Really rough upbringing. DD doesn’t seem to understand she cannot fix this.

She needs to have it drummed into her head that it is not her place to fix or save people. Her wanting to help is a great trait - and she should use it in appropriate ways, like volunteering to teach adults to read or at a dog shelter or nursing home or something. This is over her head, above her qualifications, and even professionals can't convince people to stay on their meds. REALLY drive it home with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age you feel like if you try hard enough you can accomplish anything, including saving a friend. As a parent, you can try to talk to her about ways to support him as a friend, without drowning herself. And that a good friend knows their limits and when to get a professional involved. She can contact NAMI and get advice.

https://nami.org/Home

In my 30's I was suicidal. I called my BFF of 20 years. She totd me that this was more than she could handle and I needed to call a professional and call her back ASAP. Once I made a call to my psychiatrist and was waiting for him to call me back, I stayed on the phone with her. Best thing she could've done for me. Support me in the way she could and get me to people that are experts on Mental Illness.

This right here.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to get your DD in therapy so that she has someone neutral to help her understand that although she cares about her friend, his problems are not her problems.

[Anonymous]

OP you raised a lovely human caring and kind.

Unfortunately, this is a very hard disease.

I have a close friend whose DD has this disease.

You need to sit DD down and explain to her she needs to back away. I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to get your DD in therapy so that she has someone neutral to help her understand that although she cares about her friend, his problems are not her problems.

She’s in therapy for anxiety and some type A personality traits that can be challenging but I’m not sure if she’s ever bought her friend up.