Sort of estranged from parents, but they want to come to college graduation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

if you qualified for mean based financial aid, they do not have much money. It would be difficult to pay for a trip. Where did you live in the summers? How are you sort of estranged, did you have a falling out?

Outside of summer after freshman year, I had summer internships. They didn’t want me home.

I'm willing to bet that they suddenly want to play the "proud parents" as if your degree is something they achieved. Ask me how I know.
Graduation will not even compare to the total dread of planning of wedding.

They supported her for 18 years. She did well enough in high school to successfully finish college. She didn’t do all that alone.

But if they washed their hands of OP at 18, they cannot very well expect to suddenly be included whenever they decide to show up. That’s the gravamen of OP’s question. What to do when your parents are not actually abusive but have made clear they are not interested in you at all.

[Anonymous]

Yeah who knows with this person. For all the projection that's been done on the parents, maybe they're just blue collar people and OP told them they were a bunch of losers and she didn't want to wind up like them before heading to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How has OP been surviving the past few years? No new clothes? Does she drive? Who pays the car insurance? Is she living off the loans? I have to think a student has more bills than just phone bill and health insurance. Who bought the phone?

Do you not know that college studenrs can be thrifty? When I was in OP’s position I always had a part-time job and a small amount of money for living costs covered by scholarships and loans. I took the bus or walked or rode a beater bike. I got clothes at thrift stores. I didn’t eat out or drink much. Ate a lot of white rice and quesadillas.

It would be nice if people stopped speaking for the OP.

Sure but I think it’s relevant to point out that most college students live very cheaply, to the extent they are trying to claim OP is lying. And yes, loans cover the cost of living.

Totally irrelevant in this case. Stop speaking for the OP. If you want to talk about yourself, start your own thread. OP has apparently abandoned this one probably b/c answering the questions would blow her case up and make her look like a selfish twit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How has OP been surviving the past few years? No new clothes? Does she drive? Who pays the car insurance? Is she living off the loans? I have to think a student has more bills than just phone bill and health insurance. Who bought the phone?

Do you not know that college studenrs can be thrifty? When I was in OP’s position I always had a part-time job and a small amount of money for living costs covered by scholarships and loans. I took the bus or walked or rode a beater bike. I got clothes at thrift stores. I didn’t eat out or drink much. Ate a lot of white rice and quesadillas.

It would be nice if people stopped speaking for the OP.

Sure but I think it’s relevant to point out that most college students live very cheaply, to the extent they are trying to claim OP is lying. And yes, loans cover the cost of living.

No they don’t at all. Instead of subsisting on eggs and ramen they order uber eats and outsource their laundry. You don’t know OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

Did you have a HS graduation? If you graduated in 2020, probably not. College graduation is to be celebrated regardless of how it was paid. This is something you can give your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

Did you have a HS graduation? If you graduated in 2020, probably not. College graduation is to be celebrated regardless of how it was paid. This is something you can give your parents.

OP is not attending her own graduation and will be working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

Did you have a HS graduation? If you graduated in 2020, probably not. College graduation is to be celebrated regardless of how it was paid. This is something you can give your parents.

OP is not attending her own graduation and will be working.

+1

Something is 'off' with this post.

OP never described a reason for the estrangement except for the non payment of her college tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job with benefits lined up after graduation? Stable housing and transportation post graduation as well?

If yes, don’t worry about offending them or declining their overtures. If no, you’ll have to tolerate them until you do. Btdt.

Congratulations!

+1

Do what’s best for your survival and mental health.

For her survival? Little bit dramatic don’t you think? They might have way less money than you think they do. There will be plenty of parents at the graduation ceremony that didn’t pay the tuition. Let it go. If you need future help ask them.

Not paying when you can’t afford to is not the same as refusing to pay after FAFSA spits out an annual estimated family contribution figure so you can take vacations, drive new cars, and have younger kids in travel sports. In the latter, you’re screwing your college age kid’s life up if you refuse to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But they didn't. She came home in summers and they paid for health insurance and a phone.

She stayed with her grandmother during the breaks or was at internships.
It doesnt cost anything to keep her on their health plan.

Yes they paid for a phone.

Are all medical services free? Of course they aren’t OP got more out if this than the monthly premium.

Passively leaving an extra adult kid on your work health insurance is not some heavy lift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

Did you have a HS graduation? If you graduated in 2020, probably not. College graduation is to be celebrated regardless of how it was paid. This is something you can give your parents.

It should be celebrated! Her parents should throw her a wonderful party or take her out for a fabulous lunch and buy her a nice gift. It’s the least they can do for a child that has accomplished this without any financial burden on them. They just want to do a quick hit and run so they can check the box and alliviate any guilt they may feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

Did you have a HS graduation? If you graduated in 2020, probably not. College graduation is to be celebrated regardless of how it was paid. This is something you can give your parents.

It should be celebrated! Her parents should throw her a wonderful party or take her out for a fabulous lunch and buy her a nice gift. It’s the least they can do for a child that has accomplished this without any financial burden on them. They just want to do a quick hit and run so they can check the box and alliviate any guilt they may feel.

They could do that but I bet OP has few friends and she'd be worrying about them posting on social media. A party is actually less work than attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But they didn't. She came home in summers and they paid for health insurance and a phone.

She stayed with her grandmother during the breaks or was at internships.
It doesnt cost anything to keep her on their health plan.

Yes they paid for a phone.

Are all medical services free? Of course they aren’t OP got more out if this than the monthly premium.

Passively leaving an extra adult kid on your work health insurance is not some heavy lift.

So you never have any additional needs outside of an annual well visit? Doubt it.

[Anonymous]

I worked for someone who complained endlessly about how all of her hard work and therefore money were going to her child's college education. Come to find out, child was a valedictorian who got a full ride scholarship to state flagship school (this was in the late 80's, there were also other family circumstances that helped to put their essay together that helped the full ride as well).

People like this are annoying. I'm not saying this is OP's exact situation but years later, I'm still bewildered by this woman's behavior. They were local, they didn't pay room & board, student wasn't residential so apart from the food/bills the mother always paid, nothing changed once kid got into college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How has OP been surviving the past few years? No new clothes? Does she drive? Who pays the car insurance? Is she living off the loans? I have to think a student has more bills than just phone bill and health insurance. Who bought the phone?

Do you not know that college studenrs can be thrifty? When I was in OP’s position I always had a part-time job and a small amount of money for living costs covered by scholarships and loans. I took the bus or walked or rode a beater bike. I got clothes at thrift stores. I didn’t eat out or drink much. Ate a lot of white rice and quesadillas.

It would be nice if people stopped speaking for the OP.

Sure but I think it’s relevant to point out that most college students live very cheaply, to the extent they are trying to claim OP is lying. And yes, loans cover the cost of living.

No they don’t at all. Instead of subsisting on eggs and ramen they order uber eats and outsource their laundry. You don’t know OP.

They only do that if they have a lot of parent money. Which OP says they don’t have. My point is that college students can live on a shoestring - it’s normal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

Did you have a HS graduation? If you graduated in 2020, probably not. College graduation is to be celebrated regardless of how it was paid. This is something you can give your parents.

OP is not attending her own graduation and will be working.

+1

Something is 'off' with this post.

OP never described a reason for the estrangement except for the non payment of her college tuition.

If you’re going to comment, you should actually read the post. OP gave plenty of reasons.