Sort of estranged from parents, but they want to come to college graduation

[Anonymous]

Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

[Anonymous]

It’s your graduation. You get to do what you want. You don’t have to talk with them about it or make plans. My guess is that it’s open to the public, so they might attend. But that doesn’t mean you have to interact with them. You’re under no obligation to do that. Get your diploma and leave.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a job with benefits lined up after graduation? Stable housing and transportation post graduation as well?

If yes, don’t worry about offending them or declining their overtures. If no, you’ll have to tolerate them until you do. Btdt.

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job with benefits lined up after graduation? Stable housing and transportation post graduation as well?

If yes, don’t worry about offending them or declining their overtures. If no, you’ll have to tolerate them until you do. Btdt.

Congratulations!

+1

Do what’s best for your survival and mental health.

[Anonymous]

What do you want long-term as far as a relationship with them? Did you spend summers and vacations with them at home?

You could let them come but shut down any comments from them that seem like they’re taking credit. Did they come from families where paying for college wasn’t a thing? Or are they not well-off?

There’s more to the story here, no?

[Anonymous]

Time to grow up which means dealing with your parents with respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want long-term as far as a relationship with them? Did you spend summers and vacations with them at home?

You could let them come but shut down any comments from them that seem like they’re taking credit. Did they come from families where paying for college wasn’t a thing? Or are they not well-off?

There’s more to the story here, no?

This.

[Anonymous]

My parents never visited at college - and I did not expect them to as it would have been a major burden on the family.
I also paid 100% of my college expenses with the exception on 2 flights a year.
I was thrilled they were able to be a part of my graduation.

You need to reflect on the specific circumstances. Were there issues COVID related Freshman and Sophomore year that made visiting a challenge? Are there other things going on?

[Anonymous]

Do they have the money to help you? I grew up poor and paid for college with loans and scholarships. My parents were there for my graduation. The fact that they couldn’t afford to help me didn’t mean that they had nothing to do with my success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to grow up which means dealing with your parents with respect.

Or cutting off abusive people and having healthy boundaries…depends on the details…

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure what visiting has to do with anything, especially if you know finances are tight. Were they supportive in other ways? Why don’t you want them there?

If they aren’t supportive then no, you don’t need to celebrate with them.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they have very different values than you. Maybe they are making a small attempt to understand your world/you. Being gracious about that could go a long way…

As far as taking credit..sounds like there is a history there, and that can be exhausting. But if they do come you might just see how vulnerable they actually are. And how they now see you as someone to take help care of them.

[Anonymous]

You could “forget” to order tickets or say the ones you have are already earmarked for other friends of yours. I’ve never been to a college graduation that didn’t limit the number of guests.

[Anonymous]

Did you want them to visit? Did you ask, and they declined?

I would only not include them if they were abusive/actively toxic. You said they were not supportive at all, so I'm inclined to say you don't have to invite them.

I'm sorry, OP. it might sting on the day of your graduation. It hurts when you see other people with normal/supportive parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

if you qualified for mean based financial aid, they do not have much money. It would be difficult to pay for a trip. Where did you live in the summers? How are you sort of estranged, did you have a falling out?