Sort of estranged from parents, but they want to come to college graduation

[Anonymous]

They probably could not afford to pay. Grow up and pay your health insurance, phone and other living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They probably could not afford to pay. Grow up and pay your health insurance, phone and other living expenses.

Right? They did nothing for me except for all these things. OP won’t cut them off.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn’t pay or visit. They couldn’t afford to. I didn’t hold them being poor against them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They probably could not afford to pay. Grow up and pay your health insurance, phone and other living expenses.

They are not impoverished. They could afford to, they didn’t want to. They travel often, often places much further than my college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

if you qualified for mean based financial aid, they do not have much money. It would be difficult to pay for a trip. Where did you live in the summers? How are you sort of estranged, did you have a falling out?

Outside of summer after freshman year, I had summer internships. They didn’t want me home.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you resent them and don’t want them there. That’s fine. Don’t offer them tickets. They reap what they sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

if you qualified for mean based financial aid, they do not have much money. It would be difficult to pay for a trip. Where did you live in the summers? How are you sort of estranged, did you have a falling out?

Outside of summer after freshman year, I had summer internships. They didn’t want me home.

I'm willing to bet that they suddenly want to play the "proud parents" as if your degree is something they achieved. Ask me how I know.
Graduation will not even compare to the total dread of planning of wedding.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Why do you think they didn't want you home? Are there no opportunities for internships or jobs where they live? In other words, do you feel they tried to act in your best interests, however awkwardly, or do they just not enjoy your company?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably could not afford to pay. Grow up and pay your health insurance, phone and other living expenses.

They are not impoverished. They could afford to, they didn’t want to. They travel often, often places much further than my college.

Then why were you getting so much aid? How far away is your school? You are leaving out a boatload of relevant information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably could not afford to pay. Grow up and pay your health insurance, phone and other living expenses.

They are not impoverished. They could afford to, they didn’t want to. They travel often, often places much further than my college.

You would not get financial aid if they could afford to pay and didn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably could not afford to pay. Grow up and pay your health insurance, phone and other living expenses.

They are not impoverished. They could afford to, they didn’t want to. They travel often, often places much further than my college.

Then why were you getting so much aid? How far away is your school? You are leaving out a boatload of relevant information.

My college is not free. It’s my last semester and I hit my student loan limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it’s mostly adults here, I appreciate your opinions. If a student pays for college with means based financial aid, scholarships, and loans, and the parents did not pay anything, do they have a right to celebrate the graduation? Parents did not visit one time in four years. Now they want to make a production about graduation? It feels weird. I am on my dad’s health insurance and they pay my cell phone bill. Outside of that they haven’t given me anything or been supportive at all. And health insurance would be free through college aid if I didn’t have my dad’s to use.

if you qualified for mean based financial aid, they do not have much money. It would be difficult to pay for a trip. Where did you live in the summers? How are you sort of estranged, did you have a falling out?

Outside of summer after freshman year, I had summer internships. They didn’t want me home.

I'm willing to bet that they suddenly want to play the "proud parents" as if your degree is something they achieved. Ask me how I know.
Graduation will not even compare to the total dread of planning of wedding.

Is the implication in photos or whatever that they take and say to friends that paid for it? It feels weird. They not only didn’t pay anything, they undermined it all over the years and never wanted me to go.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure I understand the visiting concern. It wasn’t really a thing when I was in college. You wanted to see your parents you went home.

Now, if your parents have told you that you weren’t welcome in their home that would be upsetting and I would understand your hesitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what visiting has to do with anything, especially if you know finances are tight. Were they supportive in other ways? Why don’t you want them there?

Sounds like they are trying to be supportive by showing up to your graduation.

Unless there is a deeper history of mistreatment or abuse not evident in your post, I'd assume the best and look at this as something they are doing to celebrate your accomplishment and you. My parents never visited me in college, but it was mostly due to finances and a lack of understanding (when they were in college, no one visited them and they honestly didn't get that it's a "thing" for parents to do-- but again, finances). I know they love me and are proud of me and wanted to be there to celebrate my graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they have very different values than you. Maybe they are making a small attempt to understand your world/you. Being gracious about that could go a long way…

+1

Yes, this.