Truthfully, can you both have careers and have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible. I have leaned way in after my first was born. My husband and I both have no ability to WFH. They are long days but make it work by utilizing every minute and being highly efficient. We use aftercare at school and cook easy meals. Kids play one sport per season (if at all).

Kids are 2,6 and 9.

You’re still at the easy ages for sports and activities. It’ll be much harder when your kids are 7, 11 and 14 if you allow them to continue playing sports or participate in extra curriculars. There will be more practices, more games and more conflicts.

I have 3 and the easiest time to be a two parent working family was when all of them were 9 and under. Sure we were tired and the days were long, but it was doable. The youngest didn’t have any commitments and the older two were minimal. Day care/school/after care covered most of the needs and then we’d have maybe one evening activity.

Now the 3 are active tweens/early teens. They all are in a sport now, but the practices/games are 4x a week, at different times and places. We don’t have any local family or paid help and even though I have a flexible schedule, I lean heavily on carpools and other families to get them to their activities.

You realize you chose the sports. That is not a priority for every family or even wanted by the kids. I have kids in the same age brackets and this is nothing like our schedule. However, they’re still happy, active and have a large friend group.

Not PP but my 3 are dedicated to sports and it’s what they love. OP needs to know the reality of this type of after school calendar because not every kid is like yours, and she isn’t going to know in advance what she gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible. I have leaned way in after my first was born. My husband and I both have no ability to WFH. They are long days but make it work by utilizing every minute and being highly efficient. We use aftercare at school and cook easy meals. Kids play one sport per season (if at all).

Kids are 2,6 and 9.

You’re still at the easy ages for sports and activities. It’ll be much harder when your kids are 7, 11 and 14 if you allow them to continue playing sports or participate in extra curriculars. There will be more practices, more games and more conflicts.

I have 3 and the easiest time to be a two parent working family was when all of them were 9 and under. Sure we were tired and the days were long, but it was doable. The youngest didn’t have any commitments and the older two were minimal. Day care/school/after care covered most of the needs and then we’d have maybe one evening activity.

Now the 3 are active tweens/early teens. They all are in a sport now, but the practices/games are 4x a week, at different times and places. We don’t have any local family or paid help and even though I have a flexible schedule, I lean heavily on carpools and other families to get them to their activities.

I am curious if PP has girls. We have three boys, now 12, 13, and 15. There is more driving and carpooling so the schedule can look and feel hectic but for me it feels easier than the younger years when they were constantly getting into something, making messes, and less self-sufficient. The 24/7 management of them was actually more time-consuming and draining than all the driving around. Now, they are in charge of dishes and keeping their rooms clean, and importantly, they are much less naturally destructive than they once were.

I’m the above poster and have a mix of girls and boys. My tolerance was higher for little kid messes, so messy projects, toys out, etc didn’t bother me much. We also had time to clean it up together. You are right that there are a lot less of those messes now and they are responsible for cleaning them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible. I have leaned way in after my first was born. My husband and I both have no ability to WFH. They are long days but make it work by utilizing every minute and being highly efficient. We use aftercare at school and cook easy meals. Kids play one sport per season (if at all).

Kids are 2,6 and 9.

You’re still at the easy ages for sports and activities. It’ll be much harder when your kids are 7, 11 and 14 if you allow them to continue playing sports or participate in extra curriculars. There will be more practices, more games and more conflicts.

I have 3 and the easiest time to be a two parent working family was when all of them were 9 and under. Sure we were tired and the days were long, but it was doable. The youngest didn’t have any commitments and the older two were minimal. Day care/school/after care covered most of the needs and then we’d have maybe one evening activity.

Now the 3 are active tweens/early teens. They all are in a sport now, but the practices/games are 4x a week, at different times and places. We don’t have any local family or paid help and even though I have a flexible schedule, I lean heavily on carpools and other families to get them to their activities.

You realize you chose the sports. That is not a priority for every family or even wanted by the kids. I have kids in the same age brackets and this is nothing like our schedule. However, they’re still happy, active and have a large friend group.

Not PP but my 3 are dedicated to sports and it’s what they love. OP needs to know the reality of this type of after school calendar because not every kid is like yours, and she isn’t going to know in advance what she gets.

I am the PP, and it’s this exactly. Mine like to be active and be dedicated to their sport. It’s started as 1 sport a season and basically still is. It’s just now x3.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Curious if you feel that age gap makes a difference? My first two are four years apart and we started young enough to have a similar age gap with our third. So like 3 kids 4 or so years apart. In theory that would spread out the activities since one would be in college when the others are in middle school. Anyway it sounds tough, we are leaning towards just being done but wish we could make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Curious if you feel that age gap makes a difference? My first two are four years apart and we started young enough to have a similar age gap with our third. So like 3 kids 4 or so years apart. In theory that would spread out the activities since one would be in college when the others are in middle school. Anyway it sounds tough, we are leaning towards just being done but wish we could make it work.

It has its pros and cons.

Why wouldn’t you have nanny help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Curious if you feel that age gap makes a difference? My first two are four years apart and we started young enough to have a similar age gap with our third. So like 3 kids 4 or so years apart. In theory that would spread out the activities since one would be in college when the others are in middle school. Anyway it sounds tough, we are leaning towards just being done but wish we could make it work.

I posted most recently at 7:53 and at this stage in life it would help to have more spacing. With 8 years between your oldest and youngest, the youngest’s activities probably won’t get as involved until the oldest can drive. But, you can’t predict the future. Your kids may decide they’re not interested or be in a private school with ample ec opportunities. One spouse may have a job change or decide to scale back, etc.

Mine are in quick succession which makes everything at once. We got a “late” start and it’s just how things worked out. I wouldn’t have based whether to have a third on what future schedules may look. It’s a good thing we didn’t because like our current life situation is way different than it was 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

You can if you outsource caring for your little ones…

[Anonymous]

Of course you can. The question is should you? And I say no. You'll never have enough time and attention to give to your kids. Time and attention matters a lot more than money, in my opinion. Sure, you can afford a nanny or au pair to live w/ you and help but that's not the same as a parent. Sure, lots of happy and successful people were practically raised by their nannies or grandparents or in day care. Does that make it a good choice? I don't think so. Kids need their parents, in my opinion. And as a parent I'd never want to outsource so much of the care my kids need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Curious if you feel that age gap makes a difference? My first two are four years apart and we started young enough to have a similar age gap with our third. So like 3 kids 4 or so years apart. In theory that would spread out the activities since one would be in college when the others are in middle school. Anyway it sounds tough, we are leaning towards just being done but wish we could make it work.

The only way to make it work is to have a nanny or two. In ms and hs each child could have 1-2 activities a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids and two high stress jobs. For us, the key is having school, day care, work, activities all close to home and truly partnering together to juggle things. We keep our weekends and evenings as simple as possible. Our kids have early bed times and we can finish work and hang out with each other after 8 pm.

How old are your kids? This could work til they're about 7-8 but after that for most families the weekends will be packed w/ activities and play dates and bday parties etc. and the kids won't go to bed at 8pm forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids and two high stress jobs. For us, the key is having school, day care, work, activities all close to home and truly partnering together to juggle things. We keep our weekends and evenings as simple as possible. Our kids have early bed times and we can finish work and hang out with each other after 8 pm.

How old are your kids? This could work til they're about 7-8 but after that for most families the weekends will be packed w/ activities and play dates and bday parties etc. and the kids won't go to bed at 8pm forever.

No is a complete sentence. I have older kids (late tween and Teen) and we say no to birthday parties and play dates. The kids have lots of friends. You don’t have to pack weekends/ weeknights with practices and games. We value time with our kids (who love to play sports!) but they know we do one sport a kid now. One plays basketball, our DD plays golf and our youngest prefers to be involved in theater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible. I have leaned way in after my first was born. My husband and I both have no ability to WFH. They are long days but make it work by utilizing every minute and being highly efficient. We use aftercare at school and cook easy meals. Kids play one sport per season (if at all).

Kids are 2,6 and 9.

You’re still at the easy ages for sports and activities. It’ll be much harder when your kids are 7, 11 and 14 if you allow them to continue playing sports or participate in extra curriculars. There will be more practices, more games and more conflicts.

I have 3 and the easiest time to be a two parent working family was when all of them were 9 and under. Sure we were tired and the days were long, but it was doable. The youngest didn’t have any commitments and the older two were minimal. Day care/school/after care covered most of the needs and then we’d have maybe one evening activity.

Now the 3 are active tweens/early teens. They all are in a sport now, but the practices/games are 4x a week, at different times and places. We don’t have any local family or paid help and even though I have a flexible schedule, I lean heavily on carpools and other families to get them to their activities.

You realize you chose the sports. That is not a priority for every family or even wanted by the kids. I have kids in the same age brackets and this is nothing like our schedule. However, they’re still happy, active and have a large friend group.

DP. Yes and no to this. As kids grow to express their interests it becomes a balancing act between parental, familial and child self-actualization. We have 7, 11 and 13. They too go to private schools that will permit them to sample a broad range of ECs.

Our 13 year old was recently asked to amp up his commitment to his school team. He went to his club coach and explained he couldn’t handle all the club and school practices now. In his words it was too much for him. Club coach was understanding and hasn’t “punished” him for it. Very easy for us to handle this schedule.

Our 7 year old is somewhat of a homebody so far preferring to work on music and arts and crafts at home even after sampling a variety of sports. Very easy for us to handle this schedule.

Our 11 year old is the “problem”. He goes to an intense, academically rigorous school. Because of its smaller nature and a student body that trends toward nerdy, he’s able to contribute to whatever team he wants to play on. He’s also on the tournament team for his dedicated club sport that comes with an intense time commitment. When he started at his school he came to us and proposed that as long as he was on the second highest honor roll or above, he could do as many sports as he wanted. We explained we would not sacrifice religious observances, family events or reschedule family vacations around sports but otherwise agreed. This weekend he had three basketball games, two soccer games and a baseball game.

He’s an energizer bunny. If it involves a ball and keeping score, he’ll do it. Most days he gets in the car with his school backpack and two different sports bags for after school practices.

Do we love it? No. But in a world where kids don’t seem to socialize outside as much and where the alternative appears to mean (a) preventing him from doing what he loves and/or (b) socializing around screens, we’ll spend our time in the stands and driving all over the place. My sense is that if he was not this busy he would drive the rest of us crazy. Not for nothing, he’s developed excellent time management skills and has gotten good at coordinating his own schedule.

[Anonymous]

Get a nanny and good to go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids and two high stress jobs. For us, the key is having school, day care, work, activities all close to home and truly partnering together to juggle things. We keep our weekends and evenings as simple as possible. Our kids have early bed times and we can finish work and hang out with each other after 8 pm.

How old are your kids? This could work til they're about 7-8 but after that for most families the weekends will be packed w/ activities and play dates and bday parties etc. and the kids won't go to bed at 8pm forever.

No is a complete sentence. I have older kids (late tween and Teen) and we say no to birthday parties and play dates. The kids have lots of friends. You don’t have to pack weekends/ weeknights with practices and games. We value time with our kids (who love to play sports!) but they know we do one sport a kid now. One plays basketball, our DD plays golf and our youngest prefers to be involved in theater.

You don't let your kids go to birthday parties or have any friends over? Also, I "only" have 2 kids and they "only" do one activity each but by the time kids get to middle school if they are any good at their activity, it gets pretty time consuming. There is no way for my children do their chosen activity at their level and have it be less time consuming than it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids and two high stress jobs. For us, the key is having school, day care, work, activities all close to home and truly partnering together to juggle things. We keep our weekends and evenings as simple as possible. Our kids have early bed times and we can finish work and hang out with each other after 8 pm.

How old are your kids? This could work til they're about 7-8 but after that for most families the weekends will be packed w/ activities and play dates and bday parties etc. and the kids won't go to bed at 8pm forever.

No is a complete sentence. I have older kids (late tween and Teen) and we say no to birthday parties and play dates. The kids have lots of friends. You don’t have to pack weekends/ weeknights with practices and games. We value time with our kids (who love to play sports!) but they know we do one sport a kid now. One plays basketball, our DD plays golf and our youngest prefers to be involved in theater.

You don't let your kids go to birthday parties or have any friends over? Also, I "only" have 2 kids and they "only" do one activity each but by the time kids get to middle school if they are any good at their activity, it gets pretty time consuming. There is no way for my children do their chosen activity at their level and have it be less time consuming than it is.

I guess I’m lucky my children are unremarkable.