Truthfully, can you both have careers and have 3+ kids?
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Anonymous
| ACB has 7 kids. I think you can manage 3. |
Anonymous
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I don't why you wouldn't want a nanny if you can pay for one. We are not rich and only have two kids and we had a nanny when they were little. It was not all that much more expensive than daycare and a hell of a lot more convenient when they were 0 and under 2 til about 2 and 4.
Some people wear not having that kind of help like a badge of honor. There is nothing wrong with throwing money at making life easier for yourself. That is part of what the money is for! To answer your actual question, yes this is totally possible, especially with two high earners. The key is using the money for extra hands. If you want practical tips I always recommend the Best of Both Worlds podcast. It's kind of old at this point and their newer posts aren't as helpful for your situation so try starting toward the beginning. One of the hosts, Laura Vanderkam, has a book called "I know how she does it" that is also a good starting place. Congrats on your new baby! |
Anonymous
| We got a nanny after the 2nd was born until they started preschool. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, I don't think so. We have three, I have a big career, and my husband had to take a step back after we had baby #3 to pull up the slack. He still works, but is fully remote, and has lots of flexibility.
We've never had help (beyond daycare), and it's been hard! But I think if you want to actually have time with your kids and support their academic and social development, it's pretty difficult to do if you're both working in inflexible careers. As the working mom, the levels of anxiety I have over whether I'm doing enough for my kids and family are pretty high. |
Anonymous
It also depends on what you think a successful parent-child relationship looks like. Honestly, it's not so hard with three young kids, especially if they're in the same daycare. It's when they're older, playing multiple sports, and out of school in the summer that life becomes hard. Add in random teacher work-day/half-days, etc. You really have to spend time building relationships with parents of other kids, and learn the very delicate balance of leaning on stay-at-home parents in emergency situations/carpools. |
Anonymous
| Someone close to me (a mom) raised three kids while working 6-7 days a week (including lots of late nights and weekend commitments) as an elected official for over 20 years--no nanny and no housekeeper. The kids are all young adults now. What helped was a supportive DH who had a job with regular hours (no overtime or need to bring work home) and who was able to pick up the slack. It can be done but only people in that situation can answer whether it was worth it. |
Anonymous
| I have friends that do and they make it happen! |
Anonymous
| The people I know who managed it used a combination of nannies, family help, and/or one went part time for 5-10 years when it just didn’t work. |
Anonymous
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This is very common in my circles. My own sister has three teenage kids and she and her husband have two very successful careers.
She has a housekeeper who lives with them during the week and handles the cooking, cleaning and chores. Our parents live locally and fill in the gaps when needed to take kids to doctors appointments. When the kids were young, she had a nanny instead of a housekeeper. Their nanny didn’t drive, so the trade offs with two busy working parents were that their kids activities were primarily on weekends or at school, after school. Her kids are 13-19 now and are really lovely kids. Many of the three kid families I know are two career households. I’m pregnant with my third and my husband and I both work full time |
Anonymous
You should get yourself some help! My family was like yours growing up- dad worked long hours in big law, my mom had a more flexible career but worked very hard, and there were 4 of us kids. My mom has always been a martyr and never had enough help despite being able to afford it. She had a babysitter helping out when we were little but that stopped once the youngest was in preschool, and we had a cleaning person who came twice a week. Get yourself some extra help around the house! |
Anonymous
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No, you will sacrifice in either your career or attention to the kids. If you consider a nanny, then it would be feasible.
I have 3, and downsized my career in order to have the time for my kids. As kids get to tweens, they do need your attention and time, not less. Connection matters. |
Anonymous
| Op here how would you suggest utilizing a nanny? We find daycare to have more hours and fit our personalities more (not having to deal with an employee and overtime). We’ve also had friends with bad experiences with nannies. We’d be open to a house keeper though. |
Anonymous
untimely once your kids are past the daycare years, having a driving nanny is helpful to shuttle the kids to after school activities or host/arrange play dates. They are also responsible for things like the kids school lunches, laundry, and picking up after the kids - but those specific tasks could alternatively be done by a full time housekeeper if you keep daycare. |
Anonymous
| How about an au pair? We are two big career ppl with an au pair. Recognize with infants you may want a nanny. Nanny makes your life easier - can help wtih morning/after school, can help prep dinner and do laundry. Daycare you can't do that. |
Anonymous
| Time and attention are finite. You can’t add more hours to the day or years to your life. |