Truthfully, can you both have careers and have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I agree with this. 3 kid families are very normal in my UMC circle. 3-4 kid families were very typical in the UMC community I was raised in. Very tight knit families. I’m in a suburb of NYC - HCOL and academically competitive. I assure you the kids are well parented and most families have two working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

The argument that someone wants to actually spend time with their kids versus spending all their time working and then rushing home from work to shuttle kids to activities is dumb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

My "argument" is not an argument. It's an explanation of what kind of lifestyle I want. I do not want the always stressed out running around from one thing to the next lifestyle. I have 2 kids in upper elementary. They do not play travel sports (that would change everything and I'm glad that they do not want to do that. If they wanted to play at that level, we would allow it but it would be a major change.) I didn't say dinner together every night...I think of it more like is family dinner a goal for you? If it is, maybe don't have 3 kids because it'll be harder to achieve that goal the more kids you have as they get older.

And why are you telling me to go away and that I "don't belong in this forum?" Only people w/ 3 kids belong in this forum? Only people who want the hectic lifestyle belong? I suspect you react so strongly to my post because you see in it that not everyone is "super busy and stressed" just because they have kids and careers. That it is in fact possible to have a more relaxed, enjoyable lifestyle where you actually have conversations w/ each other and are not always rushing from one thing to the next. I suspect you seem so hostile toward me because there is some part of you that is unfulfilled w/ your go-go-go always busy life.

3 kid parent here. We have dinner together most nights despite having an activity almost every night. You ever seen that meme about sports parents having dinner at either 4:30 or 9? That's us (except it's more like 8 or 8:30). It works fine for us - it might not for you and that's OK. Just don't tell someone they can't have family dinner with 3 kids in activities because it's not true. There are ways, as long as you're willing to make them work.

For us it helps that DH is on an early schedule most nights and I have flexible hours and don't work quite full time. But even for you with a DH getting home at 7:30 the 9 pm dinner slot is open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I agree with this. 3 kid families are very normal in my UMC circle. 3-4 kid families were very typical in the UMC community I was raised in. Very tight knit families. I’m in a suburb of NYC - HCOL and academically competitive. I assure you the kids are well parented and most families have two working parents.

I also bet they have family help or a nanny. OP’s husband has a demanding job. She is a physician. And they want to pull this off without a nanny or family help. I don’t know anyone personally with those types of jobs and 3 kids who don’t rely on quality help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I agree with this. 3 kid families are very normal in my UMC circle. 3-4 kid families were very typical in the UMC community I was raised in. Very tight knit families. I’m in a suburb of NYC - HCOL and academically competitive. I assure you the kids are well parented and most families have two working parents.

You have no way of knowing this unless you are actually IN their family and see it first hand. Why don't you just wait until the kids are grown and ask them how well they were parented. The kids' point of view on this is often much different than the parents' point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I am PP writing from my lived experience as a kid who grew up one of 3 kids. My parents both worked demanding jobs. They are not emotionally close to me or my siblings as adults because they never did have enough time for us when we were kids. They didn't give us enough attention. We were always treated as a pack of kids, not as individuals. I'm not saying every family w/ 3 kids and 2 working parents is the same, of course. But it is just practically speaking a lot harder to spend time and give attention to your kids the more kids you have, especially when you and your spouse are also working a demanding job. It just is a practical matter. Time is finite. There is no practical way that a parent w/ 3 kids can give each kid as much attention as a parent w/ 2 or 1 kids can. So, I'm not saying you personally won't be able to "know your kids" just because you have 3. But it is a lot less likely that each kid will get the attention they need the more kids you have and that is nothing personal against you it's just a fact.

I wish my parents had scaled back their careers and had more time for me as a kid. I wish I had a close relationship w/ them. I wish I felt seen and heard and understood in my family growing up. But that was not their priority. Their priority was working first, family unit second, individual kids last/never.

Op here. This is very true. My husband is one of four and they were treated like a “pack”. I was one of two and I was really able to know my mom and had individual time. The thing that gives me pause is just how much support my husband gets from his siblings as an adult. The sibling relationship lasts longer than any other relationship. I struggle with wanting to give my kids a larger support network as adults vs providing individual parental attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

My "argument" is not an argument. It's an explanation of what kind of lifestyle I want. I do not want the always stressed out running around from one thing to the next lifestyle. I have 2 kids in upper elementary. They do not play travel sports (that would change everything and I'm glad that they do not want to do that. If they wanted to play at that level, we would allow it but it would be a major change.) I didn't say dinner together every night...I think of it more like is family dinner a goal for you? If it is, maybe don't have 3 kids because it'll be harder to achieve that goal the more kids you have as they get older.

And why are you telling me to go away and that I "don't belong in this forum?" Only people w/ 3 kids belong in this forum? Only people who want the hectic lifestyle belong? I suspect you react so strongly to my post because you see in it that not everyone is "super busy and stressed" just because they have kids and careers. That it is in fact possible to have a more relaxed, enjoyable lifestyle where you actually have conversations w/ each other and are not always rushing from one thing to the next. I suspect you seem so hostile toward me because there is some part of you that is unfulfilled w/ your go-go-go always busy life.

3 kid parent here. We have dinner together most nights despite having an activity almost every night. You ever seen that meme about sports parents having dinner at either 4:30 or 9? That's us (except it's more like 8 or 8:30). It works fine for us - it might not for you and that's OK. Just don't tell someone they can't have family dinner with 3 kids in activities because it's not true. There are ways, as long as you're willing to make them work.

For us it helps that DH is on an early schedule most nights and I have flexible hours and don't work quite full time. But even for you with a DH getting home at 7:30 the 9 pm dinner slot is open.

I did not say they can't do it. I said it is a lot harder. Learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

The argument that someone wants to actually spend time with their kids versus spending all their time working and then rushing home from work to shuttle kids to activities is dumb?

DP and the argument is silly because it assumes you can't spend time with your kids if they do activities. Any parent of 3 with kids in activities knows that's just not true. Last night I had a quality 50 minutes with my youngest in the car chit-chatting about her day on her way to and from a game. When we got home I caught up with my oldest (whose old enough to stay by herself and was working on homework). Yes I had less time with my middle, but that evens out time earlier in the week when I was bringing her home from something and we were talking.

I wouldn't tell you to go away like PP did, but you're making an awful lot of incorrect assumptions about us 3 kid parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I am PP writing from my lived experience as a kid who grew up one of 3 kids. My parents both worked demanding jobs. They are not emotionally close to me or my siblings as adults because they never did have enough time for us when we were kids. They didn't give us enough attention. We were always treated as a pack of kids, not as individuals. I'm not saying every family w/ 3 kids and 2 working parents is the same, of course. But it is just practically speaking a lot harder to spend time and give attention to your kids the more kids you have, especially when you and your spouse are also working a demanding job. It just is a practical matter. Time is finite. There is no practical way that a parent w/ 3 kids can give each kid as much attention as a parent w/ 2 or 1 kids can. So, I'm not saying you personally won't be able to "know your kids" just because you have 3. But it is a lot less likely that each kid will get the attention they need the more kids you have and that is nothing personal against you it's just a fact.

I wish my parents had scaled back their careers and had more time for me as a kid. I wish I had a close relationship w/ them. I wish I felt seen and heard and understood in my family growing up. But that was not their priority. Their priority was working first, family unit second, individual kids last/never.

Op here. This is very true. My husband is one of four and they were treated like a “pack”. I was one of two and I was really able to know my mom and had individual time. The thing that gives me pause is just how much support my husband gets from his siblings as an adult. The sibling relationship lasts longer than any other relationship. I struggle with wanting to give my kids a larger support network as adults vs providing individual parental attention.

I thought that studies show you have to have 4 for them to be a pack. In fact that's why parents of 3 are the most stressed - because it's not enough kids for a pack and you still try and do as much with each kid as if there were 2 or 1. When you have 4+ you get the pack effect and parents chill out and the stress level in the house goes down.

https://www.today.com/parents/mom-survey-says-three-most-stressful-number-kids-t127551

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I am PP writing from my lived experience as a kid who grew up one of 3 kids. My parents both worked demanding jobs. They are not emotionally close to me or my siblings as adults because they never did have enough time for us when we were kids. They didn't give us enough attention. We were always treated as a pack of kids, not as individuals. I'm not saying every family w/ 3 kids and 2 working parents is the same, of course. But it is just practically speaking a lot harder to spend time and give attention to your kids the more kids you have, especially when you and your spouse are also working a demanding job. It just is a practical matter. Time is finite. There is no practical way that a parent w/ 3 kids can give each kid as much attention as a parent w/ 2 or 1 kids can. So, I'm not saying you personally won't be able to "know your kids" just because you have 3. But it is a lot less likely that each kid will get the attention they need the more kids you have and that is nothing personal against you it's just a fact.

I wish my parents had scaled back their careers and had more time for me as a kid. I wish I had a close relationship w/ them. I wish I felt seen and heard and understood in my family growing up. But that was not their priority. Their priority was working first, family unit second, individual kids last/never.

Op here. This is very true. My husband is one of four and they were treated like a “pack”. I was one of two and I was really able to know my mom and had individual time. The thing that gives me pause is just how much support my husband gets from his siblings as an adult. The sibling relationship lasts longer than any other relationship. I struggle with wanting to give my kids a larger support network as adults vs providing individual parental attention.

I truly understand this. I have 2 kids and sometimes really wish we had more so they could potentially have more lifelong relationships and support from siblings as they get older. However, more and more I see in families I know as well as my own family that this is in no way a given. In the past 3 years our close friends have had: falling outs/estrangements from siblings, a sibling who got diagnosed w/ a severe mental illness, siblings who have checked out and distanced themselves when in the thick of elder care for aging parents, siblings fighting over estates when parents die. You don't know what the future holds. Having more kids is in no way a guarantee that your kids will be close or be supportive people to each other later on. They might fight from day 1, they might grow up close but then have a falling out, you just can't count on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

The argument that someone wants to actually spend time with their kids versus spending all their time working and then rushing home from work to shuttle kids to activities is dumb?

DP and the argument is silly because it assumes you can't spend time with your kids if they do activities. Any parent of 3 with kids in activities knows that's just not true. Last night I had a quality 50 minutes with my youngest in the car chit-chatting about her day on her way to and from a game. When we got home I caught up with my oldest (whose old enough to stay by herself and was working on homework). Yes I had less time with my middle, but that evens out time earlier in the week when I was bringing her home from something and we were talking.

I wouldn't tell you to go away like PP did, but you're making an awful lot of incorrect assumptions about us 3 kid parents.

Again, they're not assumptions. They're anecdotes from my own lived experience as one of 3 kids. I didn't say it's impossible to spend quality time w/ each kid. I said it's a lot harder the more kids you have. Still you want to argue with that because you're very defensive and need to prove to yourself that you do indeed have enough time and give enough attention to each kid. That's fine and I'm sure you're doing your best. But it's still not, and can never be, as much time/attention you could have for each kid if you had 1-2 kids. It's just not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I am PP writing from my lived experience as a kid who grew up one of 3 kids. My parents both worked demanding jobs. They are not emotionally close to me or my siblings as adults because they never did have enough time for us when we were kids. They didn't give us enough attention. We were always treated as a pack of kids, not as individuals. I'm not saying every family w/ 3 kids and 2 working parents is the same, of course. But it is just practically speaking a lot harder to spend time and give attention to your kids the more kids you have, especially when you and your spouse are also working a demanding job. It just is a practical matter. Time is finite. There is no practical way that a parent w/ 3 kids can give each kid as much attention as a parent w/ 2 or 1 kids can. So, I'm not saying you personally won't be able to "know your kids" just because you have 3. But it is a lot less likely that each kid will get the attention they need the more kids you have and that is nothing personal against you it's just a fact.

I wish my parents had scaled back their careers and had more time for me as a kid. I wish I had a close relationship w/ them. I wish I felt seen and heard and understood in my family growing up. But that was not their priority. Their priority was working first, family unit second, individual kids last/never.

Op here. This is very true. My husband is one of four and they were treated like a “pack”. I was one of two and I was really able to know my mom and had individual time. The thing that gives me pause is just how much support my husband gets from his siblings as an adult. The sibling relationship lasts longer than any other relationship. I struggle with wanting to give my kids a larger support network as adults vs providing individual parental attention.

I thought that studies show you have to have 4 for them to be a pack. In fact that's why parents of 3 are the most stressed - because it's not enough kids for a pack and you still try and do as much with each kid as if there were 2 or 1. When you have 4+ you get the pack effect and parents chill out and the stress level in the house goes down.

https://www.today.com/parents/mom-survey-says-three-most-stressful-number-kids-t127551

Oh studies say that? So that invalidates anyone's actual experience. The matter is settled. A study from today.com concludes the discussion. /s

[Anonymous]

Can you do it? Yes! Hire some help to make things a lot easier on you but yes, it can be done.

Should you do it? No! Your kids need you--their parents. They will have less of you the more kids you have. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.

I agree with this. 3 kid families are very normal in my UMC circle. 3-4 kid families were very typical in the UMC community I was raised in. Very tight knit families. I’m in a suburb of NYC - HCOL and academically competitive. I assure you the kids are well parented and most families have two working parents.

You have no way of knowing this unless you are actually IN their family and see it first hand. Why don't you just wait until the kids are grown and ask them how well they were parented. The kids' point of view on this is often much different than the parents' point of view.

Pp here. I grew up similarly. All of my close friends are from families with 3+ kids. All are close with their parents. Some are closer with some siblings than others. All of us went to top colleges and have careers and families now. Many are choosing to stick with two kids primarily because we started having kids later than our parents did, and because of our careers dont want to have three kids in five years. It really depends on your circle, but just because three kids would be too hard for you doesn’t mean it’s too hard for everyone.

OP would definitely need a nanny though - most working parents need childcare. No shame in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.

The argument that someone wants to actually spend time with their kids versus spending all their time working and then rushing home from work to shuttle kids to activities is dumb?

DP and the argument is silly because it assumes you can't spend time with your kids if they do activities. Any parent of 3 with kids in activities knows that's just not true. Last night I had a quality 50 minutes with my youngest in the car chit-chatting about her day on her way to and from a game. When we got home I caught up with my oldest (whose old enough to stay by herself and was working on homework). Yes I had less time with my middle, but that evens out time earlier in the week when I was bringing her home from something and we were talking.

I wouldn't tell you to go away like PP did, but you're making an awful lot of incorrect assumptions about us 3 kid parents.

Again, they're not assumptions. They're anecdotes from my own lived experience as one of 3 kids. I didn't say it's impossible to spend quality time w/ each kid. I said it's a lot harder the more kids you have. Still you want to argue with that because you're very defensive and need to prove to yourself that you do indeed have enough time and give enough attention to each kid. That's fine and I'm sure you're doing your best. But it's still not, and can never be, as much time/attention you could have for each kid if you had 1-2 kids. It's just not.

I've only responded to you on this topic once, so you're conflating me with someone else. I actually am very comfortable with how well I know my kids, and I'm glad you feel the same about your relationship with your own kids.