Andover or Exter or St. Pauls

[Anonymous]

All I can say is that my brother developed a life-long drug habit at Lawrenceville.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For those who went to prep school, I was wondering what you guys thought of the response I head from the AD regarding misbehavior at boarding schools. They claim that in contrast with public schools, students are much more regulated than kids who live at home. They are forced to check-in by a certain time each evening; do not have cars and cannot drive all over an urban city; are not permitted to leave campus except with permission; after 8 pm have to be in their dorms or the library or another academic facility; and are required to check in with faculty every evening. They have to also submit to frequent and regular room inspections and get permission to have anyone of the opposite sex enter their room. They are not allowed to sleep in any room other than their own. Also, in contrast with kids at home who usually know when their parents will be home and not, or working or not, house counselors are always on duty every night and every weekend. The dorms are also patrolled by school security officers as well.

In contrast, high school kids in public school can drive all over the place; leave campus and home at will throughout the day and weekend; and roam freely until an agreed on time with parents. Also, the AD pointed out that in contrast with DC, Andover, Exeter and St Paul are all locate din extremely isolated rural areas and students are not exposed to the plethora of temptations available in a city. Furthermore, she said that finding narcotics or people willing to sell alcohol to minors in these small rural villages (i.e., Andover, Mass., Exeter, NH and Concord, NH) are not as easy as some may imagine and, certainly, harder than Washington DC.

Which AD did you talk with, OP? Do tell. You seem to be suggesting that one AD commented on the policies of all three schools. Hard to believe that one AD would feel that they could authoritatively discuss policies and conditions at schools other than their own.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

That certainly was my experience in boarding school from daily chapel, mandatory sit down meals, study halls, mandatory participation in sports all three seasons/terms and half day of classes Saturday morning there wasn't much by way of free time for idle minds and hands. The days were full and the academic and intellectual life was intensely stimulating and fun in and outside of classroom. No cars, alcohol or drugs allowed on campus. In fact, the faculty and their families were close knit with the students from the classrooms, and chapel, and dining hall, to the playing fields, debate and dramatic clubs they were really our surrogate parents who lived with the students on a rural, bucolic campus.

[Anonymous]

...from the other boarding school in the same town as Lawrenceville.

[Anonymous]

don't think that inspections turn up drugs/alcohol. MANyof the boarders go home/go to boston or NYC for the weekend and bring back what they want. Don't forget the interaction with day students who may also have drug/alcohol access. You cab say where do high school students anywhere find this stuff? When there is a will, there is a way, and boarding schools have rampant drinking and drug issues (just like any other high school). Don't send you kid there thinking they will be sheltered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For those who went to prep school, I was wondering what you guys thought of the response I head from the AD regarding misbehavior at boarding schools. They claim that in contrast with public schools, students are much more regulated than kids who live at home. They are forced to check-in by a certain time each evening; do not have cars and cannot drive all over an urban city; are not permitted to leave campus except with permission; after 8 pm have to be in their dorms or the library or another academic facility; and are required to check in with faculty every evening. They have to also submit to frequent and regular room inspections and get permission to have anyone of the opposite sex enter their room. They are not allowed to sleep in any room other than their own. Also, in contrast with kids at home who usually know when their parents will be home and not, or working or not, house counselors are always on duty every night and every weekend. The dorms are also patrolled by school security officers as well.

In contrast, high school kids in public school can drive all over the place; leave campus and home at will throughout the day and weekend; and roam freely until an agreed on time with parents. Also, the AD pointed out that in contrast with DC, Andover, Exeter and St Paul are all locate din extremely isolated rural areas and students are not exposed to the plethora of temptations available in a city. Furthermore, she said that finding narcotics or people willing to sell alcohol to minors in these small rural villages (i.e., Andover, Mass., Exeter, NH and Concord, NH) are not as easy as some may imagine and, certainly, harder than Washington DC.

Thoughts?

I can't speaking to the boarding school aspect of this, but Concord, NH is certainly not a rural village and there is certainly plenty of opportunity to buy drugs and/or alcohol in this area - I grew up about 30 minutes from Concord. It is the capital of NH and has its share of nice and seedy areas, so I am certain if kids wanted to find drugs they could. That said, we used to play St. Pauls in softball when I was in high school and I remember them as one of the nicest group of kids we ever played. I even remember that after the games they would bring out sodas, juices, etc for all of us, which was really nice.

[Anonymous]

I have also watched this debate with great interest. Its great people can have a reasoned discussion without going nuts. But, the contention that drug use and alcohol is "rampant" is, in my opinion, an exaggeration. I attended Andover in the 1990s. Id say ten to 15 percent used drugs or drank on a regular basis. I know this may not be a low figure but 85 percent (i.e., the vast majority) did not. The majority of kids at Andover were just incredibly bookish nerds--not the usual candidates or suspects for drug use. The most common evening activities on cold weekend nights was ordering pizza and renting movies or going to a formal dinner at one of the faculty member's homes. It was possible to get drugs but not easy. I challenge any of you to go to the middle of Andover, Massachusetts, and try to find a drug dealer lurking behind the village ice cream shop. This is fantasy. It does not exist. The only way you could get drugs was if some kid brought it back from home after Xmas vacation or spring break. But, the stash was usually all exhausted by midterm. Or, alternatively, one of his or her friends visited from home. My point is that, from my perspective, the kids back home had a much more easy time getting drugs and alcohol. They had cars; they could leave their campusus whenever they wanted; they had older sibs who would give it to them; they would have friends or former schoolmates at Georgetown and UVA who would gt it for them; they would go to the dozens of places in DC and College Park that dont give a hoot whether an id looks fake or not. In contrast, we were watched like hawks at Andover--constant room inspections, check-ins, sign-ins, mandatory meetings, faculty who actually live on campus, an armed corps of security officers lead by a former green beret colonel and decorated Vietnam War vet (very cool guy I must admit), and tons of homework. Most of all the main reason we did not want to get caught with drugs or alcohol was that we knew it would mean getting expelled immediately. And, for all parents, the thought of losing $30,000 of tuition because your kid smoked some weed is not a fun prospect. Everyone knew our parents would go donky kong mad on us if we ever managed to get ourselves expelled.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I both went to Exeter in the mid/late 1990s. Academically I had a tremendous experience there and the resources of the school are unparalleled. Would I send my own kid there, or to any boarding school? No way. Unless you live in a region without any decent local school options, public or private (and there were some kids I know for whom this applied), I do not believe there is any good reason to send a teenager away from home at this age. The years are so formative, and no matter how you count the months spent at boarding school once you start, you're away from home. Socially it's hard, and I think forces many kids to grow up too fast.

I know that for me, if anything, I would look to cut back on my work hours when my child is a teenager, to spend more time with him when he gets home from school, to connect, to be there for him as he goes through adolescence.

[Anonymous]

After reading all the posts here, Im really interested in learning more about Andover and Exeter. It sounds like they are, at least, woth a very serious look. To tell you the truth, I never really thought about it that much before but this discussion has really been quite enlightening. Thanks, especially, to all the former Andover and Exeter alum for their candid but fair impressions of their experiences!

[Anonymous]

I lived in Saudi Arabia in the 90s when the American school ended in the 9th grade (the Saudis didn't want American teenagers running around and American companies were making ridiculous amounts of money that they could throw on their employees) so you either went to boarding school or switched to a British curriculum school and finished the remainder of high school in S. Arabia. I switched to a British school and I ended up attending a lower tier Ivy League.
Here are the stats on where my friends attended and the colleges they attended thereafter. I'm not including grad schools to maintain some privacy.(Also, when I say how well they are doing, I'm talking about a combination of job (is it interesting work) and monetary earnings. Yes—somewhat shallow--but important for parents to know since it’s such a huge investment):

Exeter: 1 Harvard (job is pretty good)
1 Harvard (eeh)
1 Harvard (making obscene amounts of money)
1 Carnegie Mellon (loser)
1 Mid Tier liberal arts college (eeh)
1 Simmons College then switched to Georgetown midway (okay)
1 Boston University and then switched to University of Pennsylvania (College) no idea

Andover: 1 University of Virginia (eeh)

Deerfield: 1 University of Pennsylvania (Wharton Undergrad) is fine.
1 MIT (is fine)
1 Yale (not doing well)

Choate: 1 Harvard (just okay)

I asked my friends if they would consider sending their children to these boarding schools. Most of their parents had limited choice. The Choate person said yes, but the Exeter and Deerfield people said no. Their reason --too much underage drinking and drugs. So it’s important to take that into consideration especially if you are already attending an elite school in DC.

Another thing to take into consideration is the trend of top colleges to admit less and less from these elite privates. I think the valedictorian from Exeter is guaranteed a spot at Harvard, but it might be better to be the best at some lesser school than be middle of the pack in some of these elite high schools. I would hate to spend 4 years of tuition on Andover and have my kid end up at some state school. But the fact remains that Exeter does send a large amount of students to Harvard.

[Anonymous]

What does "eeh" mean?

[Anonymous]

I attended Exeter many years ago and though the opportunities that followed were amazing, there are lots of things to consider. Exeter is a much smaller town than Andover, and as such has much less diversity. Students are able to go into Boston after classes on Wed or Saturday (yes, there are classes on Saturdays), and now that the train actually stops in Exeter the hour long trip to the city is more accessible. All 3 have a wonderful school year abroad program that changed my life, but you do not have to attend a New England prep school to take advantage of that opportunity. It's a unique experience that I will alays remember, but I was never able to fit in at home again after attending school so far away from my family and early friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my sister went to traditional English boarding school. I honestly believe that it messeed her up. She felt detached from the rest of the family and became culturally diferent from us. I am not referring to the England thing, since my family is British. She just never fit in again.

As a third culture kid myself, I do not understand why this is a problem. True, in my family we speak different languages. My kids speak English, cousins do not.
And you could almost say that I am from a different culture. The reason is simple. My parents decided to move when I was in high school, without thinking about how it would impact the family. So when they decided to move back, I did not.
Yes it would be better for everyone to be of the same culture, but is that really essential? I cannot help but think there is some other problem in your family.
On the other hand, you had a wonderful chance to be part of another culture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my sister went to traditional English boarding school. I honestly believe that it messeed her up. She felt detached from the rest of the family and became culturally diferent from us. I am not referring to the England thing, since my family is British. She just never fit in again.

As a third culture kid myself, I do not understand why this is a problem. True, in my family we speak different languages. My kids speak English, cousins do not.
And you could almost say that I am from a different culture. The reason is simple. My parents decided to move when I was in high school, without thinking about how it would impact the family. So when they decided to move back, I did not.
Yes it would be better for everyone to be of the same culture, but is that really essential? I cannot help but think there is some other problem in your family.
On the other hand, you had a wonderful chance to be part of another culture

I just mean that it caused a distance between her and the other sibs.

[Anonymous]

So, I have a dumb question. Eveyone seems to be assuming that these schools--andover, exeter, etc -- are stronge academically than the privates we have here. Is that true? It sounds like many people think so but I was curious if someone could address the accuracy of this premise. Because if they are on a par, why send the kids away? I assume every parent wants their kids to stay at home and you only do this because these places are better, right? how else could they stay in business for over 200 years.