Andover or Exter or St. Pauls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to have to say that the biggest druggies I knew in college were from Andover and Exeter. And I knew quite a few.

I would never take what a school says as gospel. They have reps to protect - and lawsuits to guard against. It is fairly well-known that boarding schools have always had drug issues.

Buyer beware.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

I left a private school and went to an all girls boarding school in 11th grade. I abosultely loved it. It was smaller than where you are looking, but a rival of Miss Porters. I would not rule out single sex - it can be a great experience. I would talk to any families that are local - within the past 5 years. I think you can gain a lot from them. When I went to college I was pretty much over the 'newness' of the dorms, being away from home, etc. that all the others were discussing. I had been there done that. I think most of the people at the level of schools that you are looking at are legacy and old money families who want to maintain the legacy or have a goal for colleges. They will be able to travel into Boston or New York on open weekends and stay at friends apartments - sometimes without supervision. This is where it can be like being in college earlier as well. Depending on off-campus access to liquor stores, fake id's, etc. they will be able to get drugs and alchohol locally, or they will be bringing it in from nearby cities. I would not trade my experience at boarding school for anything. I made the best of friends and got a wonderful education. You are living in an academic setting around the clock. Its wonderfully unique.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So I think Im hearing pros and cons now but the principal cons seem to be about drugs, alcohol and sex. Which, I have to admit, is concerning. What Im wondering is whether its the prep school/boarding school environment and culture that incites this stuff in these kids or these kids would have done this even if they were home? I suppose that is a little metaphysical but that is what Im wondering.

Im pretty familiar with SFS now as well and I am certain there is some degree of these three teenage sins--drugs, sex and alcohol--that goes on here as well. As we all know, teenagers will be teenagers and their hormones will rage whether they are at SFS or Andover. What Im wondering is whether it is worse at some place like Andover? To tell you the truth, Im not sure it is. I have met several seniors at SFS and they are pretty darn precocious and "knowledgeable"--the stuff that comes out of their mouth is certainly not anything they learned at the weeky meeting for worship

[Anonymous]

OP - There is always a trade-off. The simple fact with boarding school is that no matter how well the school says it monitors, they will never be able to match the way parents parent their kids at home. Combine that with an affluent surrounding, no parents and 24/7 peer pressure, you can see how things can easily get out of hand.

I remember my shock in college at my boarding school friends who were much older than their years due to what they learned. What still sticks with me is how matter-of-fact they were about how to make drug pipes and bongs out of simple things like tampon casings.

I grew up in a home where my parents knew every single one of my friends and knew where I was every single minute. Never ever tempted to do drugs of any type - either in high school or college. You don't get that type of supervision at any of the very best boarding schools.

[Anonymous]

I think it is totally a supervision thing. Being able to go on your own into the city on weekends to stay with older friends/recent grads, spend a whole day sitting around outside liquor stores getting strangers to buy you alcohol, being able to have opposite sex friends over to your room: all of that stuff encourages early experimentation. It can also be a lot of fun and contributes to the intense bonding. In the "old days" (early 90's) Andover had very relaxed "parietals," the rules regarding boys and girls in each others' rooms. My impression was that Exeter was stricter. They each have their own culture. I think it was St. Pauls that had a policy of no locks on students' doors, which led to problems with hazing. I'm sure a lot of our experience is not out of date but I'm sure you could track down some recent students.

[Anonymous]

I posted above at 18:20. I meant that our experience IS out of date...

[Anonymous]

Just to play devil's advocate. I think a very good argument can be made that teachers at these boarding schools are better at detecing warning signs of troubled behavior than parents. As parents, we may have one, two or perhaps three kids. These house parents/counselors on the other hand have seen dozens if not hundreds of students come through their doors for decades. They know all the tricks and all the warning signs. I know, because I lived n a dorm at a prep school for 3 years. There was stuff that I could get by my parents no problem but would never hace dared doing it to Mr._________, he would have caught me for sure. Parents go into denial about their kids. They want to believe that their kids are good and decent people who dont lie; would never drink or do drugs; or ever have sex before marriage. Not so with house counselors. They can see through these kids in 2 seconds. Its the same reason physicians and attorneys are advised never to take on family members as clients. They lose their objectivity; their ability to analyze facts in a dispassionate, cold and logical manner. So, I agree with the theory that parental supervision is always best, in practice, I think this is not always the case.

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of friends and a sister who went to boarding school and the vast majority loved their experiences. As for the drugs/alcohol/sex issue - yes, a lot of boarding school kids did do drugs and drink (and I know several who were kicked out b/c of it) but at my private HS most of the kids did that stuff too. My point is, similar to the above poster's, is that don't think you can shelter your kids from these things just because they live at home.

[Anonymous]

I didn't go to boarding schools, but I think a lot of people are making really broad generalizations here because they are against boarding schools and think people who send their kids to them are terrible (check out recent forums on the WP article earlier this week about boarders locally at St. Albans & Madeira).

My brothers lived at home -- they got into all kinds of trouble -- I agree with the "devil's advocate" earlier poster who said teacher's might be better at detecting drug & alcohol behaviours than the parents.

If you want your kid to go to a boarding school -- don't let other people's biases stop you.

There was some terrible article in the WP this week about all of these druggies and drug-related deaths at some local public school. Those kids were out-of-control right under the watchful eyes of their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't go to boarding schools, but I think a lot of people are making really broad generalizations here because they are against boarding schools and think people who send their kids to them are terrible (check out recent forums on the WP article earlier this week about boarders locally at St. Albans & Madeira).

My brothers lived at home -- they got into all kinds of trouble -- I agree with the "devil's advocate" earlier poster who said teacher's might be better at detecting drug & alcohol behaviours than the parents.

If you want your kid to go to a boarding school -- don't let other people's biases stop you.

There was some terrible article in the WP this week about all of these druggies and drug-related deaths at some local public school. Those kids were out-of-control right under the watchful eyes of their parents.

Newsflash, people: a lot of dorm parents don't care what the students are up to. I went to a top NE boarding school where the hallways of some of the boys' dorms actually smelled of pot. And the hazing in the boys' dorms was out of control (that's a whole other subject). At least a quarter of the girls in my dorm were anorexic and/or bulimic and used the other girls with eating disorders as a bountiful source of info on best foods to binge on, best laxatives, how to hide food in your napkin, pockets, etc. The dorm mother couldn't have cared less. Her main interest was being a dorm parent so her kid could get free tuition.

Did I get a great education? Yes, absolutely. But the social climate was toxic. No one who has the option of sending their child to a wonderful local school (I didn't have that option) should ever consider boarding school. To repeat: I would never, EVER send my child to a boarding school.

[Anonymous]

You sound very bitter pp -- I think there is more to your story than you are letting on...parent's divorce or something like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very bitter pp -- I think there is more to your story than you are letting on...parent's divorce or something like that

No, you're wrong. Like I said in my post, I didn't have the option of going to a good local school (there was only a bad public and no privates). Going to boarding school, in educational terms, was actually the best choice for me. But I simply cannot fathom why anyone with a great local public or private school would send their child away to a boarding school. The DC area has a host of wonderful schools, public and private. Anyone who doesn't recognize the problems that exist at boarding schools (alongside the beautiful campuses, stellar reputations, and talented faculties) is kidding themselves.

[Anonymous]

Have you read the book Prep?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've read it. The author used to teach writing at Sidwell. It's a fun book to read but I know a lot of kids at the local privates and public h.s. here in the Greater DC area who have similar issues with sex, drugs, alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Correction from my PP -- Prep's author taught at St. Albans...sorry for the mistake