How do you feel when friend buys McMansion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You and OP spend way too much time comparing yourselves to others. Geez. Get a life and an internal compass.

OP here. I LOVED your long, well-written message. I agree with almost every aspect.

But I am not into working long hours. When I see someone work too hard, I think they are missing out on all the other enjoyable things about life. You work not just to accumulate wealth but to USE and ENJOY it. Does the hard worker have time to enjoy their mansion? Most work 60+ hours a week. The maid and the gardener spend more waking hours at the home. Do they watch TV or sports or movies? Some are texting or emailing or on their cell phones at all hours. Do they vacation? Do they spend quality time with the family? Do they have time to exercise?

And everyone is at least a bit envious of the lucky people. The lottery winner or the one that inherited millions...
This is human nature. Just accept it. I'm amazed at the number of people who deny it.

OP Hard as it is to believe, some people just love to work -- you cant stop them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP has way too much time on his/her hands. WHO THE FUCK CARES? What kind of person are you?

Its med time, dear.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I would be happy for them OP. Good for the soul. Try it.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I were first time home buyers when we bought our $1 million McMansion. We were able to do this because we rented small apartments for the first 7 years of our marriage, in order to save up a huge downpayment. We had no family help in buying this house. We decided not to buy the small condo or townhouse and transition to a larger house later, but instead to buy the expensive house as first time home buyers.

We moved into a neighborhood (Great Falls) where we were the only ones not in the similar demographic--we were early 30's with no kids, everyone else mainly had kids in middle school or older, or were empty nesters. The neighbors all shunned us because they knew how much we paid for the house and knew we were a married couple without kids moving into a huge house with a huge yard. That really seemed to bother them (we have never met our next door neighbors on one side and we've lived here for 5 years already).

Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

[Anonymous]

10/31/2013 04:25 - I'm the PP with the long posts. I wouldn't short change yourself like that. This is how you find out who your true friends are. It's funny because my wife and I were introduced by our mutual friends. My friend knew her friend through their parents who were college classmates and it all turned out well. Throughout the years, my wife's friend has always been there, always wishing us the best, absolutely happy that we are successful. She comes over for all the holidays, kids' parties, and we go to her house for dinner at least once a month because she is a phenomenal cook and the kids gets to watch cartoon while eating cookies and ice cream and drink soda. If she is secretly bitter or jealous, she sure hides it pretty well. This friend is still working at the same firm that my wife has left, though in a more senior position now of course. But she appears to be someone who is satisfied with the pace of her life and is genuinely happy that we are doing what we want to do with our life. On the other hand, my friend became a bit of a tool and while we still socialize every now and then, it's only because we have been friends for so long - since high school. I can't exactly call him up and say "Dude, four car garage! be happy for me!" He's done fairly well for himself as well, got married to a great girl much earlier than I did. Maybe the chemistry between guy friends are just different between girl friends, but I just don't feel like he is there for me anymore, nor would he ask me for help if he needed it. Maybe he thinks that I'm the one who turned into a tool. This makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

OP is a real D-bag.

[Anonymous]

My definition of a McMansion is a house twice or three times the size of neighboring homes, on a lot devoid of trees, with shoddy construction and builder grade or worse finishes. DC proper really doesn't have them. I don't care what my friends buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You sound materialistic and unimaginative and sad. It's totally possible to be not just happy, but accomplished and content without being "as wealthy as possible."

+1

I am setting a high bar. The greater the wealth, the easier it is for you to be "happy", "accomplished", and "content". Wealth is a key component along with having great family relationships and being healthy.

We have an HHI approx $175. Yet I am just as "happy" and "content" as I was when I was in college making $7/hr, as I was when I was in grad school, as I was when I was making $25k/year, as I was when I was making $40k/year, etc. I can't imagine that if our HHI immediately quadrupled I would find quadruple the happiness as that hasn't happened so far in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find people's LACK of interest in wealth disheartening. Life works in 3 parts:

1. Educate yourself.
2. Work hard and become as wealthy as possible. Of course some balance is needed.
3. If you did 1 and 2 well, part 3 of your life is the most satisfying. Donate your time, wisdom, and wealth to others. This is a good time to become a teacher or volunteer. Spend time with grandkids. If you failed in 1 and 2, then you will just sit at home and rely on family members or the government to give your life meaning.

Too many people try to live phase 3 of their lives too early. They live it up early and run out of gas and are unhappy when they are older.

Are you a Tea Partier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

WTF? People made negative comments about your house because it is too nice? Who does that? This is just so unheard of to me. I can't even imagine someone walking into my house and saying something mean. You didn't need to stop inviting people over, you needed to re-consider what you look for in your friends and what kind of people you're attracting.

[Anonymous]

Different poster here. ITA with PP, as crazy as it sounds. Have you noticed what a judgmental area this is? If some people come from less, they are sometimes just looking for trouble. Sometimes that includes trying to take away from others' successes. if you have not yet experienced this in your life, be grateful. But people can be really jealous, nasty and sh*tstirring if they feel they have less than the next guy.

And they seriously wonder WHY they have less?! THAT is the funny part!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

You must be the poster who wrote about not having any friends to throw a baby shower, you said the same thing about why you couldn't have people from work over your house for a meet and greet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

OP here. I asked this question to see if somebody would feel this way. To some degree, I would feel the same way. I would probably stop inviting SOME people. If all your friends and colleages lived 1 way and you lived completely differently, they no longer feel like equals. You can lose friends with this imbalance. Some people are not sensitive to this, but it can and does happen.

I hope some readers realize that there can be added stress for the rich host. So if guest visits a house rich person, guest should act natural and try not to let your jealousy ruin the preexisting relationship. As the guest, try not to be extra critical of this person. Guest thinks that if host can afford this home, then this dinner party should be perfect. For example, if host serves Milwaukee's Best but guest drinks Heineken at home, guest is disappointed. Guest thinks host is disrespecting them when the truth is that host likes M's Best. As another example, if guest invites host to a bday party, guest now expects a nicer gift because host can afford it. Guest expects more from host in every way. Guest may even expect host to lend money if needed. Or when host shows the house to be polite, guest may think host is bragging. There are complex mind games at play here. So this particular homeowner prefers to meet at a restaurant. I completely understand.

I know that many of you don't see this and disagree, but this is a real problem that does exist (at least for some hosts and some guests).