How do you feel when friend buys McMansion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

Wow. Miserable person. Not friends with neighbors. No friends. I think there are culttural issues here too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

omg you talk too much! have a drink and relax.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

OP here. I asked this question to see if somebody would feel this way. To some degree, I would feel the same way. I would probably stop inviting SOME people. If all your friends and colleages lived 1 way and you lived completely differently, they no longer feel like equals. You can lose friends with this imbalance. Some people are not sensitive to this, but it can and does happen.

I hope some readers realize that there can be added stress for the rich host. So if guest visits a house rich person, guest should act natural and try not to let your jealousy ruin the preexisting relationship. As the guest, try not to be extra critical of this person. Guest thinks that if host can afford this home, then this dinner party should be perfect. For example, if host serves Milwaukee's Best but guest drinks Heineken at home, guest is disappointed. Guest thinks host is disrespecting them when the truth is that host likes M's Best. As another example, if guest invites host to a bday party, guest now expects a nicer gift because host can afford it. Guest expects more from host in every way. Guest may even expect host to lend money if needed. Or when host shows the house to be polite, guest may think host is bragging. There are complex mind games at play here. So this particular homeowner prefers to meet at a restaurant. I completely understand.

I know that many of you don't see this and disagree, but this is a real problem that does exist (at least for some hosts and some guests).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and your friend or coworker live comfortably in a $700,000 house. Suppose your friend that earns the same as you suddenly buys a $2 million house. What are the thoughts running through your head?
This hasn't happened to me but this is what I would think:
1.) I am very happy for the person.
2.) I hope they invite me back again because I LOVED the swimming pool or the sauna or the gym or the movie theatre or the gourmet kitchen etc. etc. And now I can enjoy it for free!
3.) How in the world did they afford this place? Are they smuggling drugs? Are they internet hackers? Something is fishy!
4.) This person is going through a midlife crisis. Even if I could afford this, I would never buy this ridiculous McMansion.

Other reactions might be:
5.) This person is out of my league. I don't want to come back.
6.) I can't invite this person to my house because my house looks stupid by comparison.
7.) Act as if nothing has changed. As if they had the same $700,000 house they had before.

If you get invited for dinner, do you bring nothing (the person is too rich anyways), do you bring the usual stuff (average bottle of wine), do you bring the luxury goods because this is going to be an amazing dinner in an amazing place. Do you say: No Thanks, because you no longer wish to associate with this person.

Any real life experiences as the guest or the host?

OP -You HAD to know this kind of question would cause quite the backlash. no more drunk posting for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

You must be the poster who wrote about not having any friends to throw a baby shower, you said the same thing about why you couldn't have people from work over your house for a meet and greet

Yes, you are correct. There will be no baby shower for me (but I am actually okay with that now). And I'm not having a meet and greet for this reason--don't want to invite people over to hear their comments. I also prefer not to entertain at home. I don't want the work involved, the cleanup, etc. I don't enjoy cooking/entertaining. But I enjoy meeting people at restaurants or going out to the theater, etc.

Anyhow, some people let things like house size, etc. get in the way of a good friendship. I've seen it happen several times. So we don't invite anyone over so that we don't have to deal with this. It's hard enough to make new friends in this area when you're not from here. Things are stressful enough when we meet new people and tell them what DH does for a living--we get lots of negative comments there too.

[Anonymous]

I don't like entertaining at home, and I don't like going over to others' homes for dinner parties or other events. I just feel uncomfortable the whole time. It's not because of their house or how nice it is, but it's just annoying to go to someone's house for a dinner party and eat food you don't like, versus meeting up at a restaurant where everyone can order whatever they want. Also, I find that spending 2 hours or so with people is a good amount of time, and going over to someone's house for a dinner party usually takes up a lot more time and I just get tired of it. Overall, I much prefer meeting people at a restaurant or other venue rather than being invited over to their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyhow, our friends don't know about our "McMansion" because we never invite anyone over. I love the house and we definitely made the right decision, but I feel too self-conscious about what people will think (that they won't want to be friends with us) if we invite them over. We are super low key and drive really old, crappy cars (because we have no interest in cars), wear cheap clothes from Target because we have no interest in brands or labels, and I don't have any jewelry, so people assume we are not financially successful. I want to keep that image going, so we do not invite anyone over to the house. It works for us. I don't like entertaining at home anyway, and it's hard enough to make new friends (we are new to the area) without having them make negative comments (or think negatively) of us because of our house purchase.

This is just so bizarre. You've never invited any friends over to your house? It sounds like you are working so hard to hide your good fortune that you are not enjoying it. Why do you think anyone cares THAT MUCH about your house, of all things? I cannot imagine being this uncomfortable and self-conscious.

I wrote the above. The reason we don't invite anyone over anymore is because of the negative comments we got when we did invite people over. People shouldn't care about these things but many do. Some people didn't want to be friends anymore after they came over to our house. So to prevent that from happening again, we just prefer to meet friends at restaurants, etc.

You must be the poster who wrote about not having any friends to throw a baby shower, you said the same thing about why you couldn't have people from work over your house for a meet and greet

Yes, you are correct. There will be no baby shower for me (but I am actually okay with that now). And I'm not having a meet and greet for this reason--don't want to invite people over to hear their comments. I also prefer not to entertain at home. I don't want the work involved, the cleanup, etc. I don't enjoy cooking/entertaining. But I enjoy meeting people at restaurants or going out to the theater, etc.

Anyhow, some people let things like house size, etc. get in the way of a good friendship. I've seen it happen several times. So we don't invite anyone over so that we don't have to deal with this. It's hard enough to make new friends in this area when you're not from here. Things are stressful enough when we meet new people and tell them what DH does for a living--we get lots of negative comments there too.

You need new friends.

[Anonymous]

Real mansions cost $2 million. McMansions cost 400K - 600K and are on postage stamp lots.

If I was a close friend of a person suddenly upgrading to a multi-million dollar home, I would ask, "How the heck are you able to afford this fabulous new super expenisve house? Did you inherit some money? Are you selling stuff on Ebay? Is your DH a drug smuggler? Are you growing pot?" I would JUST ASK because I am nosy like that.

If I was not a close friend, I would mind my own business. I wouldn't really care if I didn't know the person well.

[Anonymous]

If you are nosy like that, you would be written off immediately.

[Anonymous]

Presumably if you have a large house, you have some degree of smarts to earn the money to buy it. With that smarts, you would hopefully understand the value of trees -enough to not cut them down.

If I saw someone with a new house and no trees, I would wonder why on earth they allowed the builder to level the trees!

I would notice any lack of trees, sheared or poorly cut trees, before I would notice anyone's large house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Presumably if you have a large house, you have some degree of smarts to earn the money to buy it. With that smarts, you would hopefully understand the value of trees -enough to not cut them down.

If I saw someone with a new house and no trees, I would wonder why on earth they allowed the builder to level the trees!

I would notice any lack of trees, sheared or poorly cut trees, before I would notice anyone's large house.

PP, the building process can disrupt the root system of trees on the existing lot. If you don't take them down at the time of site prep, you might have a dead tree to deal with after you move in. Then you have to pay the arborist to take it down anyway.

Don't be a hater #

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, OP - you think way too much about nonsense. It's not a real problem, unless your friend are completely insane. Although I do agree on one point - if I went to someone's home and was served Milwaukee's Best - well, blech. You have the taste buds of a 19 yo frat boy. I'd be expecting Giant Mac n' Cheese for dinner.

[Anonymous]

I hope some readers realize that there can be added stress for the rich host. So if guest visits a house rich person, guest should act natural and try not to let your jealousy ruin the preexisting relationship. As the guest, try not to be extra critical of this person. Guest thinks that if host can afford this home, then this dinner party should be perfect. For example, if host serves Milwaukee's Best but guest drinks Heineken at home, guest is disappointed. Guest thinks host is disrespecting them when the truth is that host likes M's Best. As another example, if guest invites host to a bday party, guest now expects a nicer gift because host can afford it. Guest expects more from host in every way. Guest may even expect host to lend money if needed. Or when host shows the house to be polite, guest may think host is bragging. There are complex mind games at play here. So this particular homeowner prefers to meet at a restaurant. I completely understand.

I know that many of you don't see this and disagree, but this is a real problem that does exist (at least for some hosts and some guests).

Wow, gosh, I never thought of this before. I'm so sorry life is so stressful and I truly see now how this is a real, and probably rampant problem and there are so many house-rich folks suffering in silence right now. I'm sure that the only reason people are extra-critical of you is because of your beautiful house, and not for any other reason having to do with who you are. Maybe we can form a separate forum on DCUM for house-rich mcmansion owners who have been wounded and insulted by ignorant, jealous and petty poorer people. We could even have our own dinner parties where there's no fear of being criticized for serving wine that's too cheap, and no chance of receiving a hostess gift that is not adequate to our esteemed residences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, OP - you think way too much about nonsense. It's not a real problem, unless your friend are completely insane. Although I do agree on one point - if I went to someone's home and was served Milwaukee's Best - well, blech. You have the taste buds of a 19 yo frat boy. I'd be expecting Giant Mac n' Cheese for dinner.

I like Giant Mac

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Presumably if you have a large house, you have some degree of smarts to earn the money to buy it. With that smarts, you would hopefully understand the value of trees -enough to not cut them down.

If I saw someone with a new house and no trees, I would wonder why on earth they allowed the builder to level the trees!

I would notice any lack of trees, sheared or poorly cut trees, before I would notice anyone's large house.

It's not the seventies any more. An overgrown lot is a liability. I am all for having some old growth trees if you have a large lot and they can be on the perimeter. Personally I far more prefer a sunny bright lot so that I can have a nice and bright home. The last thing I want is a lot that's dominated by old growth trees to the point that grass won't grow well and I am perpetually living in the shade so that everything is damp and moss grows everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are weird. If you are friends, stay friends.

Agree. Why are you making up weird hypos? How old are you?