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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Confession: I resent that so many of my friends won't hire babysitters to get out on a Sat night
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Anonymous
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Maybe they just aren't that into you?
Seriously though, just b/c you *think* you are all in the same financial boat doesn't necessarily mean you are. Folks could have student loans, credit card debt, a shaky job situation. Or maybe they are helping out a family member with paying bills. You simply just don't know. And even if they can afford a sitter, maybe they just don't have access to one they trust. Not everyone feels comfortable leaving their kids with strangers. And maybe their kids aren't good sleepers. My kids don't go down easily and they wake up a lot. Maybe your kids go to sleep easily at 7pm so you can leave them and not have any drama, but that doesn't mean that other families have the same situation. FWIW, my DH and I are the couple you are describing. We don't hire sitters (who in the heck would want to watch our 3 little monkeys? and what would that cost?). We hang out with other families who have kids in our same age range and the parents socialize while the kids play. FWIW, it gets easier when the kids get older and play in another room without constant supervision. Maybe you could host a cocktail or dinner party and if the kids are young enough (infants/toddlers) they might fall asleep and then the parents can party like rockstars? |
Anonymous
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How to find a babysitter - it's an investment of time. You put the necessary energy into identifying and qualifying a couple of good sitters you know you can trust. The best way is through friends. A friend could have a sitter they don't need often enough that they mind sharing her info with you. Or, better yet, it could be a friend's daytime nanny. Or it could be your friend's sitter's friend (which still requires more investigating but at least it's not a total unknown.)
If you can't do this through a connection you CAN go the sittercity route IF you are very careful and take many steps and the appropriate amount of time: - meet with the sitter in person before even hiring her - speak with real references (someone she actually babysits for. Best is she's a fuill-time nanny during the day and you can talk to her empoloyer.) You need to talk at-length enough that you can tell that this is a genuine employer and not bullshit. - Be ready to do this with several candidates. don't settle on anyone who you don't feel really good about -background check (not the sittercity one, a real one.) |
Anonymous
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some suggestions for OP, if you want to try to get together with some of these friends and you really just want adult time but are not as particular about where you go:
1) Host a dinner, game night, etc...allow a few people to put their wee ones to bed at your place. 2) Don't invite yourselves over per se, but indicate you'd really like to get together and would be willing to come to their place with take out after kiddie bed time if that would make it easier on them. 3) Offer to share your sitter--all leave from one person's house and have the sitter watch all 4 kids. 4) Suggest a babysitting co-op among a group of parents, so one set of parents do the sitting while others dine out, rotate. Eliminates cost & trusty babysitter issues. This is probably easier if kids are older (not sure ages involved here). |
Anonymous
| Did it occur to you that those folks really don't want to go out with you. |
Anonymous
Who says you have to go to a bar or anywhere fancy? Or that you have to stay out to 1:00? You all are making a whole lot of assumptions. Also, while it is great to spend time one-on-one with your DH it's also nice to hang out for a couple hours with adults, without the kids. If you don't want to, find. But, don't assume all people are boozing it up at bars until 1 a.m. |
Anonymous
| Just point black ask her next time she complains what the hold up is. If it's a sitter, offer a suggestion. If it's money, offer a cheaper option. If it's time, ask her to suggest a date. Anything else, tell her you obviously can't solve her issue and ask her to stop complaining! |
Anonymous
| I would love to hire a babysitter and go out every Saturday night but money is tight and I have horrible insomnia and do better if I go to sleep early. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Are these your friends? http://www.slate.com/id/2287369/ |
Anonymous
| Ugh. Is OP a troll posting a story that's not even truly their own experience? That's just weird. |
Anonymous
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OP here - too freaking funny. It does make a point, as do many of the posters here who say that I don't necessarily know as much as I think I do about my friends' financial situations. But the thing is - it's not one couple. It's several, from disparate groups of friends. And, no, I don't think they are all trying to distance themselves from me, because they are in touch with me and setting up kid-friendly get-togethers all the time. I realize that among my social circles I'm the one who is "unusual" in regards to the babysitter/sat night out thing. It's just, I don't know, disappointing. to me because I chose my friends for a reason - a long time ago. We have so much in common and just assumed our social preferences would continue to mesh. I certainly prefer my homebody friends to ostentatious spenders or big partiers, but I just feel like there's got to be some medium. And I wish my friends conveniently fell into it. |
Anonymous
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OP-- people are different and have different priorities, you just have to accept that, although I would call them on the compaining after awhile.
We make a little more than you mention, and we go out usually once/week, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with friends. Yes, it's an expense, but for us it's worth it. I guess for others it's not. We also save well for retirement and college but we don't save every penny. Having a social life is something that is important to us as well. |