Confession: I resent that so many of my friends won't hire babysitters to get out on a Sat night

[Anonymous]

My group of friends is all in a similar financial position to us (not rolling in dough but in the $200k/yr range). Yet so many of them won't just pay for a sitter on the occasional Saturday night. (We hire sitters and go out. We're with the kids when they're up. I mean we have a sitter when they go to bed.)

For my friends who won't shell out the cash for a sitter we now only hang out during the day with all the kids running around. And then I feel resentful when they gripe about never having date night. So, I feel I'm drifting a bit from some of the friends who won't invest in a babysitter, because the time we spend together isn't really quality time. It's runinng after kids, etc, etc.

Is it crazy to think that a couple making about $200k could afford a sitter on the occastional saturday night (or even most)?

[Anonymous]

I am guessing that for those families, spending time at home is the priority they are choosing on Saturday nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that for those families, spending time at home is the priority they are choosing on Saturday nights.

I would agree with you but they often complain about how they never go on a date. It irks me.

[Anonymous]

We won't hire sitters either and make plenty of money to do so if we wanted to. It is not about the money. We want to include our DD in activities and have little desire to do the things that require no kids (bars, nightclubs, expensive/fancy restaurant). We plan our social life around things our DD can enjoy with us. Find new friends if you are so resentful. They are probably annoyed that you don't want to include your and their children.

[Anonymous]

We are selfish with our date nights. We don't want to go out with other couples. We want to spend time together, just the two of us.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. I moved here from another large city and the culture was totally different there. Adults in the 35-50 range actually (gasp) went out on Saturday nights. Not to get plastered in Adams Morgan type bars [1:03] but to do adult activities such as attend plays; see a ballet; go to galleries; and eat at restaurants with adult cuisine.

We did all this without shortchanging the kids, btw. They're in bed, they don't know whether we're at the Kennedy Center or in the living room with the remote.

[Anonymous]

Find new friends if you're that irritated about this.

I have never hired a sitter for a Sat night after the kids are in bed, because that's the one night I can go to bed early also. I can't imagine heading out at 8 and getting home at 1, and then getting 5 hours of sleep...doesn't work for me anymore.

Or it could be that your friends don't particularly like you and this is their way of dropping the friendship. Can't say I blame them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are selfish with our date nights. We don't want to go out with other couples. We want to spend time together, just the two of us.

Bingo. OP, get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

people like your friends bug me too OP. It does not mean you don't love your children or want to spend time with them if you go on the occasional date night.

Maybe your friends don't know any reliable sitters? Next time they're b*tching and moaning about not getting a date night, I might say something like "My babysitter Susie might know of some reliable sitters. Would you like me to ask if she can recommend someone?"

FWIW, it really sounds like they just want to complain about something. They can afford a sitter, sure. I doubt it's about the money. They're either one of "those parents" that can't stand to have any sort of social life outside of their kids (how sad) or they don't know of any reliable sitters.

[Anonymous]

How do you know they can afford a sitter? How would you feel if you knew they were judging your financial choices? "My friend and her husband go out all the time. I have no idea how they're going to be able to afford to retire, and they are totally hosed if they need to do any major home repairs. Plus her brother is SN and her parents haven't provided for him when they die."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are selfish with our date nights. We don't want to go out with other couples. We want to spend time together, just the two of us.

This is us too - when we have a babysitter, it feels like a special night out for us, and we tend to want to spend it on our own.

[Anonymous]

From previous experience with my family, the kids sometimes need a break from their parents too. The right babysitter can create a fun-filled evening for my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that for those families, spending time at home is the priority they are choosing on Saturday nights.

I would agree with you but they often complain about how they never go on a date. It irks me.

This would annoy me, too, OP, especially if they are complaining about it. Thankfully most of my friends with kids have no problem getting a babysitter and we don't either. We probably go out about 2x a month even by ourselves or occasionally with friends. Couples need couple time as well as time with friends without their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are selfish with our date nights. We don't want to go out with other couples. We want to spend time together, just the two of us.

That's us. And also, we just don't trust very many people to watch our kids. So the few times we do it, its all about my and DH spending some time together.
I also enjoy the get together WITH the kids. Usually, they are good about playing with minimal adult intervention, so we do get to talk and enjoy our time together.

[Anonymous]

You simply need new friends who share your interests.