parents helping with down payment??

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for college and wedding but get got no help on our down payment for the house. By then they had to save for retirement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens. But we would never accept money from our parents. My DH's parents offered to give us money as a down-payment and we turned it down. That's just not who we are. We bought a home that we could afford. And we waited until we could afford a home on our own before buying.

That's fine that's "who you are". But clearly you're making a judgment about those of us who took parents' help. So let's say you waited 5 years before you could afford to buy. So now you've probably spent $100k or more on rent during that period, plus you'll pay tens of thousands of dollars in fees/interest/pmi to the bank to use their money, that might have otherwise been avoided if parents gave you the money or a large downpayment. My parents and I are close and this was a no-nonsense business decision. Better to save $150k (whether through me or them) than to give that money to a landlord or the bank. Being financially stupid is "just not who we are."

(PS this rationale obviously doesn't apply to those whose families aren't able to help. Just to the nose-in-the-air righteous folk who had the option to take parental help but thought they were too good for it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for college and wedding but get got no help on our down payment for the house. By then they had to save for retirement!

Ouch. SOunds like they maybe should have skipped the big wedding and put that money into their savings.

[Anonymous]

The only way I'd give another down payment would be if my kid had it's name and only it's name on that mortgage. One already walked away, was swindled, out of the first house we helped with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it happens. But we would never accept money from our parents. My DH's parents offered to give us money as a down-payment and we turned it down. That's just not who we are. We bought a home that we could afford. And we waited until we could afford a home on our own before buying.

That's fine that's "who you are". But clearly you're making a judgment about those of us who took parents' help. So let's say you waited 5 years before you could afford to buy. So now you've probably spent $100k or more on rent during that period, plus you'll pay tens of thousands of dollars in fees/interest/pmi to the bank to use their money, that might have otherwise been avoided if parents gave you the money or a large downpayment. My parents and I are close and this was a no-nonsense business decision. Better to save $150k (whether through me or them) than to give that money to a landlord or the bank. Being financially stupid is "just not who we are."

(PS this rationale obviously doesn't apply to those whose families aren't able to help. Just to the nose-in-the-air righteous folk who had the option to take parental help but thought they were too good for it).

It's less of a judgment about others and more of a statement about me and my DH. Our parents on both sides are wealthy. Some of it was inherited. Most of it was earned. We have been together since we were 16 years old. Married at 22. We are 50. We are both fiercely independent. Everything we have, we have because we were lucky enough to have parents who paid for our college education. The rest we earned. Taking money from our parents for anything other than a true emergency would feel like a step backwards to both of us.

We come from extremely close families. But we also come from families who believe that once kids are 18, they are adults. And adults pay their own bills. Our five children were raised the same. I have no one living in my basement. None of my kids moved back home after they graduated from college. We would (and have) helped with emergencies. But I wouldn't give them the downpayment for a home. I think there is pride in ownership and doing it by yourself.

Again, that's just me. I understand that it's very common for others.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you not read DCUM? A simple search using the search bar would've returned quite a few lengthy threads on this topic.

In my cultures (mix of Mediterranean and Middle Eastern) it's absolutely the norm where parents either pay the down-payment, or more common, they just buy their kids a house outright. My parents started buying property for my sisters and I when we were kids. Being the oldest, I was initially planning on selling one of those properties for my down-payment on my first place, but my parents just bought it outright, giving me many years of rent-free / mortgage-free living. I then used my savings to buy homes and condos in Potomac, MD, Los Angeles, CA, and Palm Springs, CA.

And unlike many here, we weren't always wealthy. We came to this country with $214 and my dad's dream to become a physician. But he knew that he wanted to set his kids up to never need or want for anything, so growing up in South Florida, any time a property became available that he could afford, he bought it up. It also doesn't hurt that he was an early investor in Apple, at a time when most people thought he was crazy for believing in it, which really turned life around for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who ARE you guys that people talk so candidly about money around you? I mean, I could see him saying "we had some help from our parents", but exact dollar figures and whatnot? I don't believe you. I'm from a wealthy circle and its almost like a game, who can hide their trust fund better as we all live lives that are below our means.

I hate to break this to you but when someone has no money for a down payment, they have to tell their parents the exact amount they need or they won't be buying a house. It's really not that complicated.

I think you are misunderstanding the PP. Sure you would talk finances with involved parents/family members- that's a given. But you would not have an open discussion with a random neighbour or other extended social circle, especially with critical details. It's unnatural.

I would think the person who came out with the money talk was either very gauche or lying to give the nosy party what they wanted: some gossip.

Exactly. The OP isn't the parent or child who needed/gave the money, they are a friend or colleague. I don't believe OP.

[Anonymous]

How do you "pay back" your parents? Or is it just "something" you just say or they say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who ARE you guys that people talk so candidly about money around you? I mean, I could see him saying "we had some help from our parents", but exact dollar figures and whatnot? I don't believe you. I'm from a wealthy circle and its almost like a game, who can hide their trust fund better as we all live lives that are below our means.

I hate to break this to you but when someone has no money for a down payment, they have to tell their parents the exact amount they need or they won't be buying a house. It's really not that complicated.

I think you are misunderstanding the PP. Sure you would talk finances with involved parents/family members- that's a given. But you would not have an open discussion with a random neighbour or other extended social circle, especially with critical details. It's unnatural.

I would think the person who came out with the money talk was either very gauche or lying to give the nosy party what they wanted: some gossip.

Exactly. The OP isn't the parent or child who needed/gave the money, they are a friend or colleague. I don't believe OP.

OP said they had this discussion with a neighbor. The neighbor is the one who received money from a parent.

[Anonymous]

We certainly had no help, but remember who you are asking here. Extremely wealthy people are overrepresented on this board.

[Anonymous]

I saw that Trump is proposing getting rid of the gift tax, maybe you might want to wait and see what happens with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw that Trump is proposing getting rid of the gift tax, maybe you might want to wait and see what happens with that.

That only works if you're planning on dying in that year. Another president will reinstate it as soon as trump is out. You can't plan your wealth planning around the potential repair of the gift tax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My blue collar parents are going to loan us $100k to help buy a house, and it will be paid back when we sell our old house. I don't know of anyone in my current circle who has had help. I feel like nearly everyone I know in DC is a transplanted middle class midwesterner.

Yikes, sorry about that.

[Anonymous]

It's the land of rich kids here.

[Anonymous]

If my help meant the difference between a house with good schools and one without or a safer neighborhood then I'd help. Also if they could get a location location location property they could stay in for awhile [grow into] v condo /townhouse.